Auction Art for Charity

The original ink drawing of this cartoon is on eBay for a charity auction right now. Currently, the price is WAY below what I charge for my drawings, so if you're into this kind of thing, have a look.

Misunderstanding the Superdork

Bizarro is brought to you today by Lingering Questions.

Some of the most surprising mail I get is from readers who take my cartoons to mean something drastically different from what I intended. This cartoon attracted a letter from a liver transplant recipient who thought I was insinuating that most liver transplants are required because the patient was an alcoholic.

This never occurred to me when I was drawing this cartoon, nor at any other time in my life, I was simply making the cliche comic connection between liver damage and excessive drinking.

Come to think of it, I'm not entirely sure what the hell this cartoon means. Now that he has a liver he can drink? Could he not drink before he had a liver? But why try to make too much sense of a cartoon about a talking lion and a tin robot anyway?

Even if you're not a football fan, you may enjoy this Superbowl story: CHNW and I were watching the Superbowl last night at our place with a friend. We have one of those DVR cable box things, so I was recording the game while we watched it so we could pause it, rewind, etc., and not risk losing the feed by accidentally changing channels or something. And since we were pausing it now and then, we were about 45 minutes behind the live feed.

In the third quarter it suddenly occurred to me that if the game went into overtime, the recording might run out and we'd miss it, so I'd better also record the show AFTER the game, just to be sure. So I clicked the "guide" button and selected the show right after the game and intended to hit the button that would instruct the DVR to record it. Instead, in a moment of colossal hand-eye coordination error, I hit the button that switches from the recorded show we were watching (the game in the 3rd quarter) to what was playing "live" on the channel at that moment. Which happened to be the very moment that Drew Brees, quarterback for the Saints, was holding up the trophy, confetti streaming down all around him. Of course. Why couldn't it have been another damned Geico commercial?

And thus ended our Superbowl party. I felt like a complete jerk, but was thankful that it wasn't a large Superbowl party, with 30 or 40 attendees with bets riding on the game. I'd likely be typing from a hospital bed right now.

High Wire Act

(For the love of god, click the image to make it bigger!)

Bizarro is brang to you today by Country Charm.

Speaking of wireless, the big news this past week was the Apple iPad. I don't know anything about the product because I don't keep up on these things, but it looks like a giant iPhone that you might find at a novelty store.

Other things I know about the iPad: some say it will revolutionize this or that, others say that it is a piece of crap because it doesn't have a camera.

I bought a little bit of Apple stock a few years ago, so I'm hoping that the "crap" thing isn't true. If all it takes to qualify as a piece of crap is the lack of a camera, 99% of everything I own is crap. In fact, I'm eating crap right now because this banana most certainly does not have a camera.

Here is a funny bit about the iPad from Mad TV that everyone has already seen.

Dummy Coughs Up a Gag

Bizarro is brought to you by Dry and Macho.

This is one of my favorite gags of late. Tons of cartoons have been done on ventriloquists, I've done quite a few myself, so the fact that I can still amuse myself with this topic is an achievement.

Notice I left any hint of blood out of this cartoon. If it had been web-only, I might have made it a bloody finger and the dummy might even have made mention of the fact that he was experiencing some anal bleeding. But for newspapers, this tasteful version is more appropriate. And maybe funnier, too.

Recently, I wrote a gag with the word "fart" in it and the crudeness of the word is such an integral part of the humor that no other word will do. But "fart" is prohibited in the newspaper comics world, so I'm out of luck. I'll have to save it for the book of adult cartoons I hope to publish one day soon. If I can find a publisher for it.

Contest Winners #17

Ladies and gendermen, boys and grills, we have our winners.

Grand Prize: Dan P (not me)
Second Place: Beezelbarb
Third Place: YazDay

Below is the winning list. If you'd like to see a graphic version with the differences circled, click here!















Join me tomorrow for more verbal ejaculations about my daily cartoons and next Thursday for another Bizarro Cartoon Puzzler Teaser Mystery Game Thing! You could be our next winner!!

Contest #17

RULES, ETC:
As usual, two images are posted below, one is the original cartoon, the warped image beneath it has been changed in 15 ways. Your mission, if you are the disco royalty that I think you are, is to find those differences.

1. There are 15 differences between the two cartoons.
2. NONE of the differences have to do with the warped nature of the second image.
3. ALL of the differences are something missing, added, or moved, not just "bent" from the distortion. The differences will not be too subtle, so once you spot one you should be relatively certain you've found it. (As opposed to something like, "Is the hat on this one is a shade lighter than the other one? Hmmm.")
4. FIRST PERSON to correctly list the 15 differences in the comments section of the post wins 4 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards, mailed by me personally from Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn. I'll even lick the stamp, unless it's self adhesive. SECOND AND THIRD persons with correct answers will each get 2 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards!
5. Put your email address on your comment so I can contact you if you win. I won't post it or keep it or file it or sell it or mount a Broadway musical about it.
6. If you live outside the U.S., I may not be able to send you a prize. Depends. Canada is probably fine, Saudia Arabia, probably not.

Click on the image below to ENLARGE and PLAY!

Pieces of Eight

Bizarro is brought to you today by Embarrassing History Under Glass.

Eight relatively unknown facts about pirates:

Pirates did not wear a skull and crossbones on their hats, unless they had recently raided a Halloween store.

While most pirates had parrots on their shoulders, some kept rodents in their pants.

Pirates wore a patch over one eye to save money on mascara.

Unlike their 18th century predecessors, modern day pirates do not attempt to look like Keith Richards.

Many pirates suffered severe bone damage by jamming their foot into a peg leg.

The symbol on the pirate flag, the "Jolly Roger," replaced the "Jolly Rancher" flag in 1704.

Legend has it that one pirate of particularly ruthless reputation had a spell cast on him that made him impervious to death. Many people believe that "Captain Iron Heart" still stalks the world today, spreading terror and misery with unparalleled blood lust.

As far as historians can determine, there was never a pirate called Tyler "Poopy Drawers" Cohen.

Don't forget today's contest at 7pm Eastern. Be there or be squarely elsewhere.