Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Apptitude for Driving

Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Serial Killers.

One of my business partners and closest friends habitually texts while he drives. He sends long paragraphs of information – some of it business related, some of it random musings – disjointed, short, sentences full of misspellings, all sorts of things. I have admonished him on numerous occasions and even refused to answer his texts when I know he is driving, but the habit is one he cannot seem to break.

I have tried to mentally prepare myself for the call I know will eventually come… "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Dan, but Buzz has had an accident." (No, his name isn't really "Buzz," but I call him that to tease him about his other strange [but less dangerous] habit of shaving his entire body daily. At least he doesn't do it while he drives. That I know of.)

Buzz is also hooked on iPhone apps, so this joke is entirely aimed at him. The only thing I didn't do was make the character resemble him. Buzz is so disturbing looking that it would have distracted from the joke and confused readers. Meet Buzz (unshaven).

So please – if you're a good person who contributes positively to the world, don't text and drive. The rest of you can do what you want, but please keep your car off my balcony.


Unknown said...

The thing about your blog is that I'm never sure where the nonsense ends and the real-life begins. Glad that your surrealism bleeds into the blog as well. I miss some of the really surreal comics you put out in the 90's. Social commentary is great and all, but everyone's caught onto that trick. Very few people can succeed at being entirely strange while also being funny (witness the decline and fall of tom green).

Contents of post: 1 standard online opinion of someone entirely uneducated on the subject, but who feels strongly about it nonetheless.

Anonymous said...

Well, hopefully iPhone will introduce an app that types up the txt as he speaks. Might be much safer, Mr. Piraro. Maybe they already have.

dunno. It scares me, though, when people do stuff like that when driving. I'm a major 'Pedestrian' sort who likes to cross roads.

ur Fan,
Dee Sh

Jeremy said...


iPhone is a device, not a company or person.

The iPhone OS 3.0 software is said to have voice dialing, but who knows, voice recognition could be next.

Dean said...

Personally, I refuese to be part of the problem with texting ore even talking while driving. Working for several years at a tow and service station helped me decide this. I have picked up too many vehicles that were wrecked because the person was on the phone. Some of the funerals had to be closed casket.

Jezzka said...

yeah...i am a culprit of dangerous driving habits, i use to film and drive. other drivers would see me and immediately change lanes, hehe. free lanes!!

sometimes at stop lights i use to put my arms into the steering wheel holes and threatened my passengers that i would now begin driving only using the insides of my arms. watch while i make this left turn with my elbows! hehe..

good times. but, i am not as daring these days...

which reminds me, once when i was young, a bee had gotten into the car, i remember screaming, there is a bee in the car!! and my mother driving at the time tried to calm me down while trying to swipe the bee from my legs. luckily, the bee got sucked out of the window.

i just thought to share that since it gives me a chuckle to visualize a bee in a car. hehe. imagine a whole wasps nest in a car and little bees flying out the window as the driver is swerving at high speeds on the freeway. hehehe. i dunno what is wrong with me today, i have the case of the giggles, must be the crack in my coffee.

Tom Holloway said...

Enjoy your panels. If you get the chance I would appreciate your checking out my blog and giving me your opinion of my strip, "The Grand Life" and my single panel cartoon "Outside the Box".

Tom Holloway


Jodie said...

Yes its funny because it make an Apple joke. There are too many iPhone fanatics now. But seriously how can anyone believe that they can TEXT and DRIVE. I find it hard to eat french fries and drive. I can now take light rail to my job and don't have to drive on the hwys with idiots like that.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Dan, come to LA! Here you can see people texting while they drive along with their dogs in their laps (they tried to outlaw that, but the governor vetoed the legislation; what's going on with him and his dog, huh?). Or talking on the phone while they put on makeup and eat a burger and, incidentally, steer a couple tons of metal roaring along at 70mph. The use of turn signals is evidently a forgotten art, all but replaced by the universal signal of the middle finger. Apparently the right to be a purely awful driver is now constitutionally protected.

doug nicodemus said...

i have only texted once and it was unsatisfactory..won't try again

Anonymous said...

You Crazy mofo!


Anonymous said...

And youre just mad cause I had an iphone and you didn't at the time! ha ha I don't text while driving..it's against the law in California! There! _monkeyboy

Piet said...

Rear-ended on my motorcycle last month by a car that just kept coming. Probably texting. I'm OK, but my armored suit is toast.

LaLaOrange said...

Thanks Dan for sticking up for us pedestrians (I'm sure everyone benefits from safer driveing, but pedestrians most of all).

Kyle said...

Argh! I've been Squatch-rolled.