Saturday, June 20, 2009

Pursuit of Paradise

Bizarro is brought to you today by Parenting Made Simple.

Yes, it is a political cartoon I have posted here.
No, I do not feel like getting all political today.

Instead, let's talk about the weather. Here at Bizarro International Headquarters in New York City, it has been raining most of the time for weeks. The entire month of June was shot to hell by rain and colder-than-average temperatures. I feel like I'm trapped in Garcia Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude. I really must move to the tropics somewhere. Problem is, they don't have a New York City anywhere down there.

I have tried wishing that the Dutch had built NYC somewhere in the Caribbean, but it doesn't change history and I'm still stuck in colder climes. In the end, it comes down to my deciding what is more important to me: culture or climate?

I lived and traveled in the south for several decades before I moved to NYC, so I have plenty of experience from which to make my decision. Even with the hot, sunny weather I crave, the general cultural and political attitudes of the southern U.S. do not suit me. In fact, at times they depress me as much as the weather in NY, especially now that I have known what it is like to live here, in a liberal, creative, open-minded, international community. And though I adore more exotic places like Central America and the Caribbean, they are too small and rural to quench my desire for the big city.

This makes it an easy decision. Culture is more important than weather, the way personality is more important than looks when choosing a spouse. Though both must be in the right ballpark, a great personality and average looks go much further in a relationship than a beautiful exterior wrapped around a sock puppet. If you can find both, as I have in CHNW, you are doubly blessed. (Just checking to see if she is reading my blogs. I'll let you know in a few days.)

There are two answers to my pathetic, meaningless, spoiled white-collar dilemma: become wealthy enough to have another home in a warmer place where I can spend the winters, find a way to embrace the weather in NYC and stop being a whiny brat.

I think we all know which of those choices is available to me.

FURTHER: I left the West Coast out of this mix because although I like San Francisco as much as NYC, it tends not to be any hotter or sunnier in most ways. I love the weather in L.A., but not the city. San Diego is too conservative, and that's pretty much all the big cities to choose from. Seattle and Vancouver seem cool, but the same weather problems. Such a whiner.


Anonymous said...

Hmph, having experienced some of what passes for summer in New York City, I should think you'd welcome the cool weather. You know what happens when the heat and humidity finally do arrive. (Disclaimer: I live in LA and it's getting too hot for me. The instant I can retire, I'm outta here.)

Lockwood said...

You should check out Portland. Unlike Seattle, Vancouver, and SF, it's far enough inland that the marine effect is not as strong. Our summers are just gorgeous after they get started- which is, admittedly, an unpredictable point. July, August, most of September, and much of October are just delicious. On the other hand, the months of gloom, while very mild by eastern standards, are probably not something you'd tolerate very well. Likewise, Portland may be just too small for a wild and crazy cosmopolitan such as yourself.

Penny Mitchell said...

I laughed myself stupid over the "Parenting Made Simple" link. I would have consistently picked the wrong option, therefore it was very wise of me to not procreate. I AM a genius.

Unknown said...

I wish you wouldn't be so quick to pass judgment on the entire South. Even with the way you phrased it, the image links provided make it come off as arrogant and condescending. No offense.

Waldo said...

Once you leave the immediate Seattle/Bellevue area... it is hicksville. For Example: There is a Civil War Reenactment this weekend near Seattle (

PS: Spoiler alert - the South lost.

We use to live in SF (along with several large and small US, European, and Asian cities) and I have always said: SF is the best small town that I have ever lived in. We had first name relationships with all the local shops, restaurants, and even had a small grocer who use to bill us monthly for our purchases. Once the kids begin to suck us dry with collage tuition, we will move back.

Unknown said...

Since you can do a lot of your work online. ( admittedly the stand-up should be done in person) Have you considered Europe? Much more liberal, and the added bonus of hundreds more years culture to wander through. I have heard that Paris has fairly mild winters and the warm weather comes early in the spring and stays late in the fall. Monaco would be another nice choices, or perhaps Madrid. Apparently Rome is out for you. If I had resources to make the transition I would choose Odessa, Ukraine. For me it has the mix of history, cool people, and mild weather. Just enough cold to make Christmas "Christmasy" and long, hot summer with a beach-front that was once the pride of the Soviet Union.

doug nicodemus said...

that is real funny maybe


i missed it in the paper's was hysterical

Buck Thrust said...

tucson is quite liberal for arizona i think

Janta said...

Funny, if I click on the " liberal, creative, open-minded, international community" link using Firefox instead of Internet Explorer, all I get is a "Forbidden" message, yet the URL promises a "gay-angel-on-roller-skates.jpg".

Not THAT open-minded, huh? :)

As for the "Parenting Made Simple" link, I'm still laughing! Just when you think it can't get any worse, it gets worse.

Nowax said...

Hey, I just noticed that Pinocchio looks like Rob Blagojevich? Coincidence? Funny!

Mike said...

Come down to Miami! We only have 1 season here: hot. And our coldest days are in the high 50s, which kills us, but I heard is comfort temperature for you guys. And the people here are so diverse sexually, culturally, and ethnically, it's no wonder our state finally gave a democratic presidential candidate the push for the win (BTW, redemption for Gore v Bush?).

Plus, tons of artists flock here, and most major music is produced in Miami.