Thursday, October 16, 2008

Beauty Pageant

Today's Bizarro cartoon is brought to you by the contents of this guy's purse.

Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, truer words were never spoken. Some find beauty in hot dudes in the desert, others in contact lenses for sports fanatics. I find beauty in hot babes on vintage scooters, for instance.

I used to be embarrassed by the fact that I am so enamored with physical beauty. It is virtually impossible for me to have a romantic relationship with a woman that I don't find physically beautiful. I know that beauty is no substitute for personality, charm, intelligence, humor, compassion, creativity, gymnastics skills, etc., and so I must have those things, too, in order to consider an intimate relationship. It cuts the field of candidates down quite a bit, I can tell you.

But now, in my declining years, I have come to understand that it is simply the way I am wired. A person has no more control over their sexual proclivities than the colors they find attractive or fragrances they enjoy. For instance, the most beautiful, charming, intelligent, creative, compassionate, educated woman in the world could walk up to me stark naked and ask me to take her home, and if she smelled like a full litter box, I would turn her down. I'm one of those people who does not like the smell of a litter box, and I have to accept that in myself.

I am, however, completely perplexed by some couples I see. I wonder how does "he" find "her" attractive, or vice versa. It's all in the eye of the beholder. And it is good to remember that somewhere out there are people wondering how the woman I'm with finds me attractive or vice versa.

Well, probably not vice versa very often. I'm no George Clooney.

22 comments:

xyling said...

The scooter pic is a little "Quadrophenia 2: Village of the Damned Edition"...

creepy.

Leigh said...

I think you and your woman are very well suited for each other. I knew who she was right away at your show. That she came out and jumped, +10! (BTW - I think you're way better looking than George Clooney, he's really not very good looking IMO, kinda creepy really)

I think women tend to be more forgiving of physical appearance than men. You just don't see really hot guys walking around with frumpy, greasy skinned girls. At least I don't here in CA.

What I find attractive and what is generally attracted to me are two completely, different things. I have opted not to date rather than settle. I like to think that wanting to be with someone who is intelligent and funny and who won't break my camera isn't asking too much. It's not like I'm asking for a Brendon Fraser or anything.

Jodie said...

You are bizzaro after all! My husband and I were most attracted by how our brains work and how we both love liberal politics. I love his writing. He loves my health insurance. It's all good!

penny said...

Leigh,

So in light of your admission that you are attracted to Dan, did you also find Don Knotts to be a looker?

Lorie said...

Clooney not very good looking?!?! Your standards are simply not high enough! Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder.

PIRARO said...

Thanks for comparing me to Don Knotts, Penny. One more comment like that and I'll have you banned from the Internet forever.

derekamalo said...

PENNY

for the record put this link on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlyEWR8uYxw

and go about to 2:17 and listen to the roar given for don knotts.....personally i think dans proud being compared to don

as acomedian his passive aggressiveness paved the way for chris farley and others which is true..

Jezzka said...

don't judge a book by its cover is a motto i have stitched on all my under panty leiderhosens.

Penny said...

YAY! I still have my own troll! My life is complete.

Ooh, maybe it's joshthecartoonguy, posting incognito from Iraq?

Michael Tallon said...

It a typo--I mean, it's a typo, right? Was that intentional?

penny said...

So how exactly are you not MY troll, Penny #2? You've got some nerve.

Jennie Panic said...

you and your wife are both attractive people and of like minded interests... plus, you have a sense of humour and that goes a loooong way..it's why I've been married so long!

Superhero Spouse said...

penny-no-peace-sign,

Are you joshing? Or maybe just uninformed? I can say this with complete impunity and certainty from my safe married lady's perch: Dan is hot. He is. And not in a Don Knotts way, whatever way that is.

The first time I saw Dan I had no idea who he was but the minute he and his wife walked in I had to know; who was that hip, gorgeous couple? And why were they stealing our thunder? (Mr. Superhero and I generally prefer to be the king and queen of every parade we attend)

Both Piraros were radiant -- excellent representatives of a vegan lifestyle -- and oh so snazzily dressed. Dan has style and charisma, real intelligence and warmth, integrity and true sexiness that comes from being completely comfortable in his skin.

And for the record, I think George Clooney is fabulous and gorgeous and as sexy as hell. I would marry him tomorrow except that would plunge me into a sticky mire of bigamy (aside from the fact that GC would likely refuse me)... oh, but who cares because he is just too too dreamy to pass on, in spite of his presumed reticence and my existing husband. GC is a big lefty, too. Heck, I'd do a nickel in the Q for bigamy if I could perpetrate it with GC and Mr. Superhero.

Rose~* said...

Must be the same hair stylist that I used to go to . . .

SAYOTTE316 said...

Dan is hot...I'd bang him but a threesome with Frances would be out of the question as there would be nothing no longer funny said in the bedroom.

penny said...

hey superhero spouse - how could i be uninformed of dan's looks? he has his picture plastered all over the blog. to each her own, i guess. he still looks somewhat gawky to me.

Lorie said...

Superhero spouse - you are overqualified for an tryst with Clooney due to your superhero wife status. He tends to date down as his last conquest proved. I will therefore step in and do my civic duty to protect your marriage to Superhero and become a practicing polygamist (if I am going to get into trouble I am going to be greedy about it). These are the sacrifices we make to keep the order. I would like my stretch in the can to be served at Folsom, as the Q is no longer fashionable.

So Dan-in-real-life is really dreamy? I would like an autographed Tiger Beat-style pin-up for my bedroom from Dan, saying "Stay sweet, Love, Dan".

julie said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa - Lorie. You are MARRIED?

Lorie said...

Alas, poor, poor Julie, it is true. When I came to the realization that your stalking is a manifestation of your unrequited love for me, my first response was to throw up in my mouth a little. But you must move on. There is a Ms. Troll out there for you somewhere. Go to her - run, run toward the light!

julie said...

Lorie - since you keep running away from answering the question, I'll ask it again - what every happened to "I won't be posting on this blog again until you go away"? Full of shallow promises?

Leigh said...

Penny,

Being able to disassemble someone's physical characteristics and make a judgment on those characteristics is not the same as attraction.

As far as comparing Dan to old guys ... Don Knotts a bit scary. Based on how well Dan seems to be aging, I suspect that will be 140 or 150 before he looks that bad.

Superhero Spouse said...

lorie, you are kind to help lead me from the temptation that is Clooney. Please take notes and post the details of your encounter and at least allow me live vicariously.

And yes, Dan is in real life dreamy. Not just to me, either. When I attended a show with him a few months ago in an undisclosed Northern California coastal town, Dan was being relentlessly pursued by a very buxom blond fan roughly half his age. Dan held up well under her kittenish onslaught, remaining stalwart in his avoidance of any compromise to his marital vows. I razzed him about it later, after he'd politely extricated himself from her adoration and he just shrugged it off. I have a feeling it happens to him all the time.

Penny minus peace sign, I don't think you can tell much about a person's sexiness from a photo. Ask anyone who has come away disappointed after meeting their match.com date for the first time. However, I do admit to an eclectic taste in men (and occasionally women), preferring the interesting, offbeat and creative type to some cookie cutter mall dude.