Saturday, February 7, 2009

Boats, Bottles, and Taters

Bizarro is brought to you today by LowRider Boats.

When I was a kid, I was fascinated by ships in a bottle. When I finally found out how this is achieved, I was even more fascinated. I know the "canoe in a bottle" is a dry joke, to say the least, but it's the sort of thing I'd actually like to have in my home. I wouldn't have an actual ship in a bottle, but a canoe in a bottle would be just about right.

Someone once gave me a bottle of pear brandy with a full-size pear in the bottle. The way they create them is simple, but I still find it a strange idea. I'd love to see one of the trees they come from. Who first thought of this? Someone should do this with a watermelon, allowing the melon to fill the bottle entirely, then add vodka to preserve it. I would laugh at that.

As an added bonus today, here is the header panel for a Sunday Bizarro that will run in late March. I just created it yesterday, it will go with a Mr. Potato Head joke. The kid in the photo is me at about age 2.


isee3dtoo said...
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isee3dtoo said...

Things is bottles reminds of the internet hoax of Bonsai Kittens or Kitten in a Bottle . The outrage of that event still cracks me up in that so many people believed it. The net needs a "stupid" filter but when that happens it will no longer be fun.

Anonymous said...

I like you. You are very silly.

FIDO said...
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isee3dtoo said...
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isee3dtoo said...
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isee3dtoo said...
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agony said...

The car in the first picture is the same as the one I grew up with. My dad drove it until 1982 - you can imagine the looks it was getting by then.

Anonymous said...

Mr Potato Head needs a soul patch.

Rob & Bri said...

In Japan you can get square watermelons. They grow them in a mold and break it when it is ready. They are easier to package for the stores to display and sell (stackable and don't roll in the fridge either). Also some find them easier to cut.

Unknown said...

Hah, I thought you were joking about the trees, until I clicked the image, and googled it myself. That's really neat. Though apparently some people cheat and use a bottle which is glued together these days.
Ditto on the japanese watermelons, though the way I heard it explained was that they were 'designed' to be shorter to fit into a typical refrigerator.

derekamalo said...
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JohnM said...

I don't know who has the time or the energy to try to figure out who says what and who is who or to get upset about it.

Maybe we should all meet in person sometime. In a central location. Like Dan's kitchen. Or the Woodstock Animal Farm. With some ground rules. In order to insult anybody you'd have to donate a few bucks. Swear words could cost extra. Use whatever fake name you want. Fido, be sure to bring your pepere. Or just bring any old guy. Who'd know the difference? Just make sure he's not damaged goods.

Piraro said...

I decided to delete the playground fight in this comments section. I get complaints from readers from time to time who don't visit the blog anymore because the comments section is too vitriolic. I know, to each his own, but it is a little tiresome.

I agree with isee3dtoo – very 4th grade. But I also think you may have the author wrong.

I also agree with John about a face-to-face cage match with donations to WFAS. Insults are hurled at $10 each, $20 if they include profanity. First one to cry, loses.

derekamalo said...

Once again sorry ..back to business

Anonymous said...

Armageddon Thru To You

If you've been wondering why it seems like the world around us is unraveling, it's because the last days as foretold in the bible are now upon us. Just as it was 2000 years ago, many were unable to discern the signs of Jesus Christ's first coming (Mat 16:3), as will many concerning his second coming, which will occur very soon. Yes many have proclaimed a similar sentiment many times in the past, but their errors have no bearing on today other than to lull you into spiritual apathy, and that too was prophesied to occur in the last days.

If you're not a believer in Jesus Christ because you're an atheist, consider that the underlying impetus for your disbelief is most likely borne of pride and here's why:

When we die, if you as an atheist were right, then there is no upside or downside for anyone regarding the afterlife. We will all simply cease to exist

However if we Christians were right about our belief in the afterlife, then we will be given eternal life and you as an atheist will receive eternal damnation

Given the choices, the position held by an atheist is a fools bet any way you look at it because the atheist has everything to lose and nothing to gain. It is tantamount to accepting a “heads I win, tails you lose” coin toss proposition from someone. And that someone by the way is Satan (see Ephesians 6:12).

The only way to explain the attitude held by an atheist is pride, pure and simple. The intellectually dishonest and/or tortured reasoning used by atheists to try and disprove the existence of God is nothing more than attempts to posture themselves as superior (a symptom of pride). And as anyone who has read their bible knows, this is precisely the character flaw that befell Lucifer, God's formerly most high angel. (Isaiah 14:12-15). Is it any wonder then why the bible is so replete with references to pride as the cause of mankind's downfall?

Pride permeates our lives and burdens us in ways that most of us seldom recognize. Ironically, pride is the one thing that can blind someone to things even the unsighted can see. And sadly pride will blind many with an otherwise good heart, to accepting the offer of eternal salvation that Christ bought and paid for with his life.

In any event, if you're an atheist, I wish you only the best for every day of the rest of your life because for you, this life is as close to heaven as you'll ever get, but for believers in Christ, this life is as close to hell as we'll ever get.

If you're not a believer and follower of Jesus Christ because you are of another faith, please take the time to very carefully compare your faith to Christianity and ask yourself, why is the bible the only religious book with both hundreds of proven prophecies already fulfilled as well as those being fulfilled today? No other religion can claim anything remotely close to this fact. Many Christians who are serious students of bible prophecy are already aware of the role and significance of bible prophecy in foretelling end time events. God gave us prophecy as evidence of his divine holiness to know the begining from the end (Isa 46:10). God also believed prophecy to be so important that to those willing to read the most prophetic book in the bible, the Book of Revelation, he promised a special blessing (see Rev 1:3), and this is the only book in the bible that God gives its reader a special blessing for reading. Something to think about.

Don't risk losing Christ's offer of eternal life by not accepting him as your savior and by thinking that the bible is nothing more than a compilation of unrelated and scattered stories about people who lived 2,000 plus years ago. If you take the time to study (not just read) the bible, you will literally be shocked to learn things you would have never imagined would be revealed in it. Did you know that like parables, God also uses particular months and days in the Jewish calendar, Jewish Feasts and customs, solar and lunar phases, celestial alignments, gematria (Hebrew numerology) early bible events and more as patterns and models to foretell future events?

Consider the following interesting facts about the bible that testify to its God-inspired authorship:

Did you know that in Gen 12:2, God said he would bless Israel?. How else can you explain the grossly disproportionate level of success achieved by Jewish people as a tiny minority in the world, especially after all they have gone through? And how can you explain the success achieved by the tiny nation of Israel, surrounded by enemies outnumbering them 100 to 1 and yet still they remain victorious in all their wars?

Did you know that as evidence to indicate that Israel is the epicenter of the world from God's point of view is the fact that languages to the west of Israel are written and read from left to right as if pointing to Israel, and languages from countries to the east of Israel are written and read from right to left, again as though pointing to Israel. Just a coincidence, you say? I think not.

Did you know that the six days of creation and seventh day of rest in Genesis is a model for the six thousand years of this age (ending very soon), that is to be followed by a 1,000 year millennial reign by Christ (see 2 Peter 3:8)? Adam was born sometime prior to 4000 B.C., therefore our 6000 years are almost up.

Did you kow that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is hidden in the meaning of the Hebrew names listed in the genealogy of the book of Genesis (Research it online)? To deny this was God-inspired, one has to instead believe that a group of Jewish rabbis conspired to hide the Christian Gospel right inside a genealogy of their venerated Torah, which is not a very plausible explanation.

Did you know that solar eclipses, which the bible describes as the sun being black as sackcloth, and lunar eclipses, which the bible refers to as blood red moons, have prophetic meaning? Research it online. God showed Adam (and us) his plan for man's redemption through the use of celestial alignments. (research Mazzaroth online)

Did you know that much of the symbolism in the book of revelation refers to planetary alignments that will occur when certain events occur as prophesied? These planetary alignments also explained the birth of Christ, just search out The Bethlehem Star movie on the Internet.

Did you know that the references in Eze 39:4-17 and Rev 19:17-21 in the battle of Gog/Magog and Armageddon respectively, in which birds of prey will eat the flesh of the dead in battle from two enormous wars is based on fact? The largest bird migration in the world consisting of bilions of birds (34 species of raptors and various carrion birds) from several continents converge and fly over Israel every spring and fall. Coincidence? I think not.

Did you know that Hebrew numerology, also known as Gematria, and the numbers with biblical and prophetic significance are hidden in the Star of David? Google the video called "Seal of Jesus Christ"

Did you know that the seven Churches mentioned at the beginning of the Book of Revelation describe the seven stages the Church will go through?

There are literally hundreds of hidden messages in the bible like these that testify to the fact that the bible was God inspired, and statistically speaking, are all exponentially beyond the likelihood of any coincidence. You can find them yourselves if you only take the time to look into it. Remember Proverbs 25:2 "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings".

And finally, if you are Catholic, or one who subscribes to the emergent Church or seeker-friendly Church movement, please compare the doctrine taught, advocated or accepted by your Church, with the actual bible, notwithstanding some new-age version of the bible. And remember that although the bible is often referred to as the living bible, the word "living" was never intended to imply in any way that the bible "evolves" over time to meet, or be consistent with, the standards of man. It's just the opposite.

Well, am I getting through to you? If not, the answer might be explained in the response given by Jesus Christ in his Olivet discourse when he was asked by his disciples why he spoke the way he did (in parables, etc.) in the book of Matthew 13:10-16. What Jesus said could have easily been paraphrased more clearly as "so that the damned won't get it". Why did Christ respond the way he did when asked why he spoke this way? Is there something about pride (the bible says there is) that closes one's heart to seeing or hearing the messages supernaturally hidden in bible parables, models, typologies, and similes, etc.? That should give you something to think about, but don't take too long. Time is now very short.

If it sometimes seems like there are powers at work behind the powers we know, remember what it says in Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." If you study the bible, it will become clearer.

And by the way, if you are a scoffer, this too was prophesied to occur in the last days. See 2 Peter 3:3.

Thank you and God Bless you! (at)

isee3dtoo said...
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isee3dtoo said...

Things calm down and then we get the armageddon post, oh great.

Release the hounds!

doug nicodemus said...

my that's oh my god no no no that's oh my mr. potato head ...he is more powerful and cuter too.

Anonymous said...

It is fantastic to hear you agree with isee3dtoo on his "fourth grade" comment, however no one here knows what the hell you are talking about because you deleted that comment. Cheers.

Anonymous said...

How many emails did Penny and Shortcake send you, Dan?

Karl said...

I was just thinking about the first guy ever to come up with the idea to put a miniature boat inside an empty bottle. I have a hunch he was aboard a ship riding on some rough waves while finishing off a full bottle of rum.