Crazy Couch

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dog Walker.

Have you ever been up sh*t creek without a paddle? (I cleverly added the * to that word so that it would be family friendly. Everyone knows that children are no good at Wheel of Fortune.)

Of course you have, we all have. And the message of this cartoon is to pay more attention to your paddle than to your wardrobe. Of course, if you're up sh*t creek without a paddle, this advice is useless. And if you're out canoeing in one of those smiley face shirts, you deserve whatever you get because everybody hates those things. Unless you're wearing it ironically, in which case you probably deserve to be visited by hillbillies, ala Deliverance. (Wow, that was bitter. I didn't know until I typed this how much pent up aggression I have toward ironic shirts.)

This cartoon about light reading is a bit of nonsense with no particular message. Unless it would be that if you find yourself bored enough to read the ends of light bulbs over and over, it's probably time to quit your job, leave your wife, and go on a violent odyssey of some sort, ala Going Native, by Stephen Wright. (One of my favorite books, but not written by the Steven Wright who is a stand-up comedian and not funny.)

As long as we're discussing my damaged psyche, let's take a quick visit to Sigmund's Couch. I quite like this old cartoon from 1997, written and drawn two years after my divorce and the most therapy-intensive period of my life. Notice you can read "ID" on the sign above the door to rhyme with "bid," which is a Freudian term! Hahahahahahah! Also notice that back then I was often drawing the cartoon outside the borders. I did it because I liked it, I stopped doing it for reasons unknown. Probably laziness.

Let's hear it from all those readers who have enjoyed psychotherapy at some point in their lives. I only go when I'm really troubled, but I have to admit I love it. Something so soothing about talking about myself for 45 minutes without fear of interruption.

If you'd like to see these cartoons on various fine tidbits of merchandise, just click the 'toon. It's fun and painless!

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Apple Knocker

Bizarro is brought to you today by Those Darn Kids.

Our first cartoon today is another collaboration with my good buddy, Wayno. We're both fans of Magritte and although I've done a couple of takes on his famous "This is Not a Pipe" painting, I thought this one was original enough to use the theme again. I might get a small version of this tattoo myself, someday. Here's Wayno's description of the experience.

My caveman cartoon was dreamed up by a good friend Cliff's son, Emilio, so he got a byline. He and his dad were talking about knock knock jokes and surmised that cavemen wouldn't be good at it since they didn't have doors and would not know what a "knock" was. An odd idea and odd enough to inspire me to do a cartoon about it. Emilo's younger brother, Nicco, wrote a cartoon for me a while back, too.




Know a goth couple who just had a kid? This is the perfect gift for them! You can find it and tons of other useful products with jillions of Bizarro cartoons on them by clicking this.

Comes in other colors, too! Wow!

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Being Super

(Click on Batman's nose to see larger version)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Gas Guzzlers to Die For.

Batman stag party trivia questions and answers:
1. What was Robin's real name? (A: Dick Grayson)
2. What was the most prominent feature of the 1960s TV Batman costume? (A: Adam West's package.)
3. What was Bruce Wayne's middle name? (A: I don't know for sure but it was probably Peter.)

Everyone knows that Dick Grayson was a bit of a dim bulb, otherwise how could Bruce Wayne have ever talked him into going out in public dressed like that? Especially to confront thugs? So this cartoon merely illustrates one of the many problems Batman likely had with Robin in the early days.

The second cartoon of this weekend's 3-pack is a mystery. I don't know what it means, I just thought it was funny having a gingerbread man asking for a job at a service station. It is based on a true story.

Lastly, we have a fun cartoon about aliens eating astronauts. I like to draw alien creatures, I suspect that most cartoonists do, so I like writing cartoons about them. Here is a link to my favorite alien drawing I've ever done, which I used to advertise my Bizarro Trading Cards.

By the way, you can help Batman fight crime by buying Bizarro Trading Cards. A portion of each purchase goes toward supplies needed to draw Batman fighting crime.

RECORDING REDUX

A lot of people wrote to me and said they particularly liked this cartoon, so I've put it on a T-shirt. If you want to display your wickedly sophisticated sense of humor and musical taste, order yours now.

Don't forget they also make great gifts for the musician or audiophile in your life!

I want to see the shirt now!!!

Useful Children

Bizarro is brought to you today by This Century's Village People.

Kids. What're you gonna do with 'em?

I have to modestly admit I really like this gag. The picture alone makes me smile as the house frau attempts to change channels by squeezing the baby. I also really like the dad's T-shirt, which is one of my Bizarro aliens. Did you know you can purchase this very shirt, or any of my other "secret symbols" on a shirt here? Now you do.

A while back, I published a Sunday cartoon a small part of which was the design below. A couple of people asked me if I'd be releasing that design on T-shirts. (Side note: I hate that term "releasing" used in that way. It comes from the record industry, I think, as they try to drum up excitement about a new album. It makes it sound as though they have a product in a cage somewhere and are going to unleash it on the public. Whoa, Katy bar the door.) So yes, I will be offering this design on shirts soon. Keep an eye (or both, so it doesn't give you a headache) on this blog for info on how/when to order. I have high hopes of selling more than a dozen! I shoot for the moon, that's how I roll.

BIZARROMANIA!

BE AS HAPPY AS TOM CRUISE WITHOUT EVER HAVING TO EVEN BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS KATIE HOLMES!

SIMPLY ORDER A BEAUTIFUL COLOR PRINT OF ANY BIZARRO CARTOON THAT YOUR HEART DESIRES BY FOLLOWING THESE EASY STEPS!

1. Choose a cartoon
2. Go to this website
3. Do what it tells you
4. Receive print
5. Hang it in your home, glue it to your vehicle*
6. Rule your world

*Also good for giving as gift

Special Offer!

(Hey, boys and girls! Click the cartoon above and see how big it gets!)

If you've been dying to get this image on a T-shirt and simultaneously help out a worthy cause, here is your chance! A cool new company who gives the profits from this shirt to Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary, and is ludicrously concerned with ethical manufacturing is offering it NOW. Yes, you read that correctly, N-O-W.

http://www.eco-gear.ca/eco-gear-shop/EcoWear-AlienRescue-GT01.html

Here's how they describe their thing:
"Incredible ecogear makes the most earthfriendly tee shirt in the world. Made from 100% recycled fibres, the ecogear tee uses only organic inks or water based inks free of PVCs and pthalates.

In keeping with their corporate mantra of planet, people and animals, incredible ecogear is the first apparel brand to work directly with non profits and environmental groups by dedicating special tees to nominated groups."

Do it! You need the good karma.

Bizarro Icon Shirts

Hello again, my fabulous friends. A reader posted a comment yesterday saying he/she liked the T-shirts in the 3-legged race cartoon and wished they were available. Because I want nothing more in life than to solicit the love of strangers, I have made it happen.

Here is a site in which all manner of products are available with my world-famous iconic images that lead you down the treacherous path to Ultimate Bizarro Awareness.

Veiw them, buy them, wear them, vote in them, change the world with them. I beg of you.

Poster Passion

As I've said on this blog before, I'm a big Obama fan. And I'm a huge fan of this poster, designed by the graphic geniuses at Obeygiant.com. I wish to no one (atheist invocation) that I'd sought out one of these posters months ago when they first appeared. They're all gone now, no reprints in the offing.

If anybody happens to have one they could part with, I would consider it a HUGE favor. I'll send you a signed book, donate money to Barack's campaign in your name, donate money to you in Barack's name, whatever you think is fair.

Trading Card Orgy

Piraro (left) and his brilliant, indispensable assistant, Mo Wyse (other left), display an original sketchcard and the $25 American received in return for it.

Big crazy fun in Allentown this weekend at the non-sports trading card show. As I've mentioned, I have a new line of Bizarro Trading Cards out, so I went to this event to promote them. I sat at a table all day Saturday and Sunday, and did a talk on Saturday afternoon. Here's the story in pics and captions.


At right, rabid fans mob world-famous cartoonists, Dan Piraro, for trading cards, sketches, and autographs in one of his many books.








No fan goes home without a warm reception from the notoriously gregarious Piraro.


As promised in a previous blog, Piraro (below) gives a peanut to Ultra-Fan Vinny for mentioning that he found out about the show on this blog!














Piraro is startled by what appears to be a malevolent being from another world.











Whoops, false alarm! It only wanted an autograph!













3pm means time to head to the conference room for Piraro's big talk. It's just through the antique mall, down this long corrider,


down this next long corrider,


and through that door.


Here we are, just moments before the talk is to begin!



There's nothing more fun than spending a weekend schmoozing with Bizarro readers. All in all, I sold a lot of cards, made some good contacts in the collectors' world, and sampled some dandy local vegan food joints. Vegan Treats is not to be missed, and Balasia has a brunch that will blow the lids off your horn section. Seriously, brothers and sisters, hope to see you at another event soon.

Allentown This Weekend!

Lady and gentleman, boy and girl,
I'm going to be dozing behind a table at the Philly Non-Sports Trading Card Show this weekend in Allentown, PA. Please come see me. Really. Please. (Why is the Philly card show in Allentown? Come to the show and find out!)

I'll be selling my new Bizarro Trading Cards, as well as my books and some one-of-a-kind sketch cards. I'm also doing a presentation on Saturday afternoon which will be as much like a comedy show as possible in a brightly-lit hotel conference room in the middle of the afternoon.

"Why are you doing this, Dan?" the creepy voice inside my head is saying. Because contrary to popular belief, "rich" does not always go with "famous." I'm a little famous now and then, here and there, but if I were rich would I be sitting behind a folding table all weekend signing stuff?

YES! Because I LOVE THE FANS! So come see me, and tell me you found out about it on this blog and I'll give you a peanut! If I have one.

LINK FOR CARD SHOW






P.S. Click on this image for a larger version. The note at the bottom of the ad refers to comics shops who carry cards. You can buy a sketch card from me at the show, which I will draw in front of your eye. Both eyes, if you like.

Burqa Buddies

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Opression Fabrics and Chastity Devices.

The cartoon I normally would have posted today is from Earth Day, and I already published it last week on, yes, Earth Day, to go along with the CNN story. See "CNN Scrapes the Barrel's Bottom" in the blog archive list at right.

Instead, here's a classic Bizarro, my favorite joke (of mine) ever. It appears in my retrospective, Bizarro and Other Strange Manifestations of the Art of Dan Piraro.

If you'd like to buy a nice-quality color print of this, or any Bizarro cartoon, go here. What says, "I love you so much I wanted to give you a funny picture to put on your wall" better than a Bizarro cartoon? Or, what says, "your opinions are so idiotic I wanted to give you a picture making fun of you" better than a Bizarro cartoon?

Bizarro prints, the multi-purpose gift for any occasion.

See You At NY Comic Co

For those of you in the NYC area, I'll be signing, drawing, and selling junk at the Comic Con this weekend on Friday, April 18. At 2pm, I'll be at the Andrews McMeel Universal (AMU) booth signing posters of my new pirate cartoons book cover. The book won't be out until August, so these posters will be collector's items!

After that is over, about 3pm, I'll be hopping over to the IndieSpinnerRack booth and hanging out for a couple hours selling and signing my retrospective book (blue cover) from last year, drawing elaborate sketchcards (see examples below, front and back) for a nominal price, and selling my new line of trading cards, which are not even in stores yet! What?! Oh my god, ("oh my nobody" for atheist readers) the three or four Bizarro fans who show up for this event will go home with some rare booty, indeed!

Hope to see you there –and if you tell me you found out about it on my blog, I'll give you an extra special premium gift! Don't know what yet, but try not to act disappointed when you see it. www.nycomiccon.com

Bizarro Trading Cards AT LAST!

That's right, you read that correctly! No longer do you have to waste money on trading cards with pictures of people and events that you don't really care about. Now you can get trading cards with cartoons on them! Funny cartoons that were not created while on steroids!

Imagine finding just the right cartoon to lampoon your boss and leaving it anonymously on his/her door at lunchtime. Imagine the thrill you will experience when someone calls and thanks you for sending them a delightful little full-color comic in the mail! Imagine sharing them with your kids and teaching them to be sarcastic and cynical, just like DAN PIRARO! Is this much fun legal? Only one way to find out!

Go to http://bizarrotradingcards.com/ and pre-order yours now. Save the first few packages UNOPENED for thirty years and sell them for TWICE the cover price! No need to thank me, it's the least I can do!


All Bizarro trading cards come with my personal guarantee: If you're not satisfied beyond your wildest expectations, you can just give them away!

P.S.Don't you just LOVE exclamation points?!!!

Refugees Unite!

Badly designed, impossible to navigate, ugly, loud, depressing, reeking of death. How did this beast that is eating the fabric of our civilization and puking it up on the shoes of our future achieve such popularity? I might be talking about the Bush War, but in this case I'm referring to MySpace.

I had a blog on MySpace for a while and it made my colon throb. And not in a good way. So, at the helpful advice of many of you, my readers, I abandoned it like the religion I was raised in and moved over to Blogger. I pray to the multitude of gods I no longer believe in (proud atheist) that it treats me – and you – well.

The groovy photo below is of me the night I met Dennis Kucinich and his wife, Elizabeth. I am a fan of his philosophies and politics and was thrilled to discover he has been a fan of my cartoons. (We're both ethical vegans) He's very charming and affable and I gave him one of my new books. I always pull a wagon full of books behind me in case I meet someone I admire.

More in a week or so. Hope you like the new blog and please tell your friends, family, and enemies all about it!
Smooches,
Dan