Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Non Bizarro Parade

Today's cartoon is not a Bizarro at all, and is brought to you by Parade Magazine. "Don't rain on us. Newsprint melts."

After decades of featuring Howard Huge and The Lockhorns in their comics section, Parade Magazine has recently taken on a small stable of different cartoonists to fill their page. I'm lucky enough to be one of them, and here are a few samples of ones they've run.

For the uninitiated, Parade is a semi-slick pull-out magazine that is included in Sunday newspapers all across the country. Many hundreds of markets, more markets than Bizarro's daily list, for sure. So this is nice exposure for me and a little extra money here and there. My drug habit being what it is, I can always use extra money.

They even have a caption contest now and then, which is fun. A couple of the future caption contests will feature my cartoons, so keep an eye out for them.

The first cartoon above is one of my favorites that Parade has bought. I like technology and always get a kick out of learning something new on my computer or phone, but I didn't grow up with it so it is more intimidating to me that it is for those of you under thirty.

I'm not a complete klutz, I've never taken a picture of my ear while trying to make a call, but I have spent 11 minutes sending a text message that would have taken me 11 seconds to speak, only to be texted back four paragraphs of copy less than a minute later. Who are these people with such fast and nimble fingers and why aren't they heart surgeons?

I've always loved lava lamps and am fortunate to have an original one from the 60s (exactly like this one, sans coffee mug) which came with CHNW when we married. Some would say that's not much of a dowry, but I'm happy with it. I also like volcanoes, but I don't have one.

I like this penguin joke, too. Tiny Speedos on just about anything other than a hot babe, are just inherently funny. Or disgusting. I actually have two swim suits: a baggy surfer-style one that I use for American beaches, and a small Euro-style Speedo (like this size) that I wear to foreign beaches. It's actually more comfortable and I don't feel as if I'm swimming in a dress, as I do with the big baggy American one. But wearing the small suit on an American beach just makes me feel conspicuous. People tend to assume I'm gay (partly because of the suit and partly because I am so good-looking and have such a great body) or an exhibitionist. I'm sure you ladies know what I mean when I say that being hit on by men is not conducive to a relaxing day at the beach.


Mel2 said...

Wow. A picture of Daniel Craig in a swimsuit. And it's not even my birthday! Thanks, Dan. And congratulations on your increased, um...exposure. In Parade. You know what I mean.

disabled account said...

thanks for the picture of daniel craig...really! i think it's now burned into my retinas so i'm set for life. now i don't care what anyone says, there must be a santa.

and yay for you with the parade magazine gig! i will be sure to pay attention to that now.

i don't own a volcano either.

La Framéricaine said...

I wasn't laughing when I started reading your post. I was actually falling asleep. But it is too early to fall asleep in good conscience, so I thought I pay you a visit. I laughed all the way through and thank you once again for the lightening of my mental load!

doug nicodemus said...

exposure is good as long as YOU keep your clothes on...now your wife...that's another story

paddling_ghost said...

What happens if you wear the speedos under the bloomers?

Robert Gidley said...

I'm so glad to see a Piraro in Parade, instead of another idiot Howard Huge!

Piraro said...

Oddly enough, I HAVE worn my speedo under my bloomers. My bloomers tend to slide down on my hips too much sometimes and I get a bad sunburn across my lower back/upper buttocks when snorkeling. (TMI?) The speedo keeps that white stripe below the belt line from getting sun.

As you can see, almost no detail is spared in this blog.

Anonymous said...

TMI! ha! you are too cool for school!

i got to stop goofin off at work, your bloggies is addicting!

B.A.D. said...

For what it is worth, I'm turning 20. Cell phones still scare me and each text message takes me 20 minutes to send [which maybe due to my refusal to adapt to "texting lingo" like "ur" "u" and company].

My 32 year old friends mock me and my texting related struggles.

Congrats on your new gig!

B.A.D. said...

also yhdp does this stand for Your Host Dan Piraro?