Friday, September 25, 2009

Old School Thigh Master


Bizarro is brought to you today by Saw VIII: Bleeding From The Ears.

I have to admit I'm really pleased with this joke. It's a simple idea based on an iconic game of childhood innocence and curiosity, but with the addition of a single word becomes dark and disturbing. What more can one ask of a cartoon?

Speaking of dark and disturbing, I turned on TV last night to watch Hardball and Countdown and it happened to be tuned to some show called "Extra" on NBC. Within seconds I could see that it was a faux news show about celebrities, that generation of mutant journalism that I think "Entertainment Tonight" started.

The three, beautiful, twenty-something meat puppets hosting "Extra" were in the middle of a stiffly scripted "disagreement" over something Suzanne Somers uttered about Patrick Swayze's cancer treatment. One marionette thought Suzanne had a right to speak her mind, another thought it was too soon and she should have known better, the third thought she was wrong for saying anything but did the right thing by apologizing. Fascinating.

I know a lot of people watch these shows, you may be among them, and I do not wish to offend anyone kind enough to read this blog. But I can't stand them. I guess my revulsion begins in the premise that a celebrity's routines activities are elevated to the status of "news," and moves on through the mannequin performance of the cue-card-reading models who, by telling you about celebrities, become celebrities themselves. This concept is akin to a librarian becoming as famous as the authors of the books in her care.

Human fascination with celebrity is an interesting subject, the roots of which are deep within our evolution. Chimps have the same impulse within their own groups. In one behavioral study I read about, when given a choice between looking at a picture of a troupe leader or a food reward, they often chose the celebrity photo. How many American's would rather watch "Extra" or "ET" than eat a plate of nachos? Fortunately, as God's anointed species, we are not forced to choose and can simultaneously stuff our faces with Monterey Jack and Jacko. Still, I'd like to put some people in a cage and test this theory.

I'm not completely immune to the charm of celebrities myself, it is programmed into our DNA to a point, but I'm not interested in them enough to read magazines devoted to them or watch news shows about their hourly goings on.

And, for the record, I think Suzanne Somers should have said MORE about Patrick Swayze's treatment! Whatever the hell that means.

Until tomorrow...become a master of your own thighs.

17 comments:

jordon.robischon said...

I agree. The shows bother me to no end. I dont understand why it's interesting to see people do such standard, everyday things. It's weird since I am an aspiring actor....I dont know how I'll feel about people taking pictures of me grocery shopping.

Incorporeal Bob said...

Probably similar comments are queued up, but which *single* word, civil, or war?

Dave Stratton said...

Coincidentally, today's 200th episode of Deadpan Inc. is about celebrity. I would never plug my blog on your blog -- well, guess I just did. Sorry.

At least I won't leave a link, that would be tacky.

Anonymous said...

I believe it is 'troop' leader, not 'troupe' leader, unless they're in a vaudeville show . . .

Piraro said...

@ Jordon.robischon...
I've always thought it would be a fate worse than anonymity to by a prisoner of your own face, as so many celebs are.

@Incorporeal Bob...
good point. I'm a doofus.

@ Dave Stratton...
Congrats! I'll post about it!

@ Anonymous...
you're right. I'm a doofus.

Gitte said...

I hate the way newspapers often include pointless articles on celebrities. I really couldn't care less. That's why I never buy trend magazines - only comics for me. True, I am a little fascinated by "celebrities" - I got pretty excited when I found this blog for instance.

(Norwegian fan - may my langauge be excused.)

shipping troll said...

Don Henley hit the nail on the head when he wrote the song "Dirty Laundry," back in 1983 wasn't it? Heinlein wrote that when a democratic society realizes that they can vote themselves cake ( or was it bread? been a few years!) and circuses, that is when it will start to fall apart. It sure feels like that now. Used to be that the check-out aisle of the grocery store was the only place to find celebrity gossip, now it's the lead on CNN. Even as the country was ( is?) falling apart it seems that more of society is interested in the celebrity gossip than learning the truth about the policies that will affect the rest of their lives. Then there are the guys like you, and Wiley, and Trudeau, who use their entertainment medium to make pointed comments on the real news of the day,and with a little subversion and plenty of oversion ( I know it's not a real word, but it should be!) get people to at least discuss the topics that matter. Agree or disagree, if the real news feels they should comment on entertainment, then it is only right that the entertainers comment on the real news.

Sheik Yerbootie said...

If I had my druthers, I'd druther be master of Suzanne Somer's thighs!

Anonymous said...

Ye gods, THANK YOU. My sister comes out to me every damned night to tell me all about the celebrity 'reality' shows she watches, and I tune out of every single word. I'm nearly to the point of physical pain whenever she starts in on the topic...

patrick said...

Similar to these celebrity shows, I find the idea of celebrity Twitterers annoying. Why would I care what they are doing on a day to day basis? The humble masses need to get a life.

doug nicodemus said...

pretty funny

hahahahaha

you are on a roll and speaking of websites

www.censys.org/blog

Piraro said...

@ patrick said...
Couldn't agree more. Except for MY tweets.

Josh said...

Suzanne Somers is as qualified to discuss cancer treatment as Jenny McCarthy is qualified to discuss vaccines and autism. They're empty headed know-nothings spouting nonsense.

Michael Tallon said...

love the art in this one

Holmes said...

Fuckin' great!

Anonymous said...

Librarians? Is that a new-fangled Internet job title?
Please explain, sir.

Penny said...

Of course, Suzanne Somers has a book coming out soon. No publicity is bad publicity, right?

As for Twitter, this explains it all. Perfectly.