Sunday, November 16, 2008

Rhyming Toast

Bizarro is brought to you today by Greeting Card Hell.

Many years ago, I gave up obligatory holidays and their mandatory cards and gift giving. I haven't given a Xmas or birthday gift nor sent a greeting card since the early 90s sometime. I still occasionally give people gifts or cards when I feel like it, I'm not a cold-hearted bastard, I just resented the social pressure to conform to a scheme designed by department stores and card companies and opted out.

It was fairly simple, really: I told my friends and family that I would no longer be giving gifts or cards for any advertised occasion and that I didn't expect to receive gifts or cards, either. If they still wanted to give me something, I would accept it and be appreciative, of course. I wasn't trying to be mean or stubborn, I just didn't want to play along with Macy's and Hallmark anymore. Many understood, some thought I was being a creep, some probably pretended to understand and called me a creep behind my back.

But the subsequent freedom has been wonderful and I have never regretted the decision. I no longer have to worry what to get people, rush around town looking for something I'm not sure they'll like anyway, pretend to be excited about a gift that I do not wish to own, or end up with a yard sale's worth of gewgaws to dispose of every spring. I'm sure the gifts I was giving others were just as likely to find their way to the sidewalk, so I've saved many other folks the same pointless worry and expense.

My mother-in-law is the only person who still gives me gifts regularly. Happily, she has terrific taste and gives me cool and unusual things that I really like. My wife didn't become the unusual person she is entirely by accident, of course.

18 comments:

Rebecca C. Brown said...

I'm not opposed to the commercialization of Christmas; in fact, I actually appreciate the secularization of the holiday. It's pretty tiresome getting junk you don't want or need from various grandparents each year, though. Honestly, people, I don't need any more scented candles or novelty soaps!

My husband and I have done a no-gift Christmas the last two years as yet another way to save moolah and, you know, not contribute to more carbon in the ol' atmosphere.

ldisme said...

luvz that the dying man has a sense of humour

Penny said...

Last Christmas my three year old nephew had so many hundreds (literally) of presents to open even HE lost interest. He was bawling by the end of it...he didn't want to sit there and keep opening stuff. He wanted to play with the stuff he had already opened.

Celebrate the birth of the Savior with the Christmas Bataan Death March. Ho Ho Ho.

Leigh said...

Thankfully I've just never worried about the gift thing. I grew up very poor so Christmas was always very personal. I have kept it that way.

I have a mailing list that I send snail mail to randomly through out the year. I'll send post cards sometimes (weird ones) or if I'm traveling I'll print up photos I've taken and send those out. It makes people happy. Sometimes I send stuff around xmas time, sometimes not but if I do, I always send something I made.

SAYOTTE316 said...

You make 400k a month and can't even buy the nieces a Monopoly or Sorry board game?

isee3dtoo said...

You called CHNW, "My wife".

Things are a-changing.

Jym said...

http://www.xmasresistance.org/

thedanmancan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nashe^ said...

I'm completely depressed that the Bizarro comic strip doesn't appear in my local paper anymore.

Bella said...

It's all meant to be in THE SPIRIT of the season, Dan! You know...Xmas comes but once a year and all that malarkey.

zdub said...

The biggest scam is paying $4 for a piece of cardboard & an envelope.

Hermite said...

I, too, gave that up a couple of years ago. But I REALLY want one of those bunny slippers!

James A Woods said...

My wife and I celebrate very few holidays. We live a Bible-based lifestyle, and things like Easter and Christmas - while embraced by the religious world - just don't fit. We're refered to as 'creeps' on a regular basis.

Anonymous said...

your family must think you are a delight.

doug nicodemus said...

funny funny HAHAHAHA

Anonymous said...

Wow! I missed the point of that comic entirely! A friend of mine showed me a copy of it and both of us racked our brains trying to figure out what the guy was saying. The copy we got didn't have the caption that said he was a failed greeting card writer, so we figure he was some guy who had watched the Zig & Zag video too many times.
Signed, Friend of a Fan

Friend of a Fan said...

That wasn't me. That was a troll.

Anonymous said...

If you really want to do something different start making your own cards. That you don't surprises me. You are a great artist and you have a profound sense of humor. Why not send out a private joke once a year, a top notch card for your folks and family. Send it on January 9th also known as Play God day. or September 29 Confucius day.