Thursday, October 21, 2010

Samson Drugs Teabagger

Bizarro is brought to you today by Elections.

We've all had a good time the last few days discussing our various beliefs about science, diet and cancer, but now it's time to get down to something serious: comedy.

What could be more blissful and relaxing than living in a pharmaceutical ad? You feel no anxiety, you don't have to pee, you can get an erection any time the mood strikes and you can eat like a pig without worrying about your cholesterol. Of course, there are encyclopedias of terrifying side effects to consider, but those are only represented in the dulcet tones of the voice over. Nothing bad ever happens in a pharmaceutical ad. Count me in!

Less euphoric is the world of luggage transportation. Even with the unbelievably recent addition of wheels (we've had luggage and the wheel for tens of thousands of years and it was the late 20th century before anyone thought to combine them!) one still has to schlep one's luggage up and down stairs, into cars, over curbs, onto the scales at the airport, etc. If I'm traveling with the full 49.9 lbs suitcase, I always return with a backache. One would think the legendary strongman, Samson, would be immune to such human weakness, but along comes Samsonite.

Speaking of catastrophe, I'm trying hard not to worry about the elections in a couple of weeks. I know that Americans will just hand the country back over to the party that took eight years to ruin it because the current party couldn't fix it in two years. It's a done deal. So I'm telling myself ahead of time that it's already happened, things will get worse, humans are a deeply flawed species, someday I'll die and none of it will matter.

Maybe I'll be surprised and American voters in sufficient numbers will just say no to Fox News, but I think that's unlikely so we might as well have some fun with it and elect a Mr. T impersonator or a masturbation-opposing witch. As long as you're destined to listen to morons on the news for x number of years, you might as well go for the craziest ones possible. That's entertainment!

Another comedy post tomorrow, I hope to see your eyes peering through the computer screen again then, except for those of you who are big fans of Fox News and swear me off for good.

13 comments:

Scott Baker said...

"Americans will just hand the country back over to the party that took eight years to ruin it because the current party couldn't fix it in two years." That sums it all up. In this society of diminished attention spans and addiction to instant gratification, there was really no chance for a different outcome. I wish it wasn't true that it takes more time to rebuild than destroy.

scott baker said...

"Americans will just hand the country back over to the party that took eight years to ruin it because the current party couldn't fix it in two years." That sums it all up. In this society of diminished attention spans and addiction to instant gratification, there was really no chance for a different outcome. I wish it wasn't true that it takes more time to rebuild than destroy.

James said...

Regarding the election; I hope that the voters will shun the GOP, Tea Party AND the Democrats. I want to see Libertarians, independents, and other rational third party candidates take power. Is that a situation you'd be okay with, Dan?

MarkS said...

Now you're REALLY trying to start trouble

FUZZARELLY said...

Don't despair. America may be on the wane, but we have already withstood a civil war.

This election shall be interesting.

Jan said...

Love the Samsonite joke. And your links always make me laugh. I know this blog has to take a chunk of time; just wanted you to know it's appreciated.

Allison said...

Awesome. I love the last one esp.!

Sean said...

Fox News can SUCK IT! Yeah!!!

James said...

FOX News sucks. Reason magazine offers the best take on the issues.

Prospero said...

It never ceases to amaze me that Fox's Entertainment Division can be so smart, funny and subversive, while thier News Division is the exact opposite.

Anonymous said...

Love the humor. Disagree with some of the politics, but so what. I'll keep coming back. I'll probably even buy your superhero collection.

My all time favorite:
Man in medieval attire holding a plate of food - "Joan of Arc burnt the steaks."
Woman in medieval attire - "Don't talk with your mouth full, that's how rumors get started."

tecwzrd said...

For 2 of those 8 years Democrats have had full control of the senate and house. I hated bush for not being fiscal enough and for going to war. The drug plan and TARP should have never passed.

Neither party governs well when in full control of the Congress and the White house so I'm looking forward to gridlock and a balance of power.

Regardless of your political leanings I still think you are the best comic writer since Berkeley Breathed and will continue to buy every book you put out :)

Lowest Unique Bid said...

pretty impressive!!