Saturday, March 21, 2009

Non-Gay Rainbow Rankings

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hideous Monsters.

The most funnest part of this comic was the drawing. Even though drawings like this are tedious and time consuming, both to research and to draw, I always really enjoy the final product. (For you technique buffs, I should mention that the entire drawing is done with a small brush, even the lettering, and I use no straightedge of any kind.)

I like this gag and its soft parody of the stupendously transparent propaganda tool of the Bushies. As any scientist will tell you, a human's ability to reason is seriously compromised by fear. Ergo, if you keep the people frightened, it takes them longer to figure out you're screwing them. It's an age-old political trick but still works like a charm. Most recently, it worked on Americans for 8 years. Some are still trying it.

I've included the strip version of this one, too, since it required a lot of extra art and fenagling. My favorite part of the strip version is the anatomical heart on the sign in the back. What is that company selling? I have no idea what the Japanese type on all these signs says, I just borrowed stuff from signs I found on the Internets. For all I know, they could say (insert your own joke here.)
(As always, click the image to colossalize it.)

Finally, I got this email from a reader:

How dare you !?!?!

Rodan is easily a higher priority than Mothra. He's older ( released after Godzilla and before Mothra to terrorize us in our movie theaters ), leatherier and gnarleyier.

My sincere apologies to this or any other reader who was offended by my rankings. I was rating them by how often I'd heard their name. I hope that I have not offended Rodan or his followers.

DISCLAIMER: The writer of the above email was not serious, he was actually taking a self-deprecating jab at his own obsession with Japanese movie monsters. Taken out of context, though, it's much funnier. Saying the Security Alert System is a tool of propaganda does not mean I don't there is any danger of another terrorist attack, it is only to say that there isn't anything the average person or society can gain from this rainbow bogeyman thermometer. My apology to followers of Rodan was tongue-in-cheek, if you really were offended by this you need professional help, possibly medication, definitely a girlfriend.


Martin said...

"My favorite part of the strip version is the anatomical heart on the sign in the back. What is that company selling? I have no idea what the Japanese type on all these signs says"

It looks like "torisora-san", which I'd translate to "Mr bird sky". I hope that cleared things up.

Anna Banana said...

I hope your disclaimers and apologies are fun for you. Not sure what the downside is of letting a reader's comment or your drawings/words speak for themselves without disclaimers/apologies. But if you're having fun, that's great.

derekamalo said...

hahahahaa when i first saw this i wanted to comment on a few things of course you actually mentioned them in your own right

when i first saw the comic one thing for sure its not up to your usual drawing standards...

however the fact that you had to do research to get the punchline is where plenty of work came in and is what makes it funny meaning you had to see from old japanese films who kicked whos ass and who would defeat who
a lot of work was put into this especially if you are not a huge huge fan of the show

therefor stopping readers from saying dan you put rodan on the top and godzilla kicked his ass

i want to comment on something on your blog from about ten days or two weeks back

you were talking about cartoonists who draw a picture first and then add the punch lines and captions in

this is actually true for guys like robert crumb...his drawings are mmint but his gags and lines are weak

i mean really is doing your mom really funny?.

julianmaestas said...

i really like the widescreen version of this cartoon, and the guy with the martini and the dog in the window.

doug nicodemus said...

when i saw that one i knew it was a 5 hahahahaha
the bigger version is so cool.

Anonymous said...

Talking about the pro-fear team... the thing that I find the most hilarious are the radio shock jocks and bumper stickers that state that Obama is going to make us a commie nation. First of all, it should be Socialist not Communist (dur) but I will let that pass. The fact that Cheney/Bush instituted a policy of no free speech, secret police, holding without charges, no representation, and secret prisons is MORE like a communist society. Chairman Mao would be soooo proud. Thus, Bush takes away the American rights that our sons and daughters fought and died for but Obama will make us red????

In my own opinion...

Waldo said...

Where would Raymond Burr be on the list???

Japanese villager No 1 - "Holy crap the American is here..."

Japanese villager No 2 - "Every time he is here Godzilla destroys the village..."

Villagers (in unison) - "RUN!!!!!"

Josh said...

Dan, quick question: Will you be willing to criticize Obama if he goes the same route as Bush did?

Waldo said...

Josh... If Obama matches Bush action for action then... Hell yes!!!!

Josh said...

Waldo: Well, given how Obama is pushing a bloated federal spending plan and increasing the power and reach of the federal government, I'd say he's moving towards the same path as his predecessor.

... But that's just my opinion.

Pagani said...

One straight edge... WTF?!? Okay, you're just jerking my chain, right? ...Or maybe you want me to kill myself. I can't figure out which.

Meanwhile... According to Lewis Black, there should be just three levels of terror threat: "Jesus Christ, God Damn It, and Fuck Me!"

GREAT job, btw. No where did I put that razor blade....

bbonds44 said...

LOL...liked it

Penny said...

I can't speak for Dan, but if Obama makes up intelligence, attacks a sovereign nation that posed us no harm, allows the person who really did attack us to go free, permits no-bid contracts that line the pockets of his buddies with billions upon billions of our tax dollars, costs the lives of over 5,300 of our finest citizens (not to mention estimated hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens), eats birthday cake with John McCain while one of our major cities is wiped off the map, makes the rest of the planet hate us with the fire of a thousand burning suns, completely shits all over the Constitution and does his best to permanently destroy it, all while barely stringing together sentences in English, I will be the first to criticize him for going the same route as Bush.

Just for the record.

Karl said...

Ah so,

cartoon, very fun of read, enjoy to ancestors, much laughter to face.

damara gato, Mr Roboto

Luis said...

"Saraku-Ya" is clearly based upon the "Sakura-Ya" watch & electronics shop, with the "ra" and "ku" transposed. The typeface is similar too.

Hard to see if the sign on the left of the portrait panel is supposed to read "Nan Desu ka?" ("What is it?") in heavily stylized English (Romaji) lettering; was that the intent?

Josh said...

Penny: Barack Obama voted to continue U.S. military actions in Iraq, voted to uphold the Patriot Act, supports the implimentation of a National I.D. card, and is continuing Bush's failed spending plans.

As Pete Townsend said, "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss."

Karl said...

We’ll be fighting in the streets With our children at our feet

Prospero said...

Personally, I'd rank "Contaminated Sushi" higher than "Gamera." Gamera is "a friend to all children," according to the movie.

P.S. - I love how your commentary ignited a political debate. What a bunch of morons. As my friend Stephen Rader is so fond of quoting, "Lighten up, Francis!"

Penny said...


Iraq: All combat troops will be out of Iraq in the next 18 months. Yes, some troops will be left behind. No, I'm not crazy about that. However, active combat troops will be out.

Patriot Act: They haven't completely ditched it, but neither have they upheld it as Bush had it passed.

Again, not what I would have picked, but better than we had.

Real I.D.: He appointed Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security. She is against Real I.D. I pray for change there.

Spending: We're screwed. I can't begin to imagine what needs to be done to rectify the situation we're in. All I do know is that more of the same bullshit, "Let's give all the breaks to the ultra-wealthy," has got to end, and I see signs of that happening.

It's not the same old boss. It's not perfect, but it's not an extension of Bush, which is what McCain would have been.

Are you actively working to right some of the wrongs you perceive around you, or are you just spouting off in cyberspace about it? I'm just curious.

Jezzka said...

little yellow amiga here, i am highly offended, deadly blowfish was not up there, but i guess that would fall under contaminated sushi...

i will have to find something else to be offended about...otherwise how else will i know i am an american.

btw, i really liked the stretched out bunny, trés cute!

Anonymous said...

Pagani - do you consider yourself an artist?