Saturday, March 14, 2009

Squirrels of the Caribbean

Bizarro is brought to you today by Foolproof Get Rich Quick Schemes.

We were all raised believing that pirates habitually buried their treasure like it was a trait of their species, beyond their control, something they just did without thinking like the way certain tough guys adjust their scrotum every 45 seconds.

In all likelihood this stereotype comes from a single source, like Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island. But I wonder if it has any historical basis at all. Did any pirate ever bury a treasure and then forget to go back and get it? Did any pirate ever bury a treasure at all? If so, why?

It can't be one of those schemes you see in movies sometimes when a guy steals something, hides it, turns himself in, then spends the money when he gets out of prison. A pirate would know that if he ever got caught, he'd never see the light of day again. Was it to save room on the ship? Were pirate ships typically so crowded with scallywags, wenches and scurvy knaves that they needed the extra two square feet a treasure chest inhabited?

And what's with those useless maps they made? Even a pirate would know that a map that consisted of drawings of trees and dotted lines would not be enough to navigate by. These guys were professional navigators, for Pete's sake. And who is Pete? Why have so many people done things for his sake? Is he at grateful? Does he even know what we've been doing on his behalf?

As a person who has published a book about pirates (okay, a book of pirate cartoons) I know all too well that the mysterious life of the pirate raises far more questions than it answers. Perhaps it is best that we never know the truth and just admire these filthy, ruthless, criminals for the romantic heroes they were.


Anonymous said...

and why is the pie in the pile of dirt? Was it an ancient piece of pie unearthed by the pirates? Or was it simply a leftover from their picnic lunch? Do pirates even eat pie?

Anonymous said...

Comment: this cartoon is hilarious but would have been even better with only the first sentence (me French, sorry for the ackward sentence)
And btw, the Bedrock cartoon of a couple of days ago made me laugh out loud. I even woke my daughter up...

Jezzka said...

why is it that guys adjust themselves every forty five seconds? is it really necessary, it's really an unpleasant thing to notice; not sexy at all.

what about chefs? do they do that too in the kitchen, i don't want scrotum with my pancakes!

yuck, i am never eating out again.

Neil J Murphy said...

Capt. Kidd buried his treasure on Gardiner's Island ( for what it's worth.

Anonymous said...

Without a doubt, bedrock cartoon funniest one this year.

Prospero said...

The Pete in the phrase "For Pete's sake" refers to Saint Peter. And just because it's funny to me, the verification word for this comment post is "pampleg," which makes me think of a pirate with a diaper for a leg.

derekamalo said...


ocean looks great buts its 50 out and windy

i think ts awesome when i see the remarks on the bedrock cartoon

its great being born into the family i have, but lets clarify a few things, i worked many real jobs in my life including one in nursing home for ten years reference to me never having a real job

in the cartoon comic communtiy ..i got paid once in my life just once for my work $25 for 8 jokes...$200 total made in cartoon career , cash wise that is.

i probably spent between 25,000 on one year art school tuition,maybe $3,000 on supplies another $2000 on envelopes and postage to newspapes, syndicates and magazine


.whats that one grocery trip

im 350lbs half grocery trip ..

i think its great to see when someone comments on a w malo joke ..

i have what i call my 6000 jokes to send and then what i call my wall of fame jokes..

its funny cause when i feel my submissions writing is weak...

i take one of these jokes and send it dans way im proud to say ive done this 4 times and all 4 times dan bit ..

from the payback bitch joke to antoher my name wasnt in i was not promoted yet ..:) bedrock to one coming towards end of month youll see what i mean

ill retire before parting with my top 12 or take the jokes to my grave before they are used and not bought

im sorry but as a former bouncer in clubs and a security guard protectng the extreme wealthy i dont fall in the category of the more you do for people the less people think of you ..

if i wasnt getting reactions to and pleasure out of remarks many made to a joke im tied to i wouldnt be doing it

in many aspects i like peoples reaction to my humor ..but in other instances it sickens me to the 6 firgure salarys pieces of shit in the carttoon society make for doing no more than taking up space in the paper give me a bereak and then all go and pat themselves on the back once a year as if they brought laughs and greatness into many most instances you are glass rapware or bottom of bird cage

and i dont want to hear no remarks on how great these people are ..i could give a shit its in the work and manys work blows..

not for nothing dan but if one of your lawyers ever want an original thats do my way can sell it and send me the $350 or better yet $345 less 5 mail fee..

i went through pther blogs and i cannot believe the whining people do and there getting paid for their work its a sin ..

i do remember dan saying he and others are lucky to have the job they do ...i believe talent wins in dans case not luck but all these other jerks making a living and whining ..

its funny i have letters directed towards me telling me to upgrade my me asshole meaning (editors,syndicates,magazines)
and i will come on ..

as of right now its just written jokes and establishing somewhat of the plot..

i actually stopped sending all magazine editors and so forth anything because i dont suck and you have to suck and tired of paying postage ...fudge!

Anonymous said...

This deserves a spelled out, "LAUGH OUT LOUD" DEREK.

Anonymous said...

Holding out on Dan now Derek. Watch out he may fire you and well never ever see anything funny in his strip again.

Unknown said...

I always wondered how the Flintsone car can possibly turn corners. There appears no way to angle that huge front wheel at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure we never see the Flintsone car turn at all - skid maybe, but not turn.

bbonds44 said...

Bedrock taxi ROFLmfao....

Christina Awesome said...

I really like the literal questions you ask here. I've been going through this a lot lately too, because I've been reading early american lit and the first Thanksgiving is based on William Bradford feeding the Indians and then slitting their throats with their own knives. Pretty gruesome, but my head is always thinking literally.

Anonymous said...

Er... let's not steal someone's identity, alright?

Anonymous said...

Derek, you are a hell of a lot funnier than Dan Piraro. If you ever partnered with an artist, I'm sure you could sell a comic.