Sunday, February 22, 2009
(Jonesin' for a bigger picture? Click it like a red-headed stepchild.)
Bizarro is brought to you today by Zeus, King of the Gods.
What man wouldn't want to be a centaur? You'd have all of the benefits of a human upper body – dexterity, human intelligence, a good place to hang a nice shirt – plus all the benefits of a horse's entire body: speed, strength, majesty, great kicking, hung like a...
You'd have an advantage in almost any sport (exceptions: skiing, snowboarding, cycling, auto racing [not really a 'sport', per se, in my opinion] skydiving [not a 'sport' either], hockey, soccer, pole vault, diving, swimming, bowling [not a sport], tennis, racquetball.) Okay, you'd have an advantage in a few sports like football, basketball, kickboxing, baseball [maybe], and all running events. But even without sports, it would still be so cool to be able to gallop like a horse, tower above crowds, and kick the crap out of anyone who made "horse's ass comments."
Being a satyr would not be as much fun, maybe no fun at all. I can't think of many advantages of being part goat. I like goats, I just don't want to be one. Yes, satyrs have a tremendous sexual appetite and sex is often considered fun, but how many women are willing to throw down with a goat?
And pretty much nobody would want to be the third brother. No advantages there whatsoever, unless you're just really into pecking. I think that guy would need a centaur brother just to keep him from getting the stuffings beaten out of him.