Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Talk to the Tongue

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Highland Park Cloning Institute.

After yesterday's contentious religious post, this seems a good mindless followup cartoon. This could have been funnier if it had been in reference to the porn industry, but newspapers don't allow that sort of topic on the funny pages, so here we are. I still like the gag, though.

I was once hired to do some art for a California winery and part of that gig was hanging out for a weekend in Napa with serious wine fans (I feel like there's a name for them other than "gourmet"–"wino" doesn't seem quite right, "wine nerd" is too derrogatory), vintners, tasters, those sorts. I wasn't that into wine at the time, so it was an alternately interesting and boring weekend, but there were moments when I was tempted to burst out laughing inappropriately like a kid in church.

My fondest memory is of a large, stately room fashioned after a European castle, with a huge, carved oak table in the middle of the room, an enormous ornate mirror, big Renaissance-style paintings, probably a suit of armor. Our group of about 20 were seated around the table and given various glasses of wine to taste. Since it was midday and we weren't supposed to get drunk, we were also given spit glasses. As the tasting began, the room fell silent and all one could hear for the next 20 minutes was the sound of spitting. As I looked around the room and saw well-dressed white folks in such a pompous setting swishing and splurching, staying focused was challenging.

I wish I'd thought to bring a colossal prosthetic tongue with me. Might have lightened up the occasion, albeit in a Homer Simpson sort of way.

20 comments:

Alice (as in Wonderland) said...

Odd. I work for a Govt agency and they censor the Internet. No gaming sites (not even racetracks), no porn sites, etc.

The link for the "serious wine fans" was blocked as a "forbidden" site -- I'll have to check that when I get home. However, the link for the "porn industry" picture was perfectly okay. Go figure.

tl said...

Is the fellow on the far left meant to resemble Ted Allen? If so, it really looks like him. If not, wow, that's freaky.

Cooperphile said...

Vinophile?

Anonymous said...

Oenophile is probably the word you were looking for?

Robert Finis said...

Gene Simmons does wine.

Karl said...

Competitive wine tasting, interesting; is there even such a sport? If so, then the long tongued dude could lick every competitor.

Jeremy said...

I am surprised the lady next to him has a disgusted look, I would think she would be slightly excited. Maybe meet him in a more intimate setting.

Perhaps she should watch Deadpan, Inc's Avian Genital Tongues skit.

shipping troll said...

Another good word choice that has that pompous ring to it would be a, "wine aficionado".

Derek says said...
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doug nicodemus said...

ewwww sometimes you gross me out..

Karl said...

lol

Deisy said...

Thanks for this post Dan, I'm sending it to my AP English teacher now, who is a SERIOUS wine 'nerd'.. lol...

about to be censored said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nowax said...

I am absolutely amazed that you had so many religiously themed responses to your last blog entry.

Why is it that so-called Christians feel that it is their duty to enlighten non-Christians? (They should really be called "Paulians", because it was Paul that came up with the idea of going out an converting the heathens, not Jesus. I think Jesus embraced everyone and wasn't about converting people. Although, who knows what Jesus was really like? The bible is hardly a "1st person" source.) The one characteristic that seems to be common among today's Christians (because Christians of yore didn't seem to have this problem) is their utter lack of imagination. They cannot imagine a life where there is no God. They cannot imagine a world that isn't dictated to them by some book. They cannot fathom thinking for themselves. They all seem to have this need to give up absolute power and responsibility for their own thoughts or actions to someone else. (And doesn't that seem to get them into MORE trouble?)

Give me a world where I can be responsible to to Truth and my fellow living humans and not to something I have no proof exists.

Karl said...

Nowax,

All very good points, but why couldn't you post this response on yesterday's blog rather than trying to fuel the flames again here?

This was a nice day (having a break) from the religious wars, and enjoying some silly humour.

Sorry for the tongue lashing.

Nowax said...

Sorry -- you're right. I should have done that. Won't do that again.

Karl said...

No need to apologize. It's just that there are some folks (I won't mention any names, for fear of persecution) who get really agitated over this subject.

Have you ever tried drinking wine(or any beverage)like in Dan's cartoon? I have, because I wanted to see how cats and dogs drink, but it was a total failure.

Maybe you'd call it being tongue challenged.

Dave Stratton said...

Where would one find a colossal prosthetic tongue? I guess you have some stores in Brooklyn we don't have out in Chicagoland.

Yet Another Steve said...

Ooh, tongue lashing.

Fran said...

Hitting the tired cliches in mid-stride these days, Dan. Way to save yourself for the stretch run.