Monday, October 13, 2008

Youth Burglar

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Ravages of Time. "Soon to be in a mirror near you."

This cartoon confused a few readers, though I would not have anticipated that. Part of it is my fault. By hiding the dynamite under the old geezer's chair, people assumed it meant something about death or suicide. My bad, as the kids say. For the unknowing: I put a few icons in each cartoon – pie, dynamite, eyeball, alien, K2, bunny head – and it has nothing to do with the joke. See here for deeper meanings.

Instead, the cartoon is just meant to be a simple before/after visual of what time does to us. Nothing more philosophical than that, sorry.

I recently turned older on my birthday, something that I have been doing once every year or so for most of my life. I may discontinue that practice soon, however, as I am not happy with some of the side effects.

I enjoy every aspect of aging except for the effect it seems to be having on my body. I still look much younger than I am, which is good, but I don't feel much younger, which is bad. I can now pull a muscle in my back just by sneezing. The pain lasts for days. My knees sound like gravel in a cardboard box when I climb stairs. Mysterious pains pop up in my joints for no reason and hang around for weeks.

On the brighter side, everything else about my life is better. Sex is better because I know what I'm doing. (Finally!) Relationships are better because I don't let erroneous fears and needless anxieties rule my emotions. I'm better at my job, think more clearly, am able to ignore the bullsh*t minutiae in life and see the big picture more readily. I am much more confident overall and my creative abilities and hand skills continue to improve with practice. I have also given up the hope that I may one day be able to move objects with my mind or fly without mechanical assitance.

I expect I may live to be 100, many of us in this generation will if we don't render the planet uninhabitable for humans or blow each other up first. But in the end, I don't really care how long I live, as long as the quality is good.

Of course, all bets are off if McCain steals the upcoming election.


isee3dtoo said...

Okay, you almost made me throw up with that...

..."woman on the beach" photo.

You don't need to see the front of her to tell how low the breast are hanging, I mean sagging. The strings on her top tell you that much.

It does tell you that either she is delusional and still thinks she looks good or she had an incredible amount of self-confidence and worth. Or that it is RuPaul.

Also what sick websites do you surf looking for photos like that???

Jezzka said...

i agree with isee3dtoo, sweet moses, heebie, jeebie. why do you do these things to hurt our eyes?

frankly, i think it's great she has such self confidence, but it strongly compels me to a thousand butt crunches and pelvic thrusts.

excuse me while i go maintain my thighs and buns of steel...where are my jane fonda tapes...

PIRARO said...

I spared you the front view. She actually have big, phony tits that stand out, but sag, like melons. Yikes.

Shortcake said...

keep eating a vegan diet and you'll definitely live until you're 100. and have lots of sex. that stuff's like the fountain of youth.

derekamalo said...


Dallas Morning news! Bizarro is still in the paper - it is now a strip instead of a
panel. So check out right next to the Sudoku.
Thanks for the email.


Office Manager/GuideDaily

The Dallas Morning News

marin_explorer said...

Your old guy in the comic reminds me of a tortoise--if only we lived as long!

Robert Finis said...

Amen to who cares how long, as long as the quality is good. I'm not trying to be unhealthy, but I see no reason to live to be 100 if I'm only going to be withered and miserable. Thus I expose my body to small amounts of extra toxins at all times (in the form of different brews of alcohol, and different leaves of tobacco) in the hopes that it will kill me dead when I'm too weak to really live. And that's a joke, so don't go trying to rationalize it.

Jezzka said...

d, if you could say hooba woobers next time, instead of the word tits, that would make me feel better. the "t" word feels cold and pointy and makes me want to go put on a sweater.


isee3dtoo said...

hooba woobers?

I just go all tits for those. I like the chocolate coated ones in the quart container the best.

remember the jingle: "hooba woobers that's our name the yummy candy you will go tits for"

Jezzka said...

i think you got hoobers mixed up with malty choco-latte tatte balls.

isee3dtoo said...

hoobers make my nipples hard.

My cat like whoppers the malted milk of candy, and let not for goobers (chocolate cover peanuts) or the guy on andy griffith.

Jezzka said...

i recommend a sweater for those nips of yours, you wouldn't want to poke someone's eye out with those...or maybe you would??! woooo...

speaking of movie theater candy snacks, i like skittles and mint chocolate chip dibbs. juju bees are fun too.

isee3dtoo said...

Yes at 6'5" my nips are eye high.

isee3dtoo said...

I worked in a drive-in theater for 7 years in high school and during my BA/BS years. I was a Good & Plenty man.

They use to pre-pop the pop-corn and reheat it. In some cases the pop-corn was a month old. The butter was labeled "artificially flavored buttery oil for artificially flavored buttered pop-corn". Since my theater days I have never bought popcorn, let alone ate popcorn at a theater that was buttered flavored.

Jeff said...

Steals the election.
Have you heard oc ACORN?

Laura Skibinsky said...

I also became a year older...last friday...what a thing to celebrate!
I keep getting older and I still have no perspectives of becoming rich or marrying anybody who is rich! I need a job and a flat and...

At least your birthdays have made you wiser,
and a great artist.

Beady-El said...

Stephen Wright Joke: Two babies were born the same day at the same hospital, and were placed side by side in the maternity ward. They spent a while just looking at each other.

Their families took them away, and they lived out their whole lives.

90 years later, by an amazing coincidence, the same two, now old men, lay on their deathbeds in the same hospital, in the same room together.

One looks at the other and says: "Well? What did you think?"