Saturday, May 17, 2008

Name Your Poison

Today's Bizarro cartoon comes to you courtesy of The Internets.

I have two daughters, but if I'd had a son, I desperately wanted to name him "Popeye." What boy wouldn't want to be named Popeye? I'd have loved it. But, alas, their mother was a ball-buster and I gave in to her naming choices: Krelspeth and Krapuzar. Hence the "K2" in many of my cartoons. (in this one, on the water pitcher)

I'm friends with a breeding couple – her last name is Lortz, his last name is Lutz (no kidding) – and they had a baby boy. I pleaded with them to name him Lars Lortz-Lutz, but they resisted.

I'm against human reproduction of any kind, because the last thing this planet needs is more arrogant consumers and the misery and pollution that we cause. But if you insist on producing crotch fruit, please consider giving it a humorous name. It is character-building for the child and makes the world a funnier place.


Penny Mitchell said...

I'm 47 years old and a full believer that the "biological clock" is a load of crap. Hubby and I are childfree and could not be more delighted. I think if EVERYONE put as much thought into having kids as most childfree people to, the majority of us would be delightfully sans children. The majority of the people I know had kids "because it's just something you do". Morons. I need more coffee.

Piraro said...

I agree, Penny. I adore my daughters and am close with them, but if I'd known then (when I was 22) what I know now, I wouldn't have had kids. Not wishing them away, of course, just feeling very differently about the world now.

King Pappy said...

I don't want to leave more children thanks to me. I never did really.
You bad ol' puddy tat.

beforewisdom said...

My elementry school teachers were ex-hippies who taught us about the coming overpopulation problem. As a child I saw the movie "Soylent Green" which showed what that overpopulated world might look like. You can watch it for free here:

I have carried those facts and images with me my entire life. They haunt me.

Telling people to adopt is not an answer. Aside from taking years worth of paperwork it also demands amounts of cash like $60,000 up front.

The most important thing about any issue is getting people to listen to you. People will not listen to you if they feel they are being disrespected ( aka "breeder" )

Humor is an excellent bridge builder and you have a degree in engineering.

The world replacement fertility rate for the world is 2.33 children per couple:

That means if people just had 2 kids the population would stabilize and slowly go down.

I have found that by telling people that they can still have kids and still do something for the overpopulation problem that they listen to me. More importantly they stay interested in the issue.

That is what it is all about. Getting people concerned and getting them to take action.

Craig Zablo said...

I am glad when people who don't want children don't have them.

As to names: I've known Rosey Butts, Lovely Butts and Iphelia Butts... but never met their cousin Harry.

marine_explorer said...

I'm glad to hear you have two daughters to share your sense of humor! The sad truth is there are plenty of parents out there who never should have kids, and childless others who have a lot to offer.

Many people my age have little inclination towards raising children, which is due either to mounting economic pressures, or the realization that our society simply consumes too much--why add to the problem? Some might call that selfish, but I find there's simply too much economic baggage with America's concept of the family--I found your "Tunnel of Love" panel to the point.

Once again, it's to your credit that you get people discussing bigger issues--while being funny.

Unknown said...

"Crotch fruit" - HAR HAR!

Mel2 said...

I'm new to the blog and am having the best time ever just clicking the hyperlinks. I'm going to get fired over this, I can sense it.

And for the record: Zero wailing, maniacal resource-consumers have ever been (and will ever be) produced by this particular set of fallopian tubes.

Anonymous said...

My environmental science teacher (a non-breeder) made an interesting point in class one night: he said that environmentalists might an endangered species because we are the ones doing the right thing and not having kids...most of the people having lots of kids are not going to teach them to be good stewards of the earth. We who care about the earth perhaps have an obligation to produce at least one future environmentalist...interesting thought, but I'm too old now to do anything about it. Oh, I love your cartoons and your blog and your point of view!

Allie said...

I work for a company where we see many unusual names (& children's names) from our customers.
A few of my favs have been:

Baby Girl ( original)
I'munique ( least the name is)
Lemonjello (pronounced Lemangeloh)
Precious (children should not have dog names)
Luscious (it's like setting your kid up to be a stripper!)
Chlamydia (really!! They pronounced it: Claw-men-dia... um, ok)
Candida (so sad)

Other fav. names I've come across:
some friends in high school, brothers & a sister, last name Dover...first names: Ben, Stan & Ilene

gotta love those parents!