Monday, August 25, 2008

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Today's Bizarro is made possible by a grant from None Of Your Damn Business, Mofo!

We've all been insulted by uppity sales clerks or receptionists from time to time. When I was younger and more insecure, it used to really piss me off. Now, I'm relieved to say, I let it roll off me with a smile.

Let's say I'm strolling through Nieman Marcus (which, in and of itself, would mean that a dirty bomb had detonated near my home and I could not return without purchasing a radiation-proof hazmat suit and that was the only store within 1000 miles selling them – but for the sake of argument, let's just say I'm in that hellish place shopping) and I ask a clerk how much a pair of white socks are and he says, "$225," and I say, "For a pair of socks? For real? Do they talk or have a stock portfolio or something?" and the clerk gives me snooty look and says, "They're Donna Karan," and walks away smugly.

In my youth, my face would have flushed as though I had been slapped and I would have shouted, "If you could afford $225 socks you wouldn't be working here, you prick!"

But now that I'm older, wiser and more secure, in the same circumstance I would simply tap the clerk politely on the shoulder, shake his hand and with a smile on my face say, "I've got crabs and I never wash my hands."

My hairline notwithstanding, maturity has many rewards.

39 comments:

anonymous said...

Hahaha. Because the company name describes HER. Hahahaha. C'mon - let's get with the funny already, Danny.

Mike Duffau said...

Ha. Ha! This is why I'm such a huge fan of your work when you come up with great wise-cracks on those rich bums that shop in those places like nieman marcus. Great come back to the person who works there who can't afford the pair of socks!
Keep punchin' champ!!!

fido said...

as most of you already know....my grandpa or as the french say pepere possesses a virgin ass and ive seen it ..



im tired of all this bullcrap spoken....

jeremy is only guy making sense....

anonymous,derek and fran get freaken lives its like everyday you need piraro to bring life into your own no lives..

A said...

Is it a mark of my own immaturity that I actually like the first response better? :D

fido said...

im sorry derek i didnt mean that i think your cute....

Elena (o algo así) said...

You just don't get it, do you?

The socks, are more than just socks. they are an item of individuality that tells people who you really are and all you are worth..meaning, how loaded you are!!

your comics are great!
good luck!

Caprichos said...

Lets not forget about the occasional (ahem, me) receptionist who is actually sweet! ;)

keep up the awesome work...

bobo said...

"anonymous,derek and fran get freaken lives its like everyday you need piraro to bring life into your own no lives.."

This from the person who posts the same really lame comment every single day?

Psycho Cat said...

Mr. Piraro-
Thanks for this, and all the great comics over the years. I grew up in Tulsa and went to Booker T. (a few years after you) and loved seeing your quirky artwork around the school's walls. The staff always pointed out your work as proof that we could all one day be successful. (They were wrong, of course.) I always loved your Mickey Mouse hanging from a noose painting. Living a few miles from Disney now, I think of that image quite often. Anyway, keep up the great work!

SpookSpeaking said...

It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it, Dan.

If only to keep in check the hoards of life-usurping parents that call up university academic units on behalf of their un-individuated college-aged children and attempt to take care of business better left to their offspring. Speaking of getting a life...

By the way, have you noticed a poorly-written, knee-jerk, drivel-spewing, antithesis of funny, draft in this corridor of hilarity? Just wondering...

fido said...

when your making $400k a month.....$225 socks not an issue

by the way my pepere is still possessing a virgin ass

derekamalo said...

anonymous full of crap....so after writing a joke everyday for twenty years...piraro is suppose to be upset cause of your accusation....

hes given credit to everyone (and certain week to much credit) on his blogspot that initiated a joke that he "put quite a twist to and made better" and said hes written this year 90 precent of his jokes still


so nothing is being hidden or being uncredited...

lets say there was interent around the first ten years he was doing bizarro and he had a blogspot imagine 3650 blogs.... with the words by the way this joke was written by me dan piraro..

you get it


enough said

fran said...

Derek - How long he's been doing his job is beside the point. If he's unable to do his job, then that is on him. And, as far as Piraro stealing your comics (albeit with your consent) - he is doing far less than "putting quite a twist to and making better." From someone who has seen your originals, I can say Piraro is merely RE-DRAWING your comics. At the very least I hope you are getting paid for doing his work for him.

derekamalo said...

piraro gave me half of his monthly salary.....200k ...and first crack at fidos peperes ass what else more can you ask for?

Johnny said...

Can Derek and Fran just get a room?

Kimberly said...

Well, it was nice for one day, huh? Guess I'll be sticking to just reading the blog and passing on the comments.

It's sad when the lowest common denominator is so very, very low.

One idea (although it's up to the blog author and perhaps any publicity is good publicity) is to moderate the comments. I'm sure Dan has much better things to do.... although, ideally, there wouldn't be any need to moderate them. *Sigh*

La Framéricaine said...

Is there some sort of hostile comic take-over or blogdom hijacking going on here that I'm too dense to recognize?

Should I be looking for the emergency exit or attempting to hide under my desk until the hostage negotiating team get here?

anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA Good one Johnny.

chuck nevitt said...

Perhaps those that whine about the posts they regard as unwanted stop attacking and picking fights with bloggers they don't agree with. But that's crazy talk. Its much easier to bitch about them and call them trolls.

fran said...

It looks like Derek has edited his photobucket account to remove the side-by-side comparisons between his comic and Danny's "copy." Too bad - you'd all see how truly uncreative the Bizarros of late have been.

La Framéricaine said...

I went back and re-read all the comments from August because I didn't get what was going on.

I solemnly swear not to antagonize the trolls or the crunts. I will simply avert my eyes.

Thank you to everyone who clarified the situation over the past month.

Live and learn.

julie said...

I believe "crunt" was a term used by a female poster who said she and her sister created the word while spending many a lonely Friday night gathered around the computer. Not a standard term.

derekamalo said...

Fran

the cops have been notified and you shall be arrested for harrasment and slander very shortly


just like the "lamepolice arrested franc..

you will go to jail 80 plus years

Derek's day nurse said...

Derek - I left the pills on the tray with your peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Did you forget to take them?

fran said...

Not that it registers on my list of things that matter, but you might want to notice that I'm on YOUR side on this issue. If you are not being compensated by Piraro, I think you are being taken advantage of.

doug nicodemus said...

HAHAHA that was a lot funnier then the democratic convention..man you have a lot of commenters...are half of them you or should i be really really jealous?

your word verification system sucks!

Jym said...

=v= This comment-spamming is lame and annoying, and says something about the wit of the loser who would use it to get some bad publicity. Also, Derek Malo's "No Goitering" cartoon was stolen from Jaut.

derekamalo said...

hahahah that is vert creative jym...but quite simply goiter was the only word i thought sounded like loiter..

by the way nice area you live in ..lol

two guys are discussing puns one looks at the other and says thats not even punny..

s this has been done right now and maybe 7 million other tines...

wheres fido

fran said...

Shared gags are common in comics. Similar minds work in similar ways. The difference in this case is that Piraro admits "getting ideas" for comics from Derek, and when you observe said comics by Derek and Dan side by side there is little to no difference besides drawing style. That goes beyond a shared idea. And it is less than honest.

derekamalo said...

hey fran about that room johnny mentioned are you interested....

im single, handsome but hung like a pimple...

still my ex calls me the cunilingus king


maybe you ca write to me and we can put dans blogspot to rest..

i dont know who you like more me ordan or dan or i ...if its artwork go with dan hun but if its for a quickee come my way...by the way is fran short for francesco

Lorie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lorie said...

Peanut Cat says "Julie is a crunt. Crunt, crunt, crunt, crunt, crunt!"

Peanut, stop that! No name calling! And I am not supposed to post to this blog until Julie goes away. Damn cat. But she is so smart.

julie said...

Shocking. Our lonely friend Lorie has an apartment full of cats.

Psycho Cat said...

Like Kimberly, I will be "just reading the blog and passing on the comments".

anonymous said...

When exactly will that start, Psycho Cat?

fran said...

Derek - your "ex" - really? C'mon now. That girl who looked at you across the the lunch room doesn't count. Now put your headgear back on and get to class before you get busted by the hall monitor.

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Gotta love a smartass!..

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