Monday, November 30, 2009

Choose Your Weapon

Bizarro is brought to you today by Kitchen Accessories.

I think knives are scary looking. Every time I pick up a giant kitchen knife, I shudder a bit at the thought of it cutting me or what it could potentially do to someone. If I had to defend myself against an intruder, I'd much rather use a gun than have to use a knife. Even if I was under attack and afraid for my life, I think it would disgust me to have to stab my assailant. Yuck.

A gun is so much cleaner, in the sense that you only have to point it and twitch one finger. Clearly, the cleanup afterward is not much different, but the act itself is less disgusting. Of course, having to kill anyone for any reason would be psychologically difficult and disgusting in its own way, but if you're fighting for your life, whatyagonnado?

Here's hoping that neither I, nor any of you readers ever have to defend ourselves against an attacker of any kind, and if we do, we are armed with a Taser so we can just point, click, and call the police.


ebilucy said...

Sadly, your (hopefully) tongue-in-cheek reasons are the same ones that get a lot of people killed in this country. Because despite their being legal, and despite peoples' buying and carrying guns for defensive purposes, it's just, plain easier to kill with a gun than it is with a knife, or a club, or a sharp stick, or your hands.

Whether deliberately or impulsively, just point and twitch: so easy!

Robin Cain said...

I know what you mean. There was a time when I was deathly afraid of knives and other sharp objects, so much so I had to hide all of the knives in my house. I was afraid I might do something horrible with them... I later discovered this is a form of OCD and hallelujah, medicine (and therapy) saved me! But no doubt there's something pretty terrifying about a butcher knife.

Anonymous said...

I find knives to be beautiful. I like to collect them (budget permitting). I find great comfort in thinking that if anyone attacks me in my home, I have a weapon in nearly every room which I may use to protect myself, which I will do without hesitation. I'm the kind of psycho who loves the look and smell of blood. The kind who laughs when movies are realistic about gore, enjoying every moment.

I tend to scare even my friends when they realize I'm serious. I don't pity the crook who tries to take advantage of us.

That said, guns DO disgust me. It's impersonal. You can kill someone with a gun without thinking much about what you're doing, only to deal with the thoughts later as you watch the body bleeding on your carpet. If you are going to kill, I think you ought to have to feel it and know it the whole way through; there should be plenty of time to realize "my god, I'm ending someone here."

I'd hate a tazer most. I don't want to know that the person attacking me will be able to get up again soon enough. Maybe I'd like the option better if I had some rope and knot-tying skills to be certain I'd won, or maybe real handcuffs. Whatever would keep them from trying again before the cops arrive.

Anonymous said...

If you *were* caught in a knife-wielding situation (knock on wood), stabbing is the last thing you want to do -- you lose control of the knife. I swear there are a dozen movies where the bad guy gets stabbed, only to stand back up, pull the knife out, and re-menace the protagonist.

Instead, hold it upside-down, so that the blade lies along your forearm. It's more useful defensively that way, too.

David said...

That cartoon reminds me of the OJ trial.

slaveofplastic said...

"A gun is so much cleaner, in the sense that you only have to point it and twitch one finger."

That's how I feel about digital cameras vs. those hefty 35mms that you have to really fondle, fix, focus and develop.