What you're missing by not following me on Twitter...
Time-traveling afros fight to the death.
Yes, I know that to those of you over 20, Twitter seems like an obnoxious bourgeois trend, but I'll do my best to make it fun for you. It's just two sentences at a time and maybe a pic. Break down and give it a try if you're at all curious. It's free and doesn't take more than a minute.
Or, do as I have done many times and climb to the roof, shake your fist at the clouds, and curse the gods of technology who keep cramming this crap down our throats.