Bizarro is brought to you today by Astronaut Beagles.
This cartoon grew from one of my revenge fantasies about people in first class. I fly a lot and cannot afford first class, nor, apparently, can any of the organizations that pay for my flights. Because I am so tall (nearly 5' 8"), I find the seats in coach to be very uncomfortable. I know it is wrong and Buddha would be disappointed, but I cannot seem to help wishing I could toss one of the less deserving cretins in first class out of the plane and take their seat. Especially the vapid shopaholic girl covered with designer logos, bling and fur. What was her monumental contribution to the planet that earned her the extra $1200 it takes to get a comfortable seat?
Yeah, that's what I thought, too.
Of course, airlines will be out of business soon and we'll all be riding our bikes across country, so that will level the playing field some. I suppose I should find a place to live that I don't mind staying year-round pretty soon.
11 comments:
There are no comments before this one. How is this post labelled "CRANKY COMMENTS" already?
'Cranky' as in class envy. I'm with you, let's make all those CEO's walk the plank! Of course in this case - whether first or last - they all end up in the same place.
Do the first class passengers get a wider plank to walk on?
Pagani, you give me a new appreciation for Carrot Top.
Oh, I know some corporate leaders that I would like to have walk the plank... NOW. It doesn't have anything to do with flying. I got the boot this week along with 1799 others from the corporation that I spent 20 years working for. It's all in the name of the bad economy.
On the flying thing... my hubby is 6'6". There is no way him and his plus size body ever fit in an airplane. We've given up flying especially since you have to be strip searched practically to fly these days. Keep up the great humor. Love ya!
hmm, i am the root of pi times smaller than you and even i find the seats to be a smothering cocoon of baboons!
RIP...
FORMER BLOGGER JOSH THE CARTOON GUY
Try flying internationally when your a fat guy!! That's me, fat guy wedged into the middle seat of the three across. I do have the benefit of having "one of those faces" and the flight attendants are generally nice enough to move me into a more comfortable place, but still not first class! ( I am going to believe it is Karma helping me out)
I also fly too much and luckily I have just got to a premier level in my mileage program which has entitled me to get a complimentary upgrade or two. But the crowd there is quite interesting. I have sat next to an "entitled" businessman who wants a class above first to get away from the riff-raff in first. The 75+ lady who has never sniffed poverty who blatantly ignored me in the lounge but now that I am sitting in first - I am acceptable company. And best story was from an attendant telling a story about a flight from LAX to Monterey, CA where a posh lady refused to talk to her, because she was "the help", and had her assistant reply that she did not want a drink or snack. But I am 6'4" so I'll take first class... and fend you off with my real spoon and plastic knife.
I have never flown first class, but always find it interesting to pass through it after the end of a flight while deplaning from coach. Walking down the aisle in coach, you see blankets and magazines strewn about, but the clutter isn't too bad. When I get to first class, I am amazed at what slovenly pigs these first class flyers seem to be. There are blankets, pillows, trash, half eaten food, etc, etc all over the place. No one seems to have spent an ounce of effort to manage his/her own mess. I guess the sense of entitlement that first classers have extends to being entitled to have maid and not being embarrassed about what slobs they are....
At 6'5" I am usually the tallest person on the plane. Also I have a long torso so my head sticks up like a German u-boat periscope looking for something to sink.
I also ask for a window seat so I can have the window to lean into. Aisle seats are annoying because everyone bumps into me and middle seats suck because I want both arm rests and some little short weasel person has snuck his or her arm on it first.
So one flight I get stuck with a middle seat and I ask the very short counter weasel if she could move me because "I am probably the biggest person on the plane". She looked up at me and said, "no you are not"; words of warning. Well she was correct I was sitting next to the biggest (in every dimension) male on the plane (he had the window) and he also had a poodle on his lap. Yes a live poodle, a whiney little rat dog. Thinking it could not get much worst than this I leaned towards the aisle seat.
Boy was I wrong. His wife came on the plane and I knew it was his wife because she was carrying a poodle, yes a live whiney little rat dog. And she was the biggest person on the plane in every dimension.
So I crossed my legs, crossed my arms and sat between the two largest people I could imagine; each with a poodle on their lap (the poodle cages were facing each other so they could talk to each other).
The flight attendant slowly counting heads from the back of the plane made eye contact with me as she passed. I mouthed the words "please help" and she continued to count. I believe it took about 10 seconds for her to process what she had just seen and she came back and said she would find me a different seat after take off. Oh what a long take off we had.
After takeoff the flight attendant found me an entire empty row. Little weasel counter person was lying about not being able to move me. After I left my seat I looked back and noticed that the two occupants moved the arm rests up and merged over each taking 1.5 seats and they still looked uncomfortable. The poodles were now closer together and little more talkative.
That is one of many horror stories but it fits the bizarroworld best.
Had some friends who lived on a boat for a year. It's the best sleeping in the world, but they were in a free anchorage (as opposed to in a harbor with Amenities) and rowing the 5-gallon jugs of bottled water out to the boat, and having to find 12-volt appliances that would run off their wind generator, took a bit of the gloss off it. So I still remember that fondly but wouldn't do it myself in a million years.
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