Friday, December 17, 2010

Huge Duct

Bizarro is brought to you today by Duct Tape.

I'll be honest with, I'm really fond of "Duct Tap Night." Not as an institution, but as a cartoon. I'm not fond of bars in general, the liquor is far more expensive than what I have at home, the music is typically too loud to have a conversation, and I'm not looking for a new sexual experience. It would be fun to meet a friend in a bar and catch up, but quiet bars are increasingly difficult to find and I have no desire to scream at my friends. So I tend to stay home where the drinks are cheap, the music and volume is of my own choosing, and the hot women (wife) will actually go to bed with me.

Although the idea of this comic is funny to me –– women enjoying a bar where the men can't hit on them –– it has been my experience that women usually don't go to bars except to look for mating possibilities, so the whole concept is probably erroneous. Note that I said "usually." As I typed that sentence, I had a premonition of torrents of comments from angry women saying they like to meet their girlfriends in bars and have no thoughts toward being "picked up." Okay, fine, my bad. If that's you, you'll love Duct Tape Night.

This next cartoon was drawn from personal experience. I am inordinately tall – 7' 5" – and have always had a terrible time finding clothes that fit in those Big and Tall men's shops. It could be that even at that height I am still too far out of the norm to be catered to by mass production. Or, it could be that I still have a touch of dyslexia from time to time, I am actually 5' 7", and I have no business in a Big and Tall shop in the first place. That would explain why the clothes in those shops are so baggy, come to think of it.

I'll be posting again tomorrow, but I want to be sure to remind you to check in next week when I'll be posting my holiday family newsletter; a complete rundown of all the precious and adorable moments of my family for the past 12 months. I don't send out cards or letters of any kind this time of year, so this is the only place to get it.

3 comments:

Neil J Murphy said...

I was going to ask "But how do they drink?", until I noticed all the men's glasses were full.

Susan said...

Great cartoon - but if you're huge isn't the entire American apparel industry on your side? This week I just launched a small men's apparel company focused on taking the big out of big-and-tall. Just because your tall doesn't mean your big right? Anyway check it out www.longshotapparel.com.

Rarian Rakista said...

I've seen you live and when I read the 7'5" bit I thought your veganism had finally paid off, you were now embiggening yourself like some sort of feedlot cow and soon we would all have selflessly 'donated' Piraro steaks in our grocery stores.

"The meat tastes of brown rice, vegetables, beans and I can't place it but it might be cigar smoke." - food critic person