Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Bizarro is brought to you today by Preparedness.

If your head and eyes are not frozen solid in a single position, move them just an inch or so to the left and see the cartoon there. This will increase your understanding of my next sentence. People liked it.

Sometimes simple ideas work best and this one is a perfect example. I got lots of emails from readers who really liked the "interest-free checking" cartoon. It was the result of a collaboration with my buddy, Andy Cowan, who is a former writer for "Seinfeld". (He was responsible for their most famous episode, in which Kramer is elected Supreme Dictator for Life of all of North and South America, then has the rest of the cast executed. Rent it if you haven't seen it.)

Our next offering today is in the field of locomotive laziness. I think we can agree that the Segway scooter is an odd invention. On a scientific level, it represents an amazing breakthrough in gyroscopic technology as regards ambulation without moving your legs. God forbid we should burn one calorie more than is necessary, that would be unAmerican. But, like trans-gender immigrants, it has had trouble fitting into American society. Segways are not powerful or safe enough to be in traffic and most communities consider them too dangerous to allow on sidewalks, so they're pretty much confined to open fields and empty parking lots.

People with absolutely no sense of vanity occasionally use them for security purposes at malls or airports, but what was once predicted to be the biggest thing since indoor plumbing has mostly become an expensive novelty. I have no compunction about looking ridiculous, so I ride these things any time I can hijack one. I don't own one, of course, but they're fun to buzz around on when you can get hold of one. I kind of feel sorry for them, like trans-gender immigrants.

For some reason, the Interest-Free Checking gag reminded me of an old favorite of mine from 1997, so here it is. Again, I like the simplicity of it. I hope you do, too.

We're expecting another big snow storm tomorrow, so I've got to get to the gun store today and stock up on weapons and ammo in case there is a run on supplies at the corner food shop. Good Americans can never be too prepared.



HELD Vegan Belts said...

Thanks for helping us laugh at the absurdity of life Dan. Can you come up with something for the Twitter protecting WikiLeaks fiasco? I dare you. We love what you do baby never stop.

Janta said...

A friend of mine pointed out that Segways were invented as mobility tools for disabled people. My friend has a friend normally in a wheelchair, who, with a Segway, is finally able to go to dance parties without having jiggling bums in her face all the time.

So apparently it was originally meant to be empowering (and maybe also physically therapeutic??) for those who normally sit at waist level and are talked about with the person pushing the chair, rather than talked to directly, along the lines of: "Hi George, how is Jenny today?" "I'm right here!" "OF COURSE YOU ARE! HOW ARE YOU TODAY, JENNY?" "I'M UNABLE TO WALK, NOT DEAF!"

Dosbears said...

Thought you might like this picture of a cop on a segway: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dosbears/205333510/

shipping troll said...

Sometimes I hate to admit this, but I live in the heart of NY Redneck Country, and the picture of the Baby with the guns is something that I would expect to find on many mantles in my county!! sad and hilarious at the same time.
Enjoy your snow, I don't need anymore!!

Anonymous said...

Interest free checking.. too funny.

Anonymous said...

I gave you a shout on my:

Aardwolf said...

ha ha ha nice !!

patrick said...

Three comics served up and all three hit out of the park. Pretty funny!

Piraro said...

Nice pic, Dosbears. NYC cops bought a fleet of Segways to use in Central Park but gave them up in six months because people laughed and took pics. True story.

Steven Ng said...

It's great to see your comment on the business chart cartoon. I bought the original art at a Cartoon Art Museum auction.