Thursday, October 22, 2009

Deconstructing Death

Bizarro is brought to you today by this guy.

I've often thought I'd rather die than go to prison, especially for a very long time, and super especially if I was old and there was no real chance of getting out before I died.

But then, when actually faced with the moment of truth, I'm guessing I'd just go to prison and deal with it like most people do, rather than offing myself. Unless you've got a special set of chemical and emotional conditions in your head, suicide is pretty much the hardest thing in the world to do. Millions of years of evolution have designed us to think that staying alive is the single most important objective, next to reproducing. Intellectually, it is easy for me to talk myself out of both of those premises, recognizing them as biological features that have singular goals which I do not necessarily share.

Even though I reproduced a couple of times (long ago), I'm not one to think that it makes any difference whatsoever whether my bloodline or my name or my genes carry on. I don't care one way or the other, it's all a speck of dust in the universe. Nor do I honestly believe that it makes any difference if I live for another 45 years or die this afternoon. (Although if I do die this afternoon after having written this blog, it will give birth to volumes of conspiracy theories and false assumptions. I, for one, still believe Andy Kaufman's death was a hoax and he's going to make a grand comeback any day now.)

I can feel sorry for those who love me having to endure my loss, but it won't matter to me or to the world, in any meaningful way. (Nor will I even know I'm dead, much as I didn't know I hadn't been born yet 500 years ago) My readers will lament the loss of my cartoons for a short while, then move on. Whatever.

I'm not trying to solicit sympathy or be depressing, I'm not depressed at all, in fact. I'm just explaining my take on death. In an intellectual sense, it just doesn't bother me. That's not to say I want to die, of course, I don't. At least not while life is still relatively enjoyable. If Sarah Palin is ever elected president, however, that may change.

On a side note, I didn't do this on purpose but I think the lawyer in this cartoon looks a lot like Craig Crawford of Congressional Quarterly, a regular guest on the Keith Olbermann show.

Don't miss today's contest, posted at 4pm, NYC time. Ciao, baby.


James said...

So Dan, if a libertarian was ever elected president, would life still be worth living?

doug nicodemus said...

having lived with a lawyer for 17 went up on the fridge immediately

mne said...

he also kind of looks like stephen colbert

Sam said...

Please stop with the puzzles and return to making me laugh milk out my nose with your funny blogs and random links.

Unknown said...

Something very like that happened to me. In college, was given "probation for the remainder of your academic career" as a reduced punishment as it was 10 days until graduation.

Ryan A. said...

the link on reproducing is out of order.

Waldo said...

Well at least you would have full medical coverage in prison.

Unknown said...

This post reminded me of the "dead in a box" speech by Rosencrantz in Tom Stoppard's play, "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead".

Beyond that, I must say I generally agree with your post and did not read it as being depressed, etc.

When you ARE gone (although it is always possible that I will die before you do - and may either event be well down the road, please!) I will very much miss the both the comic and your posts. Thank you for both. [applause]


dave in toronto said...

If there is a remote possibility that you are gonna 'bite the big one' by this afternoon- any chances of putting together a half dozen or so cartoons to get us through?
(Oh-and have you given any thoughts about your replacement?)

Anonymous Bee said...

Hey man, your links to this post are a blast, but youre "reproduction" link is broken! I mean , it links to a "access denied" page.
Thats not supposed to be on purpose is it?

thomas4143 said...

You really believe you are just a speck in the universe? I'm sorry that you are missing out on life. You ought to give it a little more consideration.