Sunday, February 6, 2011

Super Things

(If you are the person who wants to see this cartoon bigger, click the second cactus from the left. If you want to see the cartoon on fine products of many sorts, click these blue words!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by the Sacred Second Amendment.

Today is the day of The Super Bowl, the most watched TV event in American history, even more than the Civil War. Maybe you have a bulbous I.Q. and are not into sports, but for the rest of us, here is why you should watch it.

1. It's super, it says so right in the name. Our American legal system is the best in the world, even better than the Old Testament's, and we would not let them say "super" if it wasn't true.

2. It has "bowl" in the name, too, and good things come in bowls. Cereal, pudding, jello, chili, soup, cherries, goldfish. You never hear of anything bad coming in a bowl. Yak dung? Wrestler spit? Soiled undergarments? No.

3. Where else can you watch millionaires beat on each other? If you ever hear of a show where CEOs, politicians and stockbrokers are beating the crap out of each other in public, let me know because I'm in! Until then, I'll take the Super Bowl.

4. Ben Roethlisberger is the head guy on one of the teams and has been accused twice in one year of raping young women. Wouldn't it be fun to see him lose?
4.1. If he wins, though, it would be a serious bummer because I really hate him, even though I love the city of Pittsburgh and even the Steelers if he was not on the team.

5. People say the commercials are really great, but I think those people are mostly confusing the term "really great" for "very expensive and intentionally outrageous." Can anything be truly great now that Michael Jackson is dead? Seriously.

That's my TV recommendation for today. Pop back by tomorrow when I'll tell you why you should start watching the game show, "Wipeout".

In closing, here is another installment of Bizarro Readers' Pets. The photos have just been flooding in, if two pictures are a flood. This one features Schultzie, age 14 and was sent in by Cindy. The cartoon is from the mid-eighties, so old that I can't even find it in my archives.


Anonymous said...

I was wondering, is the cowboy who said "horse thieves" a centaur?

Unknown said...

Dan -- Love your stuff. But (don't ya just hate that?), I would be remiss if I didn't point out that the 2nd Amendment is not sacred, at least it's no more sacred than, say, the 1st, 4th, or 5th.

BA said...

THANK YOU for letting us see bigger cartoons. Some of us are very intellectually child-like and enjoy seeing big colorful images. In honor of this concession, I have started scouring the merch site for a toon that is meant to be worn on a onesie by my 4-month-old daughter.

Another thank you for acknowledging the evil nature of a certain quarterback. Fortunately for his ugly ass, in this country we are all guilty until proven rich. He happens to be both, but the system determined to only focus on the latter. And I am a student of the law, so I know what I'm talking about.

Go Congealed-Bovine-Mammary-Secretion Heads!

Piraro said...

Yes, he's a centaur. Click on the cartoon and you can see it larger.

Janta said...

Actually, keeping goldfish in bowls is a bad thing. Some Italian cities, including Rome, have banned the practice on the grounds of cruelty.

Anonymous said...

thank you for explaining. i was a bit confused, but i totally understand the comic now.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the best drawn Bizarro comic I've seen (though not the funniest). Really nice!