Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Hard Day's Work

Bizarro is brought to you today by Bubblegum Deer.

Flew home from Caliphornia last night and am thrilled to be back at Bizarro International Headquarters. Even though being back means dealing with hundreds of emails, stacks of envelopes, a mountain of voice mails and a mob of lazy employees who haven't done a thing since I left last week.

Few people realize it, but it takes over 600 people to get each Bizarro cartoon from the planning stages to your daily paper. The think tank in my Conception and Development Department alone has 126 employees. From there, the ideas go to the marketing committee that tests them on various groups of consumers, then compiles a list of the ones that scored most favorably and sends them on to my personal assistant. She then reviews them to make sure none contain images or ideas that I might find unpleasant, and puts them on my desk.

After I've seen the finalists, I choose the ones I want to see finished and send them on to the sketching and inking department. Each cartoon is drawn by 13 different artists, then I choose the one that I feel looks the most as if I had drawn it myself. If none represent the true essence of Piraro, I send it back to be done again.

Once finished and accepted, I add my inimitable signature and send the image on to the coloring department. Each cartoon is colored by 8 different artists, then those images are sent back to the marketing department for consumer testing once again. The one that scores the highest is sent to King Features, ready for publication.

By the time a Bizarro cartoon reaches the discerning eyes of you, my precious readers, over 800 people have seen and judged it, and around 375 artisans have poured the entirety of their considerable talent into making it an authentic Dan Piraro Original. It's a long, hard day of bone-grinding drudgery for each of these tireless workers, but knowing that they've made countless inhabitants of planet earth laugh is a reward that money can't buy.

No syndicated cartoon feature works harder to bring you the level of authentic artistic integrity that you've come to expect from Bizarro.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

(snore) I know, I know. Because they are "prisoners." (snore)

SAYOTTE316 said...

126 of them writing?

I thought there were just two kiss ass derek and i stole these from new yorker and the post victor

Jeremy said...

Wow, the process sounds grueling. Do you anticipate and cutbacks due to the failing economy?

thedanmancan said...

this wouldn't be another subtle jab at Garfield, would it Dan?

SAYOTTE316 said...

rumor has it fracesco donates 1/2 of his salary to woodstock sanction for Dan to talk him up .

i dont see it ..everyone in the world thinks sally forth blows except dan

Fran said...

The 126 probably includes all the various struggling artists that send their comics to Dan for feedback, only to have their artwork turned into a Bizarro.

Hmmmm... said...

Is Dan angling for a bailout?

doug nicodemus said...

that is pretty funny HAHAHA

oh saw your global warming cartoon in the chronicle...can i use it?

Rebecca C. Brown said...

"Essence of Piraro" sounds like a fragrance from Calvin Klein that I will receive as a complimentary gift for my purchase of $100 or more at Macy's.

Anonymous said...

No worries, Dan. We don't expect artistic integrity from Bizarro.

WA (Whiners Anonymous) said...

Anonymous, would you like some cheese with your whine?

Play a different tune, its like Groundhog Day reading your posts. Same whine, different day, but you won't actually DO anything about your issue with Bizarro or Dan.

Take out an Ad, start your own blog, make your own comic, write an essay or talk to your therapist, you obviously have some jealousy issues that need resolution.

munchy365 said...

It seems to me that Bizarro National Headquarters changes location every post.

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Anonymous said...

Good ideas WA! You are truly a visionary.

Anonymous said...

Isn't "Josh"/"Sharon" spam?