Sunday, October 12, 2008

Big Furry Feet

Today's Bizarro cartoon is brought to you by Unexplained Phenomena.

I got the idea for this gag a month-or-so ago when those two backwater Einsteins from Georgia claimed to have found the body of a "Bigfoot". It later turned out to be a ratty old monkey costume. I'll be darned.

I looked at these guys two ways: if they did it as a joke, knowing they'd get caught and just seeing how far down the road to Wonderland they could take the media and Bigfoot Believers, they were geniuses – if they did it thinking they could get away with it and be famous, they were barely smarter than their ratty monkey-suit partner.

I'm not sure why people are so fascinated with the idea of a big hairy thing running around in the woods. It must fill some common psychological need or so many people worldwide wouldn't be trying so hard to believe it, especially in the face of overwhelming odds against it.

Let's say for the sake of argument that creatures the size of RuPaul are scampering through the woods all over this planet. And not just one or two, but enough to keep the species going for centuries. And even though they are huge, hairy, slow-moving and all over the place, they've never been caught or photographed. And they have gigantic feet making them all that much easier to track and impossible to sneak around in terrain which is mostly covered with crackly dead leaves. Even if we believe all of that, to make this creature plausible we further have to believe that it is also smart enough to bury itself before it dies, so its remains are never found, in spite of the throngs of rednecks crawling through the underbrush looking.

I'm going to guess the whole thing is a myth. (If only RuPaul were.)

Invaders from another planet is another story, however. Far more possibilities, far more evidence, far more liklihood. I am convinced many have assimilated into our society and some may even be trying to make their way into our government.

On November 4, won't you help me stop them?


Penny said...

Poor Cindy. If Botox becomes illegal, she'll fall apart. I actually do feel sorry for her, but will cackle with delight when her husband goes down in flames on election day.

derekamalo said...

hey dan you gotta be a little psyched i saw the expected electoral votes and it has obama whipping mccains ass...

even in california..i guess only shwartzenegger was endorsing mccain

so if you ever do relocate on west coast you can be proud ca, oregon and washington all taking obama

jeremy must be proud

vivthegreat said...

Hi Dan! Greetings from Singapore. I read the following article in a local newspaper on 11 Oct and it mentioned Bizarro so I typed out an excerpt:



You may well wonder why the headline accompanying this commentary puts it in a negative way: "It's not bizarre". Why not say that living up to 100 or beyond can be rather than what it won't be?

Because what life is like - and may be like - for people who are 100 years or older is a multi-faceted scene with innumerable variables.

Despite the uncertainties, my sense is that centenarians will not find living past that age bizarre in the grotesque or repulsive sense.

Why the word "bizarre" then? Because of the Bizarro cartoon published in newspapers around the world last Monday.

Satirical artist Dan Piraro, who draws the celebrated single-panel daily cartoon has a really weird sense of humour.

He divided the panel of the Oct 6 Bizarro vertically into two parts. On the left was a 'Before' drawing showing a smiley, wide-eyed baby obviously happy to have arrived.

On the right was an 'After' drawing of a bespectacled old man, eyes closed, face wrinkled, hands on a walking stick even though he was seated, hunched, a lit stick of dynamite under his chair. He seemed to be waiting for departure from this world. Suicide? Euthanasia?

The caption at the bottom of the cartoon said: "The devastating effects of LLS (Long Life Syndrome)."

How sad if that picture were representative of longevity! It need not be. Of course, older people not blessed with good health or the means to live comfortably would feel in their despair that "life's like that". But misfortune can strike a person at any age.

So don't let that day's Bizarro discourage you if you want to live up to 100 or beyond. If you have no wish to live that long, you may not welcome the news that your body - as distinct from your brain and your own free will - may have the last say.



Actually, I don't really get the cartoon. Do I take it at face value or is there some deeper meaning? (You never can be sure with Dan Piraro...) Can someone explain it to me?

shipping troll said...

Apparently the author of that article isn't as big a fan of Piraro's work, or he would understand the "stick of Dynamite" Under the chair. As for "Long Life Syndrome" it goes along with the old adage that when you are in perfect health, you are only dieing at the slowest possible rate.
"I came into the world naked and screaming, and I hope to leave the same way." - Someone famous.

vivthegreat said...


Yeah, that's what I thought when I read the stick of dynamite part. :D I especially love the Sunday cartoons because they're in colour and sometimes Dan puts up to 10 symbols in them.

And thanks for the explanation :)

isee3dtoo said...

The thing with UFO's.

They travel light years in distance (don't believe the worm hole crap and string theory, Steven Hawking is smoking dope in is old age, so yes it took them many years) and then they:

1. Crash -- Though they did pick Roswell which was the same place the Robert Goddard (the first American Rocketeer) tested his rockets.

2. Anal probe some guy in Buttf--k Kansas, nice little town near Bumf--k Oklahoma, but with nicer trailer parks.

3. All have the same features as the Close Encounters of the Third Kind aliens. Note that before Close Encounters aliens could look like anything from pointing ears and green to a giant squid but after Close Encounters all reported aliens look the same.

4. Supposed we use the information from the crash to increase our own technology. Kind of funny that the technology increase raised us from 1947 tech to, um, 1967 tech but it took us 20 years to do it. Or maybe it raised us to 2007 tech though we did it in 60 years. Those aliens flying around in a space ship full of 2007 tech, maybe that is why they crashed.

Klato Verata Nickto

P.S. Butt Head Astronomer Carl Sagan claimed at one time to be the world foremost expert on exobiology. Exobiology being life on other planets. I calm I know at least as much as he did and I would offer up that every one who reads this knows as much as I do. Unless you live or lived in Kansas or Oklahoma then by all means you know more.

shipping troll said...

Well I did spend a year in Kansas one day...

marin_explorer said...

I'm not sure why people are so fascinated with the idea of a big hairy thing running around in the woods.

--Guys embracing their "inner primate"

I'm laughing at all your political subtext--I suppose you can't do that in your panels?

Jeremy said...

I have a topper for you Dan. When I was 13 my dad took me along with a couple friends of his to an old wood cutter named Stan Johnson. He eventually went into Art Bell's radio talkshow. This guy claimed he had met Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) and they are an alien race from the 5th dimension. My dad video taped us asking him questions about then taking him to the 5th dimension when he was cutting wood. he had all sorts of details like having to take off any metal he had to go there. (This is sad that I remember that after 15 years)

Now at 13 I of course thought this was all plausible. I am a little disappointed though in my dad and his friends. He had a picture of the supposed creatures in his living room and I asked him if he drew it. Stan said that the artist read his mind and drew what he saw in his mind. That about puts the icing on it.

Excellent assessment, isee3dtoo. The vast distances from our planet that these creatures could have to have come from is mind boggling enough without the rest of the implausibilities.

greg oakes said...

NOVA Online - Fantastic Creatures