Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Catasrophe Update

For those of you who have not read the account of my beloved wife, CHNW, getting hit by an anonymous Taxi last Friday night in NYC, click here to catch up on the story.

Now that you're caught up, I just wanted to say thanks to all the quadrillions of you who have left nice comments, sent Facebook messages or emails, or used the pathetically old-fashioned telephone system to wish her well. She appreciates it and is doing great.

Here now are a few pics of the healing process. Photo number one is of us in the hospital. CHNW loves to take pictures of herself looking at all ridiculous, be it from bad hair, a funny wig or hat, silly sunglasses, or after she has bounced her head off the street. So this first picture is taken by her camera and her own hands, at the height of the festival of medical bills. I popped into the pic with my extra-big-deluxe-executive lip, which I pull out of storage any time there is a worthy "poor baby" situation, for which this certainly qualified.

Picture two was taken at home the following day as she lay in her luxurious four-poster bed, ringing a tiny bell every few minutes to summon me to help her because she was "dizzy" or "weak." What a big baby. Sometimes I had to get her a glass of water, sometimes a cup of soup, which entailed my peeling the paper lid off of a cardboard container and pouring hot water into it. You can't believe how hard it is to walk into the next room with one of those things without spilling it. Meanwhile, I had to make my own breakfast, lunch and dinner for two solid days! Now I know how Civil War nurses must have felt. No thank you, Clara Barton!*

She took this picture partly because she thought that the purple of the "boxer's eye" really set off the blue of the unmolested one. I couldn't agree more, that one side of her face has never looked lovlier.

Finally, here she is as she looks today, up and around and getting her own damn soup. It's great to have her back. The cool thing about CHNW's bruising is that because she has a mechanical heart valve (from a past medical problem, not the cab), she takes a blood thinner every day. This does weird things to her bruises and the resulting kaleidoscope of colors and shapes is breathtaking. It will change many times over the next few weeks, like an over-decorated house in the suburbs of Wichita, perfect for the holiday season.

What you may not be able to fully appreciate from this picture, though, is that her eye has a distinct oval of black and purple around it, the sort you might expect a first-year movie makeup student to do on their first attempt. If I were the instructor, I'd recommend a little less makeup and a little more blending. But what's really horrific is that just today she is beginning to develop a large circle of chartreuse around it, reaching all the way down to her jaw line. In the coming days it will get even more pronounced and promises to be positively Halloweeny. I'll keep you updated.

For those of you who have recommended litigation, rest assured that we have a close friend who is a very successful personal injury lawyer and he will be leading the charge against the ironically named, TLC. (Taxi and Limousine Commission) We don't want to retire to South America, just get the med bills paid and around $80,000 for my own pain and suffering while having to play nursemaid.

*Note to those of you who do not know me personally: I'm not as big a jackass as I portray myself here. I've been taking good care of her and have not said a peep about being put out. I'm sure being a Civil War nurse was more difficult than what I've been dealing with. The amputations without anesthesia alone were probably a major buzzkill.



Dorothy said...

There's a hell of alot of love between you two and it almost compares to her shiner.I still can't believe your damn luck in her injuries,I'm still shaking my head.. You're just like my husband who complained about his "delegated" jobs when I was out of commission. But everytime I woke up he was there watching me. You guys like to play around with us but we know how much you love and need us..;)

Roshni Devi said...

Hey, she finally did get to wash the blood off her hair!

Janta said...

Arnica cream is brilliant for bruises, including multi-coloured ones. All the best!

Jan Dreier said...

Well, if people can't see through the snark and clearly see how concerned you are about your wife, how do they understand your humor at all?
Hope she gets well soon!

Kalli said...

I hope you appreciate the lengths your lovely wife went to, so you could have a colourful holiday! Best wishes for a speedy recovery, though!

Shaun said...

Its good to hear that things are going well. Thank you for the war story, once my wife reads it I'm sure it'll take her back to when I was hit in the head.
Did you ever have a moment to ask her what she dreamed about while she was knocked out? When I was hit I had a nice little dream about how I'd liked things to have happen that involved less breaking of my skull. As I understand this seems to be a common event when people black out from hits to the head.

dan said...

Get well soon. :)

By the way "Catastrophe..."

Just kidding! Just kidding!

Anonymous said...

Wow! Hope Ash is feeling better.
Love George in Sarasota

Mary Helen said...

Poor Ashley! I am so glad she is on the road to recovery -- health-wise and, it is to be hoped, expense-wise. Love the blog, and you two are a great couple. Thank you for the update.

Jeremy Russell said...

What a couple of Troopers you both are. CHNW for healing and you for gathering up your shattered self from the floor. You should do a photo a day and put them all toghether at the end for a still frame healing progression video.

However, the whole devil-may-care look on CHNW add's to her "Absolute FOX" appeal and you Dan, you had me at "For those..."

Plan 9 Studios said...

I hate the fact you had to point out at the end that you were just joking. :( Is this what we've become? That we can't even notice characterized sarcasm? Sad really.

Oh and I hope she's feeling better. She looks as happy and as nice as ever, not holding a grudge. Also sad.

Claudiviris said...

I'm coming back home from a sad trip and I see you too have been facing bad times. I don't always leave comments on your blog, so I don't think you remember me, but I always read your posts. I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry you both had to go through that. It must have been a terrible shock. Best wishes,

monsterzero said...

daniel… ya know, if this had only happened a few days earlier, i'm sure you would have been picked as time magazine's "man of the year" for your amazing sacrifice and compassion during this trying time! oh well… maybe next year.

amateur idler said...

What a champ she is. And what a moron of a cab driver. He really must be very frightened of manhattan.
It is sad about the jerk disclaimer at the end. I thought it was a funny, brave way to go about an update.
Best wishes.

Jesse "Gigman" Alex said...

Im sorry bout what Ashley had to go thru.. but I'm guessing, having you, a really funny and caring husband has helped her cope up with it faster.. :)

P.S. I just love ur blog... :)
I read ur columns everyday on our newspaper in Mumbai, India (Mumbai Mirror)