Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Hawah Yee?


Readers, my dear, sweet, innocent, delicious, readers,

I'm far from home at the moment, taking some much-needed time off. If you read my previous posts from the past week or so, you'll see that I'm in Hawaii, where I've been engaged to do a couple of comedy talks about my funny funny eating habits.

To make room in the deadline-riddled landscape that is my daily hell, I had to work 15+ hour days for a week or more and nearly died of death from it. Now I'm in a funky little retro 50s style motel in Maui looking at palm trees outside and CHNW inside, buzzing around the room trying to decide which bikini to wear. Not a bad view wherever I look.

Sorry I won't be posting cartoons until Jan 15. I really enjoy this blog, it's one of my favorite things each day. But as my doctor told me just last month, "If you don't slow down you're going to need a new pair of shoes."

He's from Czech Republic and not all of his sayings translate very well.

55 comments:

doug nicodemus said...

have one hell of a good time. you deserve it.

Jeremy said...

Lucky SOB.

The posted picture looks awesome. Too bad you missed Obama by a week! He could have come to see your show!

Hope you have a good time and enjoy the view(s)!

munchy365 said...

Jan 15? Great, then I get a new Bizarro comic for my birthday :D

edjusted said...

Great pic. The waterfall in the background almost looks like it's moving...or maybe it's the drugs talking. You deserve a vacation. Happy new year!

Jezzka said...

you crazy kids have a good time out there! swim with some sea turtles while you're out there and let me know how it is, that is one thing i would love to do before i go to that pie in the sky...that and nude shuffleboard, i hear both are exhilarating. ;)

Franklin said...

WOOHOO! Piraro's gone! No censorship! Let's get crazy and post comments that have nothing to do with the subject!

Franklin said...

Jeremy and Munchy are buttplugs. Damn, that felt good.

FIDO said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ldisme said...

lovely! enjoy you lucky (and oh-so-hard-working) dickens.

waiting impatiently in the ice and snow cuz a day without bizarro is just, well, bizarre.

Yen Verhoeven said...

Wow. When I read the title, I thought you were going to talk about some exotic asian fruit or something.

Wait...you DID say food, didn't you? Oooh...delicious readers. Right.

Have a good vacay!

julie said...

And that's a bad picture of Hawaii, too... normally it looks much nicer than that. I have to apologize for the awful weather we've been having here.

Johnny said...

Hwhy Me? Stuck in this cold, crappy weather.

Lucky Sombich. Enjoy! Hope it recharges all your mental batteries.

julie said...

Julie, thank you for apologizing for the weather. We all suspected you were behind it.

SAYOTTE316 said...

Julie,


Quit jonesing...you dont even live in hawaii.

julie said...

Pfff... my stalker...

Anyway, for the rest of you, I'll be uploading a video greeting for you from Dan.

Aloha!

julie said...

Here is Dan's video greeting to everyone. The audio is a little off-synch from the YouTube processing - I'll see if I can fix that.

Poor Dan and Ashley were so tired. They've been running all over Maui the last few days and you can see it's catching up with them, but you can tell they've been having a wonderful time. Here's hoping they'll take it a little slower in Oahu!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IG1VBhUOvM

julie said...

We can hardly blame you for the poor audio when the weather in Hawaii has been so awful, Julie.

Fran said...

FYI, Fido is the senior editor at Highlights for Children magazine.

b0b said...

It's not really a vacation until you take off your work hat.

Robert Finis said...

I know it was coincidental since the previous comic is much older than the news story, but I LOVE that the "in pie we trust" chicken/eagle is holding a shoe on one side... so perfect.

kerrikoo said...

Geez it's the 10th and he's not back yet.. I don't know about you.. but I'm missing him..

FIDO said...

heard from a reliable source that piraro bombed the other day

as most of you may know my grandpa or as they say in french pepere possesses a virgin ass

not fido said...

Bombed what?

Crazy Vegan Mom said...

I hope you are enjoying your much deserved vacation. I do miss your blogging though.
Have fun!

FIDO said...

My sources told me..
In the middle of a monolgue like the late jim morrison ..bizarro boy pulled his penis out of his pants

Couple chicks in front row passed out at the sight of it

I heard even Fran swooned and was apologetic

rumor also has it..that jeremy flew from oregon to hawaii to see the show..

it was he who asked bizarro boy to pants himself

crazy world i guess
hawaiin customs did not take well to this

dan looking at 15 to life..

in other news as most of you may know my grandpa or as they say in french pepere possesses a virgin ass ..

Black said...

Dan, come on, watch the language, it's a cartoon for crying out loud, do you really expect all of us to run to the dictionary. This vacation of yours is starting to get all my nerves, because it's clearly out of hand.

scythe
Pronunciation:
\ˈsīth, ˈsī\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English sithe, from Old English sīthe; akin to Old English sagu saw — more at saw
Date:
before 12th century
: an implement used for mowing (as grass) and composed of a long curving blade fastened at an angle to a long handle

Taken from: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/scythe

Black said...

In other related news. Did anyone see Dan's appearance in Dilbert today? You know, Dan and Scott Adams, do not get along well. They once had a fight that a vegetarian cartoon conference over Little Miss Salad, and what type of dressing should be put on her. If I was Dilbert I would watch out, because Dan may go postal.

Christina Awesome said...

PIRARO my life is almost devoid of meaning. you need to come back and continue the blog.

and btw i loved the grandma scythe joke. :D

Fran said...

Hey kids - that deep void you all are feeling without Bizarro was there long before you visited this blog.

MmmmHmmm said...

Fran knows first-hand.

patrick said...

I hope Dan and CHNW are having a good time and I hope Dan will delete all of FIDO's postings when he gets back to the blog...

Anonymous said...

I agree patrick, Fido has problems and I hope his posts are removed, he should find a blog where people actually think he's funny. One of the most irksome parts of my day is seeing fido's inane posts. If we still practiced eugenics, fido would be a eunuch.

Not Patrick said...

It must be very stressing and difficult for you to skip past Fido's posts, Patrick and anonymous. We all feel for you.

Black said...

Now kids, we need to stop all of this petty bickering. Piraro Enterprises has just named me Chief Disinformation Officer and in that capacity I'm here to set things right.

Now this is going to be a very long comment, Ashley got mad at Dan and through his laptop into a volcano. This is why Dan has not been commenting as of late. For those of you that recall, Dan and Ashley had similar problems in Costa Rica a while back.

Now for insight or comments on the commentators. Dan would like to thank Franklin for his insightful observations concerning Jeremy and Munchy. Dan tells me, you have first-hand knowledge about Jeremy and Munchy because you are such a dildo. -I know that's very childish. I'm just repeating what Dan told me to say.

To the two, Julies, you're all justified in your comments here, because one of the Julies brought a weather machine to Hawaii. And you're right, she doesn't live there, but is working there on a hot air mission and is doing research in blowing smoke with Goofy University. GU is a subbranch of the Walt Disney Frozen Penis Institute, (WDFPI). Relax, I'm keeping it as clean as possible and truthful at the same time.

For those of you concerned about Dan's clothing. He cannot remove his hat, because he is contracted a very bad case of head lice. Head lice in Hawaii, are the size of Buick's.

Now to address Fran and Fido, what Fido says is true in a small part. Dans’ first wife, Connie, and I flew to Hawaii to attend a nanotechnology's conference. Dan was there to demonstrate just how small things could get. And that's when he displayed himself to the audience. It was truly no big deal, and most people didn't even notice, because you really need a pair of 3-D electron microscopes to see any of Dan's exposed sexuality.

Connie and I bumped into Fran and one of the Julies at the all you can eat meat and potatoes buffet line. I was there for the putting.

Fran then went into a tirade on living in caves, hallucinogenic muff mushrooms and whether or not, Yogi Bear and Boo Boo can be held responsible for their behavior concerning picnic baskets. This void thing is really starting to get to her.

And let me close by saying MmmmHmmm, Patrick, and the anti-Patrick need to behave, because you are being monitored at this very moment. Dan hired me as Disnformation Officer because of my connections with the NSA. And I'm warning you three, VP Dick Cheney has it in for you. So I would lay low until January 21.

edjusted said...

Wow...volcanos, weather machines, nanotechnology, living in caves, and picnic baskets...all on a tropical island...I thought the new season of Lost didn't start until next week. This is great!

SAYOTTE316 said...

ts oficial black is the funniest guy to have ever posted on here

Not Sayotte said...

sayotte thats because you are him/her

Penny said...

Ha ha! Black said Dan has a small penis!

Not Penny said...

and sayotte is fido. how many people actually post? 3 or 4

FIDO said...

Sorry guys blacks typing is to neat to be sayotte

i heard piraro was hung like an ox


as most of you may know my grandpa or as they say in french pepere posesses a virgin ass

Black said...

From the desk of the Chief Disinformation Officer, (CDO)

Bizarro by Dan Piraro (011409)

Dan originally drew this as a two panel series. I'm surprised to see he is only included one panel. In the second panel, that is not shown. The cashier takes money from the mermaids, hands and says “my, you're quite clammy” “have you seen our new line of choral thongs”

We now turn to our commentator in the field, commenting on the commentators, John Wayne.

Thank you, Black, in today's commentator, related stories:

It seems I must address Sayotte, Penny, and the Anti-Sayotte and Anti-Penny. Now the four of you need to behave. And let me just say, Little Miss Penney, you shouldn't talk about a mans six shooter, unless you're willing to pull his trigger, if’n you know what I mean.

And to Fido you can tell your French grandpa to kiss my virgin ass! Get a new catchphrase or hit the trail.

This is John Wayne reporting to you live from the abandoned blog of Dan Piraro.

Hey, Edjusted as the next can of coffee on me or you?

Franklin said...

Black is a buttplug too. And a blowhard.

Black said...

AHHHHH, Franklin, the sweet smell of adult interaction, and the mature exchange of ideas.

I'm not going to debate my relevance to an anal sex toy, but read the above comments concerning the blowhard principal.

I believe you'll find that under Julie's research in Hawaii with the Goofy University. -the weather machine and smoke.

Franklin, I simply must insist, do your homework young man, and why aren't you in school right now, your fourth-grade teacher called me at lunch and wants to know where you are.

And to think, we all wonder why Dan Piraro hasn't returned from vacation!

DAN!!
Dan, I simply can't hold this place up much longer. I don't know how you do it. I want a raise and more vacation benefits myself. Have human resources call my office as soon as possible!

I've contacted Steve Jobs at Apple, and they're trying to develop a lava proof laptop for you, but it won't be finished until the Indiana gig.

I advise you to keep little firecracker girl under control, we can't keep replacing your computers every time she throws a temper tantrum.

If you need some help, try what works for me. Every time Ashley opens her mouth and starts to lip off, I pull a ham sandwich out of my pocket and cram it down her throat.

I know that sounds a little extreme, but you simply have to get a handle on the situation as quickly as possible.

Truly yours, waiting to be deleted by administrator

Black

Not Black said...

Do you know what a "mature exchange of ideas" even is, black? Your posts are as inane as Fido's.

Black said...

So does that make you white, gray, or blue? Specifically, what color are you NOT BLACK.

Meanwhile in the corner of the blog, a small group of white hooded men observe the commentators. One of the hooded men says to another “that makes him one of us, that stupid Black guy doesn't know that Not Black is Anti-Black”

For crying out loud Dan, now you're letting the Ku Klux Klan in here! I demand so respectful censorship, right now Mr. Piraro, this is really gone too far.

If people can’t show more respect then this, I'm going to take my plate of ham sandwiches and go play somewhere else!

Franklin said...
“Good, just go, you big fat Black buttplug.” “When Dan gets back I’m going to make sure he deletes all of your comments, so there.”

Anti-Black said…

“yeah, here's a mature exchange for you, Franklin hand me those matches and help me like this cross”

The hooded guys in the corner of the blog said…

“this is so cool, and just think, we've got ‘Dueling Banjo's and The Goat People’ right here.

The dead corpse of Howard Cosell said…

“we've got quite a game of ping-pong here at Bizzaro Coliseum. In this incredible match up, Black appears to be taking on the entire Bizzaro blog-o-sphere single-handedly. ”

Not Blue said...

Haha! The play on words that Black has been waiting on pins and needles for has been delivered to him! Finally he can let forth with the race laughs! Go get em, Black!

SAYOTTE316 said...

hahahah its blacks intentions to rid this blog of all the corny ass losers that have joined it since the whole thing was rebunkt.. you go black im with you !!!

Penny said...

Yeah, we got it Black. "Not Black." He/she must be racist. Got it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks black, your comments have made me laugh even more than some of the comics I come here to read, at least there is some entertainment while dan's gone.

derekamalo said...

whats up pirarooooooooooooooooooo

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Anonymous said...

donkey balls

Black said...

It appears that some of us are depressed, because Dan has orphaned us here on this abandoned blog.

Here's something to cheer everyone up!

This is a transcription from today's comic strip “Basic Instructions” by Scott Meyer. I was laughing so hard I almost couldn't type it. This is taken from the last panel of the strip and seems pertinent to the ping-pong match here at Bizzarro Coliseum.

http://www.gocomics.com/basicinstructions/2009/01/15/

Man: (Did you know, he is received over thirty rejection letters for his book, “Wild Wangs: Male Genitalia in the Animal Kingdom.”?)

Woman: (How many restraining orders?)

Man: (Just one from the National Geographic society.)

Book Writer: (Those damned narrow minded fools!)

There's also an MP3 from the program, “This American Life” that describes many of the commentators in this blog posting, myself included. (370) Ruining it for the rest of us: stories about what happens when people's actions and choices infringe on those around them.

I'm not going to apologize for trying to project some degree of intelligence, here. I enjoy reading everyone's comments, even the childish ones. But there has to be room for intelligent dialogue as well.

SAYOTTE316 said...

black,

if fair is foul and foul is fair i ask you then whats the difference?

i think therefore i am is am an identity

Anonymous said...

"Black" and "Shortcake" are one and the same. Double poster.