Friday, June 6, 2008


Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Necessary Evils Shower Gel.

Long ago I had to bail a guy I was sort of related to out of jail. From start to finish, the process made me want to take a shower. The phone call from Lockup at 3am made it difficult to get back to sleep. The trip the next morning to a bail bondsman in a nearby Texas town was "skeevy," to say the least. Standing in line at the city jail to get to the bulletproof window to talk to the rude, unhelpful woman to start the bail process was almost life-threatening in and of itself. If I hadn't had plenty of cigarettes to trade to the other folks in line for their protection, I might be typing this now with mangled fingers.

It was an educational experience, to be sure. I learned that day that as far as the people behind the counters and windows in this process are concerned, there is no difference between the folks being bailed and those doing the bailing. I learned that the city jail does not waste money on decor, furniture, or competent cleaning services. I learned that bail bondsmen and jail personnel have no sense of humor when it comes to jokes about their hygiene.

Most importantly, I learned that some relatives cannot be trusted to pay you back when you bail them out and hire them a lawyer. Sometimes they just disappear, never to be heard of again.

Which is payment enough, really.


Jeremy said...

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Dan. I helped out a neighbour once in getting him out of jail. I didn't pay any bail or anything but they made me wait over an hour because it was dinner time. It was weird because he had threatened his wife while she was calling 911 in a domestic dispute. They had me sign something guaranteeing that I wouldn't let him see his wife until the court date a month or so in the future. They were expecting me to harbour this guy I had only known for a few months and keep him from his own home. I told him never to ask me to do anything like that again. I threw caution to the wind and set him loose.

A few months later I got a call from him asking me to pick him up at a church because his wife had left him there after a fight. I reiterated my previous request not to make me do that again. I told him I had just gotten off work and was eating dinner and I would do no such thing. Then we got a call from his wife rebuking us for not picking him up. Expectedly, that was our last encounter with that dysfunctional bunch. Thank G-d!

"3 Thighs" Piraro said...

Weird and scary story. Thanks for sharing, glad it turned out all right. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished. :)

julie said...

If you haven't been through the process, usually they let the arrested person out a few days later anyway. For most basic offenses, you're usually better off letting them sit in the clink for a few days... You don't waste money on bail bonds, and the jailed person gets the message that when they screw up, someone else isn't going to rush and fix everything for them. I have a dear friend who had a substance abuse problem, and she's alive today because of some tough choices we made which were really messy and heart-wrenching at the time. Six years have passed, and we're closer friends than ever. I'm so thankful to have her back.

Thebest323 said...

im sorry you had to go through that.
but at least you know you did something good for someone and itll come back to you.

Put yourself in his shoes, maybe he had to dissapear? i bailed my own brother out and he dissapeared people have their reasons

Hope everything goes great,
G-d bless your heart,

-Bail y

anaheim bail bonds

California bail bonds said...

This sounds a lot like TW from Los Angeles account of what happened to him:
It's hard to know who to trust when you have someone in jail. There are so many bail bond companies to choose from. Many treat you like the criminal when you call for help. The agent that assisted me at Penny Bail Bonds was not only professional, but also courteous. I felt like they cared about my situation and were working for me. Explaining in detail every question I had. I hope to never need their services again, but if I do I will not hesitate to call Penny Bail Bonds."