Friday, April 25, 2008

US Torture

Today's Bizarro made possible by Meaningless Bureaucracy Unlimited. "We control your life because we can!"

Everyone dreads a visit to the local DMV, but none more than those of us in New York City. Because this place is huge and untold dozens of people live here, all city services are as deep into the "Completely Sucks" range as one can get. It takes four days minimum to get a cable repair guy to show up at your place, for instance, so if your TV and internet are out, you're just living in colonial America for the better part of a week.

A visit to the DMV is a great way to get a feeling for what our ancestors felt as they waited on Ellis Island for in indeterminate time, in line after line, unsure of whether they would be allowed to pursue their dream, or be sent back home empty-handed and suicidal.

Because of the endless bureaucracy of getting a motorcycle license in NYC (you wait in line at the DMV to take a written test, which has little to do with actual driving rules or principles, then go online to schedule a driving test to be taken a month or more in the future – to which you must bring a licensed, registered, inspected car and a driver, licensed both for cars and motorcycles, to chauffeur the examiner as he follows you through the streets, honking in code to tell you what maneuver to execute – then back to the DMV within 90 days to trade the paper receipt the examiner gives you for another piece of paper, which you carry around until they send you the actual license 6 weeks later … I really wish I were kidding) I drove my old Vespa scooter, which I've had since 1981, unlicensed for four years. I finally got caught, and that's what forced me to submit myself to the local Gitmo to become legal.

Hence, this cartoon.


MsDrPepper said...

So, you shoulda come to Kansas to get a driver's license in one day, and then just driven your Vespa for 6 years as a Kansas resident living in NYC.


Eric said...

Here in Austin we have the same requirement, BUT if you take the Motorcycle Safety Foundations course (which is well worth the time and money), they'll waive the driving test and you only have to take a written test AT the DMV (which is actually the DPS here--Department of Public Safety). Still, all told, a lot of hassle and cash, or a lot of extra hassle, just to get a license. Sorry you got busted! You're nuts for driving a scooter in that city though :-) I have fun here in Austin, but even in our comparatively low-stress traffic it can get dicey. I salute you sir!

Jon said...

I've had my motorcyle license since I was 14 (Tennessee had a rather lax attitude about such things back in the 70s).

After passing the written test,I pulled the motorcycle out of the back of my dad's truck and rode across the parking lot to the examiner.

"Well, looks like you know how to ride it," he said, handing me the license.

And that was that.

BTW, you forgot to "mention the mention". You said to remind you...

mikelite said...

dude, the DMV in Herald Square has never done me wrong. Zip in & out. Relatively speaking...

Robert Gidley said...

Yow--in Washington state you pay $100, take the three day Evergreen Safety Council intensive course (which includes both the written AND the riding test) and the DMV hands you your motorcycle driver's license.

And if your Vespa is less than 50 cc's, you don't even need to do that.

You east coasters are so cute!

Karl said...

I understand the logic of long line ups at retail stores; the longer you spend standing in line, the better chance you'll buy unnecessary items near the checkout. However, the reason behind long lines at the DMV is another matter. Here in line, drivers learn coping skills, necessary to survive road rage incidents.