Friday, September 26, 2008

Caveology and Marriage

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by fire. "It's all about proximity."

I was taught as a child that bragging was unacceptable ("Look, Mommy, I got an A on my arithmetic!" "Oh, you're Einstein now, are you? Let's see how you do with our tax returns!") so only because you are my closest friends in the world, will I admit that I am proud of this joke. I love the word play in it, and its surreal time-travel nature. Are they in prehistoric times but she knows what a condo is, or are they living like cave people in the present? I prefer the latter explanation.

My own wife used to date very wealthy men, not because she was after their money but because she happened to meet them in the circles in which she ran. She could have married a millionaire many times, but chose a thousandaire instead. Condoman/Caveman – another autobiographical joke.

And because I'm behind on posts lately, here's another bonus cartoon. I am proud of this one, as well, and it also has a bit of an autobiographical nature to it.

Having been through two marriages, I've come to learn that all relationships have expiration dates. When you first get together, you never know if the expiry date will be six months or sixty years. Just another fact of life at the crossroads of existence and reality. Live, learn, suffer, grow, nap, repeat.

Like many people, as I get older I find it increasingly difficult to take weddings seriously. Mostly, I just go for the free food and booze at the reception.

My advice to youngsters: commitment ceremonies followed by a party beat a legal marriage any day – unless you have financial reasons like taxes, health insurance, or you plan to breed and don't trust your spouse to support them, there is no good reason to get legally married. In general, do all you can to keep lawyers out of your bedroom. You'll be glad you did.

47 comments:

Jeremy said...

I respect your view on marriage. I understand its not for everyone.

I have been married for 7 years now and have 3 offspring. My wife is constantly wanting to throw in the towel but once I point out our financial, biological and physiological interests would be at risk, she realizes how dumb that is. Not that I am an asshole wife-beater. On the contrary really, she is always hitting me.

I honestly don't plan on ever getting divorced. I see my commitment as one I made in front of God and should not be broken, just like Jesus said.

I got a vasectomy like previous mentioned a few years ago. Just yesterday my friend asked what I would do if I ever got divorced and wanted to start a new family. What a disgusting and selfish line of inquiry. I think guys who do that (*cough*JohnMcCain*cough*) are scumbags and it is very selfish. To abandon one family and go start another one just seems so mean.

It really depends on the circumstances, but at 3 kids I have had enough. I have fulfilled my mitzvot to God to be fruitful an multiply.

Anyway, I hope your second time is a charm, Dan. You're a lucky guy.

"Me Love You Long Time" said...

MeLoveYouLongTime

derekamalo said...

hey buddy sounds likeyour depressed..picture this you can figure it out from emails i sent


dad owns amilk business,construction empire worth about 30 mil..they split .and mom gets half lol...and doesnt even bang him last two years of their marriage...


but mom still works a 50 -55 hour week...idont get it either

Mike Duffau said...

having a girlfriend is fine but dont marry the broad!!! theres plenty of salt out there to wake up with the same one every day. when you make alotta bread, theyre gonna get yous one way or the other...make sure you get the dame to sign a prenup and if she doesnt sign, dump her at the next block!

derekamalo said...

if i had two marriages and they both ended id be thinking fidos peperes ass before taking a third vow

derekamalo said...

mike duffau is 100 percent correct

if she dont sign one a prenup that is then what was her initial intention...


i think a male powerballwinner who has any brains at all only promise to his family would be well,,,ill never be married

Penny said...

I've always known my husband married me for my money. He needed $20 really bad.

It'll be 25 years on New Year's Eve!

Jezzka said...

i'm scared to get married based on these blog comments alone. good gravy, what kind of peace of mind is this.

any man who suggests a pre-nup, i would probably laugh in their face, as i am the heiress to the throne of guatelempoor and any man's spare change he has he can keep, i care for none of it. i only require the wealth of his adoration and a his ability to plant smoldering kisses of fire-y passion...uh oops, did i just write that out loud?

derekamalo said...

so ah jezzka would you like to go out tonight ?

Tracy H. said...

"Broad," Mike? Seriously?

Jeremy said...

Mike, if you can get a girl to like you for more than a month, cling to her like grim death. Your outdated jargon and chauvinism is disgusting.

Rebecca C. Brown said...

Yikes! I hope some of this cynicism is tongue-in-cheek. (Having tongues in my cheeks is part of what keeps my marriage fresh.)

The good news is, with people waiting longer to get married (both waiting until they're older and getting married after longer courtships), divorce rates are going down. Methinks also that greater access to sex ed and contraception, which has increased the age at which women have their first child, has improved the success of legal relationships. Repeated studies have also indicated that, among heteros, greater equality between both partners leads to happier, longer marriages. Feminism: Yes, It Helps Men, Too.

The only wealth my husband would get as a result of us not signing a prenup is half of my extensive Lego collection.

Mike Duffau said...

haha!! yous either love me or yous hate me...it's as simple as that. I have an opinion like every body else. don't take it personal.

"Me Love You Long Time" said...

MeLoveYouLongTime

roger999 said...

mike, the 1920's called. they want their terminology back.

Mike Duffau said...

i wish i could go back to that time, champ!

fran said...

Instead of CAVEman you made it CONDOman. Oh, will the hilarity ever start?

penny said...

Mike, do you refer to African Americans with the "n word" as well?

Mike Duffau said...

hey penny, youre crossing the line with that remark!

penny said...

funny, most of us thought you did just that with your first post.

Mike Duffau said...

penny,
and like i said earlier...i have an opinion like all of you do. dont take it personal...its all a goof. i dig my neanderthal way of expressing myself...yous either love me/hate me, but im not changing. hope you can understand.

Jeremy said...

Mark me down for hate, Mike.

How many is that now? See a problem? didn't think so.

Steve said...

I first read that as "condom" + "man" instead of "condo" + "man".
I was a tad confused for a bit there...

Mike Duffau said...

jeremy,

man-up and get a sense of humor, will ya!

derekamalo said...

no one starts with duffau comeon jeremy man i thought we were buds i might have to call the cops

derekamalo said...

heres a pun i just thought of when leasrning armstrong was coming back to the ciRcuit

I drew a hooker talking to two bikists she says to them come on boys....you want to tour de francince..lMAO HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Mike Duffau said...

thanks derek, youre a pal champ! glad to know you have a sense of humor. keep punchin'

derekamalo said...

lol i meant tour de francine lol

Leigh said...

I agree with you Dan, about marriage. I got married for financial reasons but even then, we went on vacation and got it done... didn't bother with the big ceremony that could be used as a down payment on a house.

I don't see myself being in a relationship again for a long time but if/when I do, I have no intentions of getting married legally again. I've always procreated so there is no need/benefit to doing so.

SAYOTTE316 said...

A 3 MINUTE RUMBLE CONSISTING OF JEREMY VERSES MIKE

I SAY DUFFAU SCRAPS HIM DOWN 32SECONDS INTO THE ROUND....WHAT DO YOU THINK?

derekamalo said...

i think you should use aspace key...typinglikethis is my gimmick champette

Penny said...

Hey Mike,

The "Penny" who posted the snarky comments wasn't me. I tend to only pick arguments of a political nature, and only with people I strongly suspect are 17 and living in Mom's basement. ;-)

I'm the one who's been married almost 25 years and damn proud of it! :-)

shipping troll said...

Count me too as one who at first glance saw "Condom-Man" Then I looked again and realized what it was actually and then it all made sense in a warped sort of way.

I also have to comment on the mike and jeremy beef, I have a friend who is very happily married ( 3rd time's the charm!) who has referred to women as "broads" for as long as I can remember, he also says a lot of other stuff that sounds disrespectful on the surface, but if you actually know him, you find out that it comes from one of the most giving and generous people you could ever hope to meet. It's just the way his world taught him, but he don't mean nuttin' by it! sticks and stones, Tomato, Tomahto. The only people who can make words hurt are lawyers.

Mike Duffau said...

shipping troll,

bless ya champ! you summed it up perfectly. keep punchin'

SAYOTTE316 said...

mike,

jeremy has just informed me, that he is crazy, has a red belt and benches 450 lbs

Mike Duffau said...

Im shaking.

derekamalo said...

morning guys...just had 5 pop tarts for breakfast and a bottle of sodae....yum 1180 empty calories..


jeremy/duffau

both these guys are interesting bloggers they are consistent and intesresting and both are blogger pals of mine

as far as 450 lb press the rumor over the internet was 365lbs in 3 sets of 8 yikes..

as far as an all out rumble between those two guys ...ill go with duffau he looks like he could have a mean streak from picture and jeremy looks a litlle conservative..plus he has 3 kids and doest want to end up in jail

duffa right now maybe 83%

off the topic

im still wondering what is the most often used word on piraros blog spot is it pun, anus or champ ..

my oh my i dont know exactly what the crazy mind of piraro is thinking as he reads these entries but it occurs to me that including me .....anonymous may very well be the most mature blogger on here ......lmao

p.s.the new 90210 sucks

id like others opinions on rumble and show thank you

bbonds44 said...

I gotta go with Duffau to yeah between 83 and 91% ...kind of the same odds as piraro against Keannes son


Hi guys im courtney and im an alcolholic

Erica Julien said...

Ack...I hope my expiration date for my relationship lines up with my expiration date of life. I love Anthony, even if he drives me crazy. I hope we never drive each other crazy enough to leave.

I grew up in a home where my mom never got married, and had two children from different fathers. I place a lot of value in it because it was something that I never saw. I do want to take is seriously, and never just get married for the sake of getting married.

leigh said...

anyone that writes like he talks has got to be a poser. you all know who i am talking about.

Mike Duffau said...

Leigh,

No poser here, doll!

derekamalo said...

Be careful mike i love you bro,


here's jeremy posting benchpressing on youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlDWdfTAx8o

Shortcake said...

penny-- you crack me up.

rebecca-- you're funny too. and you're right that feminism helps men too, but feminism only exists because of men. if it were not for the "chauvinistic" tendencies of men (more-so back in the day than today, obviously.. though it still exists today in smaller numbers), women would not have had a reason to rise up and fight for equality. if men and women always treated each other equally throughout history (yea, right), there would not be such a thing called "feminism."

steve-- i read "condom" first, too! glad i'm not the only one.

as far as the marriage thing goes, i'm glad there is more of a consensus on waiting these days, and i would definitely attribute that to the high divorce rates. those of us who aren't married saw our parents (or our friends' parents) go through terrible separations and saw how it effected the entire family. my parents met and within six months were engaged. they were married for almost 23 years before they got divorced and raised three awesome kids in the process. i wouldn't trade my life for any other, but i've definitely learned from their situation to WAIT. i see it like this-- if you can remain monogomous, see each other through absolute thick and thin, and STILL remain head-over-heels in love, there really is no reason to marry at all. my boyfriend and i have been together for a little over two years, and we are incredibly happy together. we've lived together for a year and are looking to sign another lease together. i think if you can make mature, rational decisions together WITHOUT legal documentation, there is no problem with remaining "single" in the eyes of the state.

Penny said...

Shortcake: Thanks ;-), and...you mentioned a consensus on waiting to get married. The big rumor on the blogosphere is that Bristol Palin will be getting married right before the November election in order to have a Princess Dianaesque diversion from the issues. One political commentator wrote that Bristol will be 18 soon, and that "18 is a respectable age for a bride."

I'm currently memorizing all the words to "O Canada."

Tracy H. said...

At 18 she can also tell her mom to go to hell.

Penny said...

Well, true! That would be delightful, wouldn't it? ;-)

doug said...

Penny - just discover the ;-)?