Thursday, March 19, 2009

Nature's Candy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Fair Warning.

Simply put, some people care about their health, some don't. You can preach till you're blue in the face about health and nutrition to some folks and it just doesn't matter. That's fine, I don't really care if other people are healthy or not. I figure diet is just another type of natural selection.

If you happen to care about your health, however, what you eat is the single most important area of focus. Fill a Lamborghini with high quality fuel and you've got a race car. Fill it with corn syrup, it's up on blocks.

Most people know by now that corn syrup is bad for you. It's not because it's full of cancer-causing chemicals (like grilled chicken) as much as that it is incredibly fattening and it is in virtually all processed foods. Even stuff you might think is good for you.

Other things to eliminate from your diet or eat in moderation: nails, glass, burning coals, explosives, plastics, battery acid, batteries, animal protein, lead, mercury, urine, cyanide, turpentine, anything Rush Limbaugh eats, road signs, scissors.

I'm a vegan but I'm not a huge health nut. I enjoy the health benefits of a vegan diet, which are numerous, but I am vegan for ethical reasons (animal compassion, environment), not for my own health. I stay away from products with corn syrup because I like being thin, but it does not contain animal products, so it is technically vegan. Some people assume veganism is a starvation diet and we're all thin. Not true. I know plenty of vegans and they come in all sizes from shoestring to blimp. Soda pop, french fries, peanut butter – all vegan, all fattening.

True, vegans are less likely to be overweight than the average American who eats anything that tastes good, but that is more because they are already paying close attention to what they eat so they tend to eat healthier. Animal products are inherently more fattening than plant products, so you're already halfway there just by cutting those out.

A blog reader brought to my attention a commercial about corn syrup that has been parodied to humorous effect. Here is the original:

Here is one of the many spoofs (there are other good ones, too, check them all out):

Here is a boring but true video about corn syrup's actual health benefits and dangers:

DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against corn in it's natural state–it is good for you, in spite of what some carb-o-phobics will tell you. I am not making fun of Rush Limbaugh because he is fat–there are so many things wrong with him that I cannot possibly list them all here. I am not making fun of fat people in general, unless they are fans of Rush Limbaugh. If the videos above don't work, go to YouTube and search "corn syrup commercial." I eat french fries and peanut butter in moderation, they are two of my favorite things to put in my mouth.


derekamalo said...

i didnt see them ahead of time..

but the 16th and todays bizarro came out great ..:)

derekamalo said...

Dan my man,

no offense brother but once you changed your rules and this blog was edited it slowly died down ....

therefore my theory on those coming to blog enjoying arguments and fido updates were true ..

im always right bro always right

Anonymous said...

I basically believe the following:

1) if said company advertises that there is no issue with their product - something is wrong with said company's product.
2) The amount of money spent on "non-issue" advertising and the problem with the product is directly proportional.
3) My WASP raising taught me that if you ignore the rumor then you admit that the rumor is wrong.

Karl said...

It's kind of a toss up. What is more dangerous to the country; High fructose corn syrup or Rush Limbaugh and his extreme right wing supporters.

Anonymous said...

Your a cocky bastard there Malo, I often wonder why Dan puts up with your shit.

oh yeah your a funny bastard to.

"I'm not a puppet"


Anonymous said...

naah the 80's were so false, overwhelmed n plastified but this one is a very good exception the R&B with a jazzy mix makes it to fit in any time even now it sounds very good and it will in the future one hit wonder that might will last for a good time , haha watta fashions in the 80's it's better to hear it not to look at that video xD

Anonymous said...

I love this post!

I think also as a vegan I'm naturally healthier than most just because I'm already picky about what I eat, but lately I've been noticing that I have subconsciously started to care about what comes into my body. I'm so used to the vegan products that I buy being 'non GMO', 'organic' and other things, that when I walked into a normal grocery store about two weeks ago I was half in shock and half disgusted at what these stupid stores are selling people. Unfortunately the customers are usually poor-er, and the store I went to is more frequented by Hispanic customers, so the kids get the end of the stick due to the stores offering these things(I'm Guatemalan so don't get offended).

If stores refused to carry these things and just became like Mother's Market and Trader Joe's, then this country would be much better off.

Anonymous said...

"Edited" is a generous way of putting it, Derek. Piraro has slipped into his role as deleter of dissenting opinion quite easily. Might be worth noting when he pontificates next.

Anonymous said...

And as far as I can tell, the bloggers that supposedly complained to Dan about the uncensored comments haven't come back. It looks to me like a lot of new faces around here.

Anonymous said...

Hey anonymous what's your take on Bizarro, Malo w Dan piraro

Chriss Pagani said...

Hey, Dan, you should read
before you go off on that rant. I bet you didn't know that high fructose corn syrup was an important part of a healthy diet, did you? See how wrong you can be?

Hey, I'm no "healthy eating" nut; my four basic food groups are, Order In, Take-Out, Frozen and Canned. ...But even *I* - the inimitable Pagani - avoid HFCS like the plague.

That's your lesson for the day, children.

Anonymous said...

only 4 food groups??? You forgot the most important food group... The microwaveable food group. It sometimes gets forgotten since the frozen, canned, and "day-later" take out groups share the nuke-rowawave group

Tegin said...

i want the blog reader's girl e-mail

Chriss Pagani said...

Oh yes, and of course by "inimitable" I meant obese.

derekamalo said...


now when i think about it my take on the distant bloggers this week seems like this spot is missing something without jeremy's take.
i appreciate the props there black writers ..but i can hold an argue my own ...w malo is still blogging but taking a break on the jokes seemed like i started treating it as a job myself potential ulcer,ocd aggravation for no reason ..
proving to myself i can match with the best time and time again is what i set out to do and like everything else it starts getting old ..dan dont believe for one second had you not started using w malo soon i would of lasted as long as i did ...promoted at the right time of course one year into it
i thought when i started seeing another name in panel was you admitting it wasnt your joke cause the joke stunk ..
me ill take it as praise..
but for a man that is me who was printed in 5 papers total before i wrote to you i can now add every paper and market your in to the resume

i still think to be a syndicatded cartoonist.your work has to stink and no one should think your ever funny

i think larson started the routine of being humorous, then you ,then callahan's stuff i found amusing and still do

i still will never figure out what exactly a syndicate editor looks guess is hes more into whoever gives him that blowjob that day as to oppose to the few ( i listed) who make people actually laugh

derekamalo said...

i forgot the strip rubes rocks to and hes a great guy to talk to

Anonymous said...

4) if someone uses the phrase "... whoever gives them a blowjob..." in reference as to why other people get something that they want, then they most likely... reading this blog.

Is it safe to mix scotch and NyQuil? Its working here... cannot feel my cold at all!!!! (I think?)

Godel Fishbreath said...

There is a second unnoticed issue with HFCS. This is from a Omega-3 diet stand point.

O3 diet background, see more on web, decades ago a study on Greenland Eskimos found them eating fish and seal which eats fish. Also found a tendency to bleed easier, but no western disease: no altimers, no diabetes, no arthritis, no heart conditions, no cancer, no pms, and many other problems lacking.

Fish have more O3 than O6. This O3/O6 fat balance is very important. And mostly ignored. When someone recommends that a cancer patient get more fish, they never say O3, nor do they say vital for your chances of survival, but both are true. Many health recommendations have an O3 basis.

Corn is almost 100% O6. Things fed corn are almost 100% O6. And for us omnivores, we are what our prey eats. Getting down to the 1:2 O3:O6 ratio is almost impossible, but the first step is to get rid of corn products.


Godel Fishbreath said...

I forgot to mention the follow up study. 30 years later, same tribe, eating fish, seal, and things like McDonalds, in any case western foods. They had all the western diseases. So if you are concerned about what you eat, and want to be informed, check out the claims of the O3 diet crowd. More of them are being verified every day.
It is not just fish, some vegie oils will lead to good some to bad health.

Piraro said...

@ Anonymous regarding editing the comments...

I don't edit dissenting opinions. You can see many on almost any given post. I edit profanity and random, abusive off-topic shots taken at other commentators. If I want to keep featuring my blog address in my client newspapers, I have to keep it family friendly.

@ derek...
My readership continues to grow and far less than 1% of readers leave comments. So I don't care if a few adolescent miscreants drop out because I edit their comments.

@ sean...
Those studies are a bit misleading because fish isn't the only place you can get 06. You can also get it from flax, seaweed, and some other plant places in small amounts. Animal protein, including fish, has been shown to feed cancer, and fish has been shown to contain high levels of all kinds of toxins. Getting more 06 is good, getting it from plants is WAY better. ESPECIALLY if you've had cancer. Thanks for the input.

derekamalo said...

good response lets say i dont make fridays blog about myself ....i cant make any promise on saturday ...:)

Anonymous said...

"adolescent miscreants," Piraro?

Wasn't it you that claimed that none of the comments bother you personally? Sounds like a little vitriol there, Danny.

And I'll say it again - you personally would scream the loudest if anyone ever silenced a statement of yours. Your censorship goes against everything you speak of.

Lorie said...

ZenSoy chocolate pudding. The height of vegan junk food. Has anyone ever unwittingly served you something with dairy in it? I mean, how do you avoid being served something without asking your hosts for an ingredient list? I'm talking about folks you don't know well, not close, personal friends who share your eating habits or know you well enough to never use animal products. If you were invited over, told your hosts you were a vegan prior to, and they served mashed potatoes with milk in them, would you ask before eating them?

Anonymous said...

What?! I should moderate my cyanide intake?! But what else will give my food that lovely almond taste? And everyone knows that Mercury is the sweetest of the transition metals.