Sunday, May 17, 2009

Bible Balloonery












(For a more enlightening view, click Moses's beard.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by
Sacred Loungewear.

Climbing mountains is hard. Stone is heavy. Climbing mountains with big stone tablets has got to be a real buzzkill. And this was before backpacks and comfortable hiking boots. Imagine climbing down a mountain wearing a bathrobe and slippers, carrying a slab from the sidewalk. Yet Moses did this for God because God didn't want to go all the way down to the bottom of the mountain and give the ten commandments to the Israelites Himself and have to deal with all the hubbub what with people fainting and wanting autographs and all. Moses was a true friend.

But it just seems that balloons would have been easier for Moses to deal with on that climb. And attention grabbing, too. Nothing grabs everyone's attention like walking into a room with ten shiny, Mylar balloons. Maybe next time.

21 comments:

doug nicodemus said...

i thought it was a hoot but i missed the happy mothers day..i am usually reading way too fast by the time i get to the comics...maybe you should have your own section in the newspaper...

Anonymous said...
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isohedral said...
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Anonymous said...

Ok, that last picture is just disturbing. The rest of the post is great.

munchy365 said...
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Zhaf said...
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Pagani said...

Minor points; the burning bush appeared when Moses was called to lead the Jews....

Moses was wandering around out in the desert with some sheep and he saw a burning bush that "continued to burn yet it would not consume itself" Then he heard a voice calling out, "Moses!"

Moses with the astute bearing of a Prophet-to-be ran to the sheep and looked in its mouth.

God says, "Moses! Take off your shoes from off of your feet.." (God says in his redundant way) "...for the land you are standing on is holy land."

Moses took off his shoes... he approached the burning bush...and burned his feet!

God says, "Ha-ha, third one today!"

... well anyway.

LATER - much later - after Moses took on the job of chief of the Jews and then God destroyed babies and such in his usual whimsical way thus leading to the release of the Jews whereupon they wandered in the desert for a while. It was there God called Moses up to the top of Mt Sinai where God gave him two tablets engraved with the commandments. Moses didn't actually take blank tablets up with him to the top.

ALSO, the tablets could have been as small as regular modern sheets of paper (but thicker of course). We don't know how big they were - except from the movies and some paintings. And obviously, you've watched too many movies. :)

OH, and just for fun, he did this TWICE according to the stories in the Bible.

The cartoon is still funny! It's just that the explanation is ...well, non-Biblical.

Of course, these things are all just stories that people made up so there's nothing wrong with a little creative license. :)

Garrett Williams said...
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PIRARO said...

Thanks to everyone who alerted me to the typo. Hopefully, my editor caught that and fixed it before it went to client papers. Oy.

Waldo said...

"...with all the hubbub what with people fainting and wanting autographs and all."

Then once you start, how can you stop without pissing someone off? 'What couldn't do one more for my kid? Who do you think you are????'

Plus finding your autographs on e-bay afterwords is always disheartening.

Anonymous said...

Wow, there was a lot of comments deleted, I thought they had to be approved before they were posted, so how did they get up there to get deleted?

shipping troll said...

I like how the tablets on display are always printed in English. Shouldn't they be in Hebrew if Moses chiseled them out, up there on the mountain? Or was he a polyglot?

sheer.nothingness said...

Wow, lots of deletes. Always shocks me how much religion stirs people up. I've found the need to change my user name. It seems that when searched in certain (non-insane) ways, my posts here show up before my currently meager publications. Bugger.

patrick said...

The McCall's sewing pattern is a crack up -- I guess that is where Charlie Manson got his "look".

PIRARO said...

@ Anonymous and Sheernothingness...

The deleted comments were ones where people mentioned the typo in the cartoon. After I fixed the cartoon and reposted it, I deleted the comments so the writers wouldn't look like part of a mass hallucination.

I haven't gotten any angry comments over the religious nature of this cartoon.

Anonymous said...

Yet another typo, "milar" should be "Mylar" and, yes, it should be capitalized.

Old Bogus said...

Thanks to Pagani for relieving me of making those corrections! OTOH, since Moses of the Bad Attitude smashed the first set of tablets in fury over the Golden Calf makes me wonder what the first draft read like!

Jeremy said...

Ask, and ye shall receive Dan.

If Moses has brought down something like balloons he would have been stoned under his own laws against witchcraft.

God couldn't come down and see the people because the nature of God was too strong for normal humans. Only someone as faithful as Moses could stand he presence, and only for so long. If you remember, Moses' face glowed so brightly after he came down that he had to wear a veil or it would hurt people's eyes.

P.L. Frederick said...

That's a lot of hot air. Har har! I like how God/Burning Bush is all Festive and Relaxed, as an omnipotent being would be.

P.L. Frederick (Small & Big)

Wry Mouth said...

I have always appreciated your very fine -- touch, I guess -- with theological 'toons. Like Flanders, the character from the Simpsons, they can, in my view, be funny to people from both theistic and atheistic camps, and that, amigo, is a rare trick indeed.

Mathew said...

In my experience, encounters with old flames are often difficult. Drawing shoes on Moses was just sandalous! Great cartoon!