Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Prophetic Comedy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Xmas Celebrity Sightings.

Since we humans are so prone to superstition and mysticism, I could easily attribute the harrowing accident involving my wife and a taxi cab on December 10th to my cartoon that ran in newspapers on December 7th. It was undoubtedly an unwitting premonition, perhaps even a prophecy. I'll think twice before I use terms like "prescription for disaster" in Bizarro again. Whew!

Or, I could use the other 99.99999% of my brain and admit that not all coincidences have spiritual meaning. In fact, there's pretty much no evidence whatsoever that any of them do. Unless you choose to apply one, which I recommend you do at your own risk. History teaches us that superstition can lead to some pretty idiotic life choices. Like war.

T Rex has no superstitions, he just needs help in his cafe because he is short-handed. Get it? Short handed? What kind of damn fool dinosaur starts a cafe if he cannot even carry a tray without dropping it? And what does he do with the tables of patrons he knocks over with is mighty tail? Perhaps he just eats them. T Rexs can be like that.

My fanny pack riff got a few emails from readers with a better knowledge of anatomy than mine who informed me that the "liver pack" is on the wrong side of the man's body. What we actually have here is a "spleen pack." My bad, as surgeons up on malpractice charges frequently say.

Of course, if you want to get really picky, the "belly pack" is actually an "intestine pack." The stomach is much higher. Unless you want to be extremely liberal in your interpretation of "belly," but don't even get me started on that kind of irresponsible artistic license. Cartoons should be as factual as possible. If you can't trust the information in a cartoon, what can you trust?, I always say.

Don't forget all the life-changing Bizarro products that can be found somewhere around here. Perfect for holiday gift-giving!



Neil J Murphy said...

As long as you're dealing with semantics in this post, regarding today's (12/15) cartoon, you do know that cardigan sweaters have buttons, right?

Jimbojones said...

Lol good stuff i hope the new year makes me laugh another 365 times

Steve Williams said...

The fanny pack comic was flipped in the newspaper. That put the liver pack in the right place =) So many of your comics are flipped around. Why do they do that?

ojeano said...

O Dan Piraro and your CHNW! I stay away from the blog a while and all hell breaks loose. Add that to your list of superstitions! I'm so glad she's on the mend. Since we can't see inside her head, we have to err on the side of caution: get all the scans you can.

Now that I'm finished giving advice, I'll say the cartoon with the prescription is sure spot on! You always are. Heal up fast, both of you. Scary!

patrick said...

That T-Rex comic was pretty funny. Have you ever asked a British person about their "fanny pack"? You might be surprised by their response.