Tears of a Clown Shoe

Bizarro is brought to you today by Footwear Violence.

Here's one of those stories you'll only hear if you read this blog. (And only "hear" if you read it aloud.)

I originally wrote this joke as the black and white version below shows. When I submitted it, I knew there might be some discussion over whether it was wise to submit it to my client papers and I was right. After a conversation with my editor and friend, whom we'll call "Choppy the Editor" for reasons of anonymity, it was decided that matters of erection might raise some eyebrows in many of my smaller-town markets.

You might say I should forge ahead and ignore the priggish ways of the powers that be, but in this economy, newspapers are looking for ways to save money and one of their routine practices is to cancel a comic. Giving them an excuse isn't wise, so I changed the gag.

I'm glad it happened this way, because the clown picture is much funnier anyway.

By the way, the Washington Post Express canceled Bizarro recently, a client that I really cherished. No idea why, probably just financial concerns. If this bothers you, please contact them (you can likely find an email address pretty easily) and tell them you have tears in your eyes and can barely get through the day. You'll be my new best friend.

Obsessive Compulsive Cartooning (OCC)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Magically Aging Man.

Whenever I do cartoons about disabilities or diseases, I get complaints from people who think it is insensitive to make fun of people with problems. I did a cartoon a few years ago about a band called the "A.D.D.s" in which all of the teenage musicians were scattered about the stage, busy doing something other than playing music. I got a ton of mail from angry parents of kids with A.D.D. Same thing happens if I do one on dyslexia or amputees.

In this case, I figured it was safe to make fun of this topic because I have a touch of OCD myself. Just as predicted, I got a ton of mail complaining about this cartoon. Although, perhaps not surprisingly, it was all from the same person.

NOTE: I think it bears mentioning that in each of these types of circumstances (and last week during the "Death With Dignity" controversy) I also get mail from people within these movements or suffering from these afflictions who really enjoy the humorous take on the subject at hand. Many people understand the healing properties of laughing at one's own hardships.

Pay or Play

(click the image to make it largerer so you can see it betterer.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Make Music Not War.

Here is another odd topic, one which just crawled out of my head and onto my drawing board and refused to leave so I shipped it off for publication. Sometimes that's the only way to rid myself of these things.

A man is held up on the street, but has no money. The mugger then marches him into a music shop, steals a violin, marches him home, watches over him as he learns to play, then years later makes him perform on the street until someone tosses some money at him and – voila – the mugger gets what he wants.

Good old American ingenuity.

I'm off to D.C. this weekend to perform some comedy at a couple of charity holiday parties. I hope it is fun and not tragic and hideous, forever etching itself in my mind as that weekend I should have stayed home.

I hope, too, that you enjoy your weekend, whatever you have planned.

Contest #13 SOLUTION

Sorry, I forgot to post the winning answers for this contest. Here they be, maties...

Invisible Poop

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by A Better Magician Cartoon.

This cartoon raised some eyebrows and caused a few readers to tap on their keyboards and ask me what it meant. The deal is that the guy forgot to do the rabbit-out-of-the-hat trick, so the rabbit is still there and bunny droppings are falling out, leaving a trail behind.

This is one of those gags that seemed a lot funnier in my head than it did when I tried to draw it. The problem is that the magician has to be in the background to show the trail, which makes the droppings tiny dots. The ones falling past his cape are more-or-less unnoticeable as a result, especially in the newspapers that print my cartoon about the size of a business card. I thought I did a decent job illustrating it, given the limitations, but the questions from readers tell me otherwise.

You can't win them all, tomorrow is another day.

Contest #13 WINNERS!

This week's top three winners came in at 9 minutes and 12 minutes after the cartoon was posted. You guys are fast.

Grand Prize: Marcello
2nd Prize: Spyra
3rd Prize: Philip Crow

Congrats to the winners and thanks to everyone for playing, hope you had a good time even if you didn't win. Next week's contest prize will be completely different and REAL! Yes! An online shopping company is donating an actual prize worth real money. I'll tell you more about it next week, as the Thursday contest approaches.

BIZARRO SCRAMBLE PUZZLE GAME CONTEST #13

RULES, ETC:
As usual, two images are posted below, one is the original cartoon, the warped image beneath it has been changed in subtle ways. Your mission, if you are a righteous hero of historic proportion is to find those differences.

1. There are 15 differences between the two cartoons.
2. NONE of the differences have to do with the warped nature of the second image.
3. ALL of the differences are something missing, added, or moved, not just "bent" from the distortion. The differences will not be too subtle, so once you spot one you should be relatively certain you've found it. (As opposed to something like, "I think that guy has one extra whisker. Hmmm.")
4. FIRST PERSON to correctly list the 15 differences in the comments section of the contest post wins 5 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards, mailed by me personally from Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn. I'll even lick the stamp, unless it's self adhesive. SECOND AND THIRD persons with correct answers will each get 2 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards!
5. Put your email address on your comment so I can contact you if you win. I won't post it or keep it or file it or sell it or mount a Broadway musical about it.
6. If you live outside the U.S., I may not be able to send you a prize. Depends. Canada is probably fine, Saudia Arabia, probably not.

Click on the image below to ENLARGE and PLAY!