Thursday, November 26, 2009

Holiday Travel Tips

Bizarro is brought to you today by Holiday Travel.

I stopped traveling during the holidays many years ago and it has improved my life immensely. If you're driving and you don't have far to go, you may have a little traffic to contend with and that's not such a big deal. But if you've got to fly, you may as well be playing Russian roulette.

Any time a person flies these days, they're taking a big risk of being annoyed to death, but statistics show that during the three main U.S. holidays – Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the Festival of Saint Pancreas – the risk increases 287%.

Last year alone, 23,507 passengers were annoyed to death in the United States during the holidays, compared with 18,761 in the previous year. This year, only one day into the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, officials report that over 2900 fatalities by annoyance have already occurred. With weather delays common this time of year and Sarah Palin's face in regular rotation on news channels typically shown in airports, thousands more are expected.

Mental health officials are recommending this year that if you don't have to travel for the holidays (i.e. sick relatives, on the lam, being written out of a substantial will) stay home and celebrate with local friends. And if you must travel by air, stay inebriated.

7 comments:

Jodie said...

Happy Holidays! I traveled as far as Kroger to pickup the pre-cooked feast. Now I get to watch I Love Lucy reruns while the hubby watches football (Lions - he's from Detroit). It's nice and temperate here in Dallas TX. Happy Thanksgiving!

Pagani said...

Yes well consuming pounds of turkey and/or ham also has a lot to do with that increasing death rate during the holidays.

Anonymous said...

I'm very sad to see that the Festival of the Steel Phallus did not make the top three list for holidays, even if it's not technically a U.S. holiday. I think it's a celebration we could all get behind.

Hermite said...

Inebriated is the ONLY way I'd travel by air.

doug nicodemus said...

annoyed to death...that is pretty funny

Anonymous said...

So I've got this indelible picture in the back of my head, featuring a phony military brute with a shoulder mounted bazooka, firing wads of sparkling plaster into the eyes of Lady GaGa. Turn out that he's the "Makeup Artist."

Burnt Reynolds

dining room table said...

I think every one should read this post. Especially those people who travel regularly. It is a big help and they can use those tips any where they go.