Saturday, November 29, 2008

Out of Many, One

Bizarro is brought to you today by Disappointing Dreams.

As a child, I was convinced of this sort of cliche image of the gates of Heaven, where your entire body is admitted to the Big Party or sent to eternal torture based on your status on an ambiguous list somewhere. The overall principle was that my passage beyond the ultimate velvet rope had nothing to do with how bad or good I was, as long as I believed in Jesus and asked forgiveness before I died. But when they weren't promoting that simple formula, which was most of the time, they were convincing me of how important it was to be good everyday or I wouldn't get into Heaven. It was confusing, but then all effective systems of mind control have an element of confusion involved, so the subject never knows exactly where they stand and never feels completely comfortable.

So if you believe in this kind of Heaven and manage to pass the ambiguous criteria, you may well run into a person missing a major organ, having received a transplant from an unbeliever.

Before the theologians among you start bombarding me with doctrine, I'm kidding. I know the basic tenets of most of the major religions and none of them include provisions for organ donor recipients or creatures pieced together from various dead bodies by mad scientists. I'm sure whoever you are and whatever you believe, it will all turn out just as you suppose once you're dead.

11 comments:

Paul Stokell said...

On that note, read about Abby and Britty Hensel and get back to us.

That's one to keep ya thinking.

Anonymous said...
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isee3dtoo said...
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isee3dtoo said...

Well the cool thing is you don't take your smelly body to heaven. All these dead and decaying bodies would be gross.

... as one person said before Lazarus was raised from the dead in King James english, "surely he stinketh"...

That is great line to know when you go to a Christian Jr. High School. The typical response to that was "Quit calling me Shirley".

Jeremy said...

Its funny too that this whole situation is made up. The Bible paints a clear picture of what happens to you when you die. You don't whisk straight up to heaven but instead stay asleep in your grave. The Hebrew word sheol simply means to sleep, Jesus even said that about Lazarus.

The judgment doesn't happen until the Last Day when Jesus comes back. This too is portrayed in the story about Lazarus.

I guess I am labeled as a theologian by you now, Dan? I'm just trying to keep the story straight. I don't mean to offend anyone.

PIRARO said...

None taken, Jeremy. I appreciate your readership, I only put the disclaimers to let readers know that I know the pop-culture cliches I post about religion are not what knowledgeable people believe. :)

Nikki L. said...

As someone who has spent years trying to repair the damages my religious upbringing inflicted, I found this hilarious!

I'd classify myself as a recovering Christian, which is a lot like being a recovering alcoholic but with way fewer funny stories. But being able to laugh at little things like this makes the recovery process worth it.

Thank you for a much needed Sunday laugh, I do appreciate it!

Anonymous said...

I'm an organ donor, and I told my husband (not entirely unseriously) that if I meet an untimely death, he should do whatever he can to be sure my organs go to a vegan. Or someone who agrees to be vegan from then on. It's not about "saving 7 lives", it's about saving 7 million! :-)

Stevie G.B. said...

I always wanted to put on my license: "organ donor - penis, first 9 inches only" - just to see the look on the face of the DMV lady.

Fran said...

That's some great stuff, Stevie.

Kevin said...

Dan,

Great blog! Bookmarked. I grew up in the pentecostal church where everything was extremely confusing. This comic reminds me of a funny thought I had the other day.. At what point did god endow our primate ancestors with souls? If there is a direct moment, the generation previous to the lucky winners would've been swearing up a storm.

I like comics like this. Obviously it's not a serious conundrum for Christians to ponder, but it does make the bigger religious picture look a little silly :)

And Nikki, I'm right there with you! Feels like a 12,000-step program some days, doesn't it?