Friday, July 18, 2008

Pale Backs

Today's Bizarro cartoon is dedicated to the patriotic men and women of the American Northern Border Patrol. "If it looks like a Canuck and walks like a Canuck, we shoot at it."

Before any literal-minded readers' wigs start smoking, let me say I do NOT advocate shooting Canadians. Unless they are trying to sneak over the border, then they are fair game.

As the army of misinformation drones on Fox News tell us daily, illegal immigration is the biggest problem our country faces. They are behind the high price of gas, the sinking dollar, our faltering infrastructure, and the war in Iraq. It's not US, it's THEM. Any fool can see that.

But wait, the border between Canada and the U.S. is the longest unguarded border in the world. No fence, no barricades, no machine guns or howitzers pointed at Toronto. What gives?

That is a rhetorical question, of course. The last thing I want is for the U.S. to shut off the flow of illegal immigrants from Canada. My housekeeper and yard people are illegal Canadians, they work for peanuts and I don't have to pay their social security. Also, Canadian food is my absolute favorite. What would I do without my weekly moose tacos and Montreal Margarita? I contend that Canadians are hard working and gladly filling jobs that Americans feel are beneath them. So what if they talk funny? Who cares if they smell like maple syrup and think hockey is more important than football? I fail to see how they are eroding the fabric of our nation.

It's amazing what a little pale skin can do to alleviate a national security threat.


Anonymous said...

one thing ive never understood is that many americans seem to think us canadians are dying to immigrate to the States. Whereas in reality most of us are quite happy where we are.

Penny Mitchell said...

Hockey IS more important than football. GO AVS!!!!!

La Framéricaine said...

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I live in the land of Prop 187 and get ever so weary of hearing about how the Messicans are wrecking it for the real Americans.

I'll be in Montréal on 08/08/08 for my 20th wedding anniversary and can't wait to hear the cool Québecois accent in French.

That's aboot it!

TennYuk said...

where did that stereo type come from? it doesn't sound like "A-boot" when we say about... it's more like "A-boat"

and we do love it up here

and I'm proud that I smell like Maple Syrup and play Hockey

Anonymous said...

I hope Canada will take me...Maybe they will want to purchase Alaska? We have oil and eveything...

B.A.D. said...

You expect me to give up free health care and Vegan Doritos to clean your floors for football and your lousy dollar?

I say, the joke is on you my friend.
And it's about, not a boot.

disabled account said...

then it's just the canadians who come to the states that say aboot and ootside?....i for one love the canadian accent and all of the health care and other good stuff that comes with it.

you guys have vegan doritos? now i love canada even more!

this post had me laughing out loud dan. thanks!

go avs!

Piraro said...

These seem like good-natured comments, but I just wanted to clarify that I was kidding and I love Canada. Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver are three of my fave places in North America. I've considered seeking sanctuary there many times after one of our phony elections.

And my two fave TV sports are hockey and American football, in that order, but with hockey WAY ahead. Go Rangers!

Penny Mitchell said...

Thank you for not saying, "Go Red Wings!" I would be forced to reconsider my love for you.

Anonymous said...

I have to show this to my Canadian colleague on Monday. He will love it for sure, I hope.

Unknown said...

I find it a disgrace that you spoke of Canadian food but did not link to a beautiful shot of poutine.


Anonymous said...

this one is awesome! i use to have a canadian roommate and i would silently cheer in my head every time she would say a-boot. "what a-boot this, or what a-boot that?"


B.A.D. said...

c: Poutine= not vegan.

Unless your at my house anyways.

Scocasso! said...

I was living in Japan and in the building where I lived there were a lot of foreigners from German, France, Australia, and even Canadian and Americans. Another Canadian and I were hanging out with a couple Americans when they told us about, you know, "Arood aboot the hoose." We had no idea what they were talking about, but they explained that it was an imitation of the way Canadians say "about". We told them that some American tourists must have taken a plane to Scotland or somewhere and decided that it was Canada since they spoke some kind of strange English. FYI Canadians do not say "aboot".

They also told us about Canadian Bacon, which we also had never heard of, even after they described what it was, we'd never seen it before.