Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Shouting Pick Up

Bizarro is brought to you today by Acme Hazardous Materials Storage Company.

This cartoon is a direct product of my venomous hatred of loud bars. Before you write me off as a person who is too old to appreciate loud music (602 months old next week), I felt just as strongly about this when I was 21 as I do now.

I can only think of two reasons for going to a bar: to meet friends and enjoy their company, or because you are out of booze at home, liquor stores are closed, and you need a drink so badly that you don't mind paying 300% of its retail value.

In the second case, it doesn't matter how loud the music is, the hooch is your main concern and you'll likely put up with anything to get it, even absurd prices and dangerous decibels. But if you're wanting to get together with friends, how does high-volume music help? If you're there primarily to dance, that's perfectly reasonable, but I've seen very little dancing in the bars I've visited. Most bars are places where people are jammed together screaming at each other, attempting conversation. This is difficult enough with someone you know, but meeting and getting to know a new person at the top of your lungs is comically difficult. Yet millions of people all across the world do this every weekend.

On the other hand, a quiet bar with reasonable prices is a rare and wonderful thing. Whether I'm playing pool or darts or just sitting at a table with friends, I almost always have a good time. On the other hand, I can count the number of times I've had a good time screaming over music at my friends on no hands. Give me a quiet, neighborhood pub any time.

Of course, my favorite place to drink is at home, alone in the dark, weeping in private.


Rant93 said...

There's a simple, sad, Darwinian reason for the loud music:


Erik Marcus said...

While I agree with all your sentiments concerning bars, I must say the one you've depicted at least appears to serve delicious pie.

ldisme said...

hey, i've gone to a bar to hear bands and of course i nursed my brews, and i would so dance with that ballerina guy

isee3dtoo said...

Totally agree with this blog. I loved it in California when they outlawed smoking so at least I could go to a bar and not stink but then the loud volume kicks in and you can't talk anyway. So it becomes what's the use, I can more cheaply at home.

Anonymous said...

I play in a band, and the only time I like loud music in a bar is when I'm playing, and it makes me money. What I find interesting is that my band played at an AA convention last year, and we were asked to play quieter. Are these not the same people who frequented the bars with loud music?

SAYOTTE316 said...

oh my god anonymous its true

your jordan from new kids on the block

Boom said...

For once, I agree with you completely. I am 20 and felt as strongly about this at 16, and will feel as strongly at 26.

Unknown said...

Live music in a bar (when it's a group you like): awesome.
Happens: %5 of the time.

Loud band in a bar (when you don't know who they are): annoying.
Happens: %15 of the time.

Loud music, not live: really annoying. Drink to dull the pain until you can leave.
Happens: %30 of the time.

Happens: %50 of the time, but feels like more.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more with this post! I also just happen to highly value my hearing, and as someone not much younger than you Dan, my discrimination has become noticeably diminished with age. Meaning, if there's other noise to contend with, I practically have to read lips to understand people in a loud bar.

-RB from BA/OK

Jeremy said...

I don't drink but I went to a club once to dance and the music was so loud it actually caused a small cavity of mine to become infected because the vibrations broke open the tooth.

I also considered hitting on a few chicks but we couldn't hear each other so what was the point.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree. and while we're on the subject, i hate it when my husband turns the music up to "11" when we're having a small gathering at home! And concerts - i'm sorry but live sound engineers need to acquire some subtlety in their work!


Anonymous said...

Is this humor or just an observation? Let's stick with the humor, Danny.

Jeremy said...

Observational humour is the backbone of the comedy industry, Anonymous.

Jezzka said...

i've been recently going to the brandy library, you might love the place, but the only thing is they serve animal products on their food menu, which might displease you and the missus greatly. i have yet to partake in any of their food items, but i go to relax and secretly admire their glowing walls of liquor, the ambient lighting makes me feel like i am in a womb of the finest and warmest brandy.

a few months ago, i had a tasting flight of single malt scotches, and was hooked. it was such an intense yet soothingly enjoyable experience, i can only go there for all my sultry dark rum needs. they make this cocktail call the dark and stormy and it's got dark rum mixed with their house made ginger beer. it's my favorite.

it's a beautiful cozy tucked away place, those are always my favorite places in this city. no more noisy bars for me.

their liquor collection is quite extensive, and everything about them keeps the masses away, but if you're like me and could care less about walking into a place like that wearing chucks then you're all set.

Anonymous said...

Jeremy - as the fountain of comedy knowledge you have demonstrated yourself to be, you'll know that the observation must at least have a dusting of humor for it to qualify as observational comedy.

BTW, pick up that "Empty Nest" season 4 DVD yet?