Friday, March 20, 2009

Fighting For Fun

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by A Useless Degree in Marketing.

I am a fan of air hockey, regular hockey, and fighting, so this cartoon appeals to me in many ways. I like the general concept that since hockey leads to fights, if you're playing air hockey your fight would logically consist of trying to blow each other down. (The last word in that sentence is the most important.)

People who are not fans of hockey often question why there is so much fighting. It is not gratuitous, as is often surmised, it actually serves an important purpose. A good friend of mine some years ago came up with a theory about this that I've adhered to ever since: Hockey is arguably the most difficult sport in the world to play as it requires very high levels of disparate skills.

1. You must change direction quickly and constantly while standing on ice
2. You have knife blades strapped to your shoes
3. You must control a rock-hard disk moving at lightening speed on a slippery surface with a bent stick
4. You are being pushed and slammed into by other knife-shoe-wearers covered in armor traveling at very high speeds

It's sort of like combining surgery with dodge 'em cars. Just when you're about to suture that aorta closed, somebody slams into you from behind and ruins the whole thing. Again.

Doing all of this at once is very difficult and, by definition, very frustrating. Every now and then you have to blow off some steam. So the refs let the surgeons swing away at each other for a few seconds before they break them up. Then they send them each to a little room (penalty box) to think about what they've done or take a short nap.

Leaving the topic of hockey fights behind, I just noticed a grievous error in the art of this cartoon. The perspective on the hockey table is way off. The brown outside border of the table is more or less in line with itself, but the three black lines in the middle of the table are hideously askew. That's very unlike me to not notice and fix such a visual faux pas, but perhaps I was in a hurry or drunk. Or maybe one of my hockey pals was slamming me against the boards while I tried to work. Anything is possible at Bizarro International Headquarters.

16 comments:

derekamalo said...

THIS COMIC WAS FUNNY, i announced it when i first saw it , good stuff

derekamalo said...

hey dan before i forget ...cool for being the least confrontational man on the planet ..

i was told once i could talk my way into a job and out of one in the same sentence...

alan parsons project rules!!

isohedral said...

I believe George Carlin had the definitive take on the heterogeneous nature of hockey. I quote: "Hockey is three activities going on at the same time: ice skating, playing with a puck, and beating the sh*t out of somebody. Now if these guys were intelligent at all, they would do these things one at a time. First you go ice skating, then you play with a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the sh*t out of somebody."

derekamalo said...

for the record george carlin was as funny as robin williams....and robin williams was not funny

PIRARO said...

If you like semantics, and I do, Carlin is the king. A genius.

Karl said...

Why is it that referees don't get into a fight once in awhile? They can't agree on every call. I don't advocate fighting but it would be worth the price of admission just to watch two ref's throwing hay makers at each other.

It would be just as entertaining to watch the players egging them on.

Karl said...

PS; Congrats on getting a bid on the charity lunch.

shipping troll said...

Carlin Is the God King of Comedy in America. Robin Williams is may not be Carlin, but he is Funny as all Hell in his different way.

I also enjoy "Sally Forth" , "Mythtickle", "Frazz" and "Working Daze".

Funny is as much a perception as color or "music".

Lori said...

Karl- that would be beyond awesome. i would buy season tickets to hockey if they allowed that.

derekamalo said...

dan you use to many big words...it gets depressing

AgainstWords said...

Brilliant comic, Dan. I don't laugh out loud at many comics, but I did this one.

tskoge said...

Holy cow! Two guys blowing each other. In a nationally syndicated comic. They seem to behaving such a gay time. How many newspapers refused to run this one?

doug nicodemus said...

could you call that a blowjob? pretty funny..

Anonymous said...

Well, we knew it was coming and he didn't let us down. The "most obvious line of the week" award goes to doug.

Karl said...

Anon,

Please tell us what the winner of the "Most obvious line of the week" award receives and who will be giving it to said winner?

Anonymous said...

The winner receives an original "Bizarro" comic presented by the father of obvious jokes, Dan Piraro.