Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Toddler Shock Collars

Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Families of the Past.

I used to have children a long time ago (now I have adults), before it became socially acceptable to put them on a leash. As weird as it looks, I could have used this device and would have in a heartbeat.

Toddlers are energetic drunks with no sense of their own mortality, so if you don't have them tethered, there is nothing to keep them from darting out into traffic after a shiny object. I tried tying a water ski rope around mine's waist but this raised too many eyebrows and questions from mall security guards. I moved to ankle weights, just to slow them down, but that only developed their leg muscles, making them even faster when the weights were removed. Drugging them seemed harsh, braiding their hair and hanging onto the end of it seemed cruel, as did a shock collar. There was just no good answer in those days.

But modern science has brought us toddler leashes and all is well. Now if we could just get parents to carry pooper scoopers and clean up after their kids, we'd have a truly civilized society.

8 comments:

buster9 said...

My friend tried using the kiddie leashes w/ his daughters, but they weaseled out of the harnesses about as fast as the cat can weasel out of the cat harness for the leash...

Anonymous said...

ah - what a let down :-(

I read "shock collar" in the RSS feed and was thinking more along these lines :

http://lib.store.yahoo.net/lib/hightechpet/bt2-DOG-350.jpg

and I DO have a 2 year old very cute menace who we often think needs one !

Cathy said...

I was a kid in the UK in the seventies and remember 'reins' which look pretty much the same...maybe you just missed out (or maybe they're just new to the States)? A Google search for 'child reins' veries that it's just not me remembering wrong, or something peculiar to our family!

dannybuntu said...

Hi Sir, this one's really good. It's amazing that you can churn out comics everyday.

Cavall de Quer said...

Indeed, "child reins" were a pretty universal feature of British park scene in the 50's and 60's.
On the subject of the problems of child raising, I try yet again to float (and patent, mark you) my scheme of putting hyperactive (or all) small children in treadmills harnessed to generators for a few hours a day to disperse their surplus energy whilst providing cheap electricity for the household. Ecological, too! Also defrays the expenses incurred in supporting small humans for years on end.
Why does no-one ever take up on this splendid idea?

Anonymous said...

They've been around for ages - I was strapped into one in the mid 50's.

Didn't cause any damage that 20 years of therapy hasn't been able to put a dent into...

Anonymous said...

All things evolve. Can't wait to see the Kiddie Iditarod. First on Funniest Videos, then elbowing into ESPN.

Foye

Leigh said...

I was a kid in the 70s and it was a normal thing to be harnessed. They didn't use harnesses but rope and often would tie me and my best friend together. I remember being tied to a tree outside a store. We played contently while they were within view buying something.

It makes sense to me to use this if you have a kid that needs it. Life is busy and most cultures are not shaped around the reality of having children... and kids generally do not concern themselves with what's going on in their adult's world.